5 REASONS WHY WOMEN LOVE EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MEN ? Women often know the emotionally unavailable men signs but if you’re attracting an emotionally unavailable guy then also knowing WHY you attract that and why that draws you in then this training will help! Knowing what causes emotionally unavailable men and the top emotionally unavailable men characteristics is helpful but knowing how to handle emotionally unavailable men is even more important. Some women even wonder why emotionally an unavailable man keeps coming back. This training will help understand MUCH more of why these dynamics are happening. Enjoy! ?
Would you like to discover the five reasons why women love emotionally unavailable men?
Hi, I’m Antia Boyd, founder and creator of the Magnetize Your Man Method. If you’re new to my blog, don’t forget to subscribe right below so you get notified with my next juicy article to help you to attract that right man for you.
5. It Triggers The Tension Dance
Here is reason number five why women love emotionally unavailable men, it triggers the tension dance. Now hold on one second, what is that all about? What happens is you always have tension between two people – you have tension between a man and a woman. You want to have a certain amount of tension in order to keep it interesting, fascinating, charismatic, and maintain lots of variety. That provides that up and down, left and right because we have this emotional experience of adventure and we have this exploration of width – a wide array of emotional responses.
What happens is we’re actually creating this tension inside of our body when we’re waiting for him to respond, then guess what happens? We’re checking our emails, and that was totally true for me as well, whether that was online dating or waiting for a text message. I mean, I was really just holding this tension. I would be talking to my girlfriends and then he would text or email and the release of that tension would occur. That feels so good to your system, like “ah, yes! And we create a tension loop – this addiction that you start to get into. It feels so good, this relief when you hold onto a lot of tension and pressure and all of a sudden you let it go and relax, It feels so good. This is why women love emotionally unavailable men.
4. It Gives Them The Freedom To Feel
Reason number four is it gives them the freedom to feel. Hold on one second, what are you talking about Antia? What happens is we actually have this dance going on between closeness and space. We want intimacy and closeness, but we also want space. We want the freedom to move, to make our own decisions, to be our individual self.
If we have a man who is emotionally available, sometimes, he already wants to create so much intimacy and closeness and connection with you that you need to be the one that creates the space. When this happens it feels like you can’t really let yourself feel that much because you have to create the space so you can make sure you’re still free, as well. If he comes a little bit more into your space, emotionally, that can feel unsafe for some. If you had an emotionally unavailable father, for example, or mother for that matter, it doesn’t really feel safe to you if somebody comes so close, so fast, emotionally.
If somebody is emotionally unavailable, now you can be as emotionally expressed as you want to! Isn’t that amazing? You can write him love letters and love songs, you can daydream about him, you can tell him how you feel about him because he makes sure that he creates all that space. So now you are the one who can actually bring in the warmth and emotion. A big point here, why women love emotionally unavailable men.
3. They Think They Can Turn The Man Around
Reason number three is that we have this illusion that we can turn men around. It’s somehow this prize and this accomplishment, but here’s the thing, it’s actually supposed to heal your childhood trauma. So, if your dad was not emotionally available, and you as a child, of course, took it very personally, you can feel like “Oh, it’s because I’m not good enough.” “I’m not smart enough.” “I’m not patient enough.” Then what you’re going to do, because now you have an open-loop, you spend the rest of your life working on closing that loop.
How do you close that loop you ask? Well, you attract another emotionally unavailable person into your life. This mirrors your parents that were emotionally unavailable and you try to turn them around because this whole time that little girl wanted to turn the parents around. If I jump through enough hoops, if I just turn myself into enough of a pretzel, then my parents will change. So the hope is that the cycle finally completes when she turns the emotionally unavailable man around. Of course, this never happens, but that’s extremely intriguing and attractive, and this is why women love emotionally unavailable men.
2. It Makes Them Securely Insecure
Reason number two is, it makes you securely insecure. This is not just a play on words, picture this… when you feel insecure, how much certainty do you have around that feeling of being insecure? A lot. So it’s interesting that you actually have that level of security that you experience in your insecurity and what it feels like.
So let’s imagine a scenario when I was dating and I was meeting men and I knew before they were not responding, exactly how it would feel when they didn’t respond, I knew the disappointment that was coming on, what that felt in my body, I even knew what that ‘smelled’ like. I could feel it, and then when it happened, when I got disappointed, I knew exactly what the next emotion was going to be, and that I was going to reach out to my friends and that my feelings were right and so on and so forth. I created security in insecurity.
When we do that we’re actually feeling quite certain in how insecurity feels, how disappointment feels, how that let down feels. And because the brain also favors a sense of certainty, if we feel more certain in our insecurity than we feel in our security, we tend to be more attracted to emotionally unavailable men because they will bring out that insecurity inside of ourselves.
But you know what? We would rather experience an emotion that we already know how to handle than a completely new emotion and an array of possibilities that we have no clue and no certainty how to deal with and whether or not that’s ‘safe’. Now, I say safe here, but the unconscious is saying whether it’s safe. Safe is something that I can deal with, but if I’ve never experienced joy, if I never experienced reliability, if I never experienced true trust and true unconditional love, then that actually doesn’t feel safe to my unconscious.
1. It Causes Attraction-Xiety
Reason number one, why women love emotionally unavailable men is because it causes attraction-xiety. That’s right. You get those fireworks, those feelings down your spine, that excitement, you have butterflies in your stomach. You have this attraction, but it’s actually anxiety that you mistake for attraction. So it feels really intense because of course there’s a high level of aggravation in the system when we feel anxiety.
There was actually a research study that was done a few years ago, and here’s how it went. They had men walk over a very dangerous bridge that was hanging over a canyon. Then at the end, there was a woman waiting for him, obviously, that was an attractive woman. They were seeing how anxious the man was before and after he walked over the bridge. They found that men who felt more anxiety and more fear ended up rating the woman with a higher number of attractiveness than the men who didn’t feel as anxious. Interesting, right? Now, I wouldn’t call it causation, let’s call it a correlation with enough of a significance that it’s worth talking about here.
We need to understand, why am I actually attracted? What actually attracts me? Is my nervous system actually feeling calm, integrated, aligned, trusting? Like if you have this crazy attraction, and all those chemicals flood our brain, then yeah, that’s probably the attraction-xiety. It feels sort of like a seductive cocktail that you definitely want to repeat because it feels good. That’s why women love emotionally unavailable men.
So this is it for today, I’d love to hear from you. What reason did you resonate with the most? Let me know in the comment section.
Of course, if you liked this article, please share it with your girlfriends. And as usual, if you feel like “Oh, my gosh, Antia I have all those symptoms that you just mentioned to me, I’m always attracted to emotionally unavailable men, and I don’t know how to navigate out of that.” Then I invite you to take my magnetize your man quiz by clicking the button below.