How do you know when a guy is emotionally attached? Here are 5 signs that he is emotionally committed to you.
1. He Asks You How You’re Feeling
Now, this is so important because if a man is invested in you, he's going to care what your emotional state is, especially if he's wondering if you are invested in him. Are you prioritizing the relationship? One way that he's going to do that is by checking in with you regularly and seeing how you're doing. The emotional piece is so key because that shows that he's emotionally interested for himself and for you and in the relationship.
I remember when I was dating Antia, this is something I would often do when I felt we were a bit disconnected; maybe we had an argument or things weren't in the best place, I would ask her, “How are you feeling right now? What's going on for you?” And she would often share with me what she was feeling. That was because I cared, and I was starting to get more emotionally invested and I wanted to know. So, that's a very important sign to look for.
2. He Tells You Uncomfortable Truths
This is key because it's easy for a guy to just tell you surface-level truths. If he's just telling you things that he did, things that are not super vulnerable, it can be a sign that he's not emotionally invested. He could just be using a manipulation tactic to pretend he's being honest and trying to gain your trust, or he's just passing time. He's just trying to keep you from pulling away, from leaving him but it doesn't necessarily mean he's fully emotionally invested. It could mean he just doesn't want to lose you, that you're an option for him that he doesn't want to lose, but not necessarily that he's feeling that his heartstrings are being pulled by you.
So, when he tells an uncomfortable truth, something that maybe doesn’t make him not look so good when he's feeling vulnerable, that's more of a sign that he's being really honest with you, and that he's also emotionally invested and he's afraid to lose you. So, for example, when I was dating Antia, there was a moment where I was starting to get more emotionally invested and I told her that I was starting to have feelings of love for her, and I didn't want to lose her to another guy. I wanted to be in a committed relationship, an exclusive relationship and that was uncomfortable for me because I'd never really opened up on that level with her or with any woman since my first relationship ended badly. So, that was vulnerable and uncomfortable for me to share, but because I had had more emotional investment, I was starting to build those feelings, I opened up and I shared that.
So, that's a good sign, especially if he's talking about his feelings, something that's uncomfortable, something that's vulnerable, maybe something that happened to him in the past. Some insecurity that he has, a fear that he has. That can be a really good sign that he's starting to become much more emotionally invested in you. Now, if you haven't yet, I highly recommend joining our free “Magnetize Your Man” Dating and Relationship Support Facebook Group, where we're talking about all these important topics. You can post your questions, get support from our amazing community of women there. We have over 5,000 women there right now. Highly recommend it. Go to MYMFBGroup.com.
3. He Makes Positive Changes For You Out of His Own Initiative
Often guys will do things for you because you were asking them repeatedly, begging them, nagging them, some might say and finally, he says, “Okay, I'm going to stop drinking for a while,” or, “I'm going to stop doing that thing that annoys you or making fun of you in front of your friends,” or whatever it was that was bothering you about him. He finally makes that change, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's emotionally invested. It could just mean he just wants to get you off his back.
However, if he's making those changes out of his own initiative, that's a great sign. That means that maybe you said it one time, maybe he just knows that's important to you but he was listening and he was invested enough in you and wanted to make you happy so he decided to make those changes. He decided to start working out or to start talking better about you with other people or maybe to stop being obnoxious or not drinking so much or whatever it was, that he knows was a standard that you have that he was not meeting. It is important to communicate those things because men aren't mind readers as much as we'd want them to be, so, you have to communicate your standards at some point, let him know what's important to you. You don’t need to nag him, if he doesn't step up, that's a sign that he's not the right guy for you and he may never get there. It’s not easy for people to change so if he does it of his own initiative, that's a great sign. That means he's listening and he's committed.
For example, when I was dating Antia, I knew it was important to her how I was dressed. She liked men that are dressed well and when we first met, I was often wearing just shorts, flip-flops, clothes that were probably too big for me, colors that didn't work for me and my skin tone. I just didn't have much of a clue. I knew that was important to her though, so, over the course of a few months, I committed to dressing better and wanting to look better for her and myself. So, that was a positive change I made because I was invested. That's a good example of things you can look for with your guy.
4. He’s There For You When You’re At Your Lowest
It's easy to be with somebody when things are good. However, when you're having difficulties in your career, your finances, your health, your friendships, your relationships with your family, emotions in general, maybe some mental health stuff it can be harder for people to come close to that and to want to be around that because they don't want to feel bad. So, only the people who are emotionally invested tend to not only want to come closer, but that will compel them to come closer, they want to help you. They want to be there for you, not in a doormat way, just for you to vent everything, help you process, be a caretaker, they want you to be happy. They want to support you as best they can.
An example of this for me is when I was dating my first girlfriend, we were together for two and a half years. Often, when things would get heavy emotionally, I would pull away, ask for space, leave or just walk out. I would come back usually, but it was not a good move on my part, it would often make it worse. She would feel even more insecure or depressed or sad or whatever was going on for her and we would get into this really bad downward spiral. That was part of the emotional maturity level I was at in my heart, I had some more healing to do from my avoidant attachment style from my childhood. So, that relationship didn't work out.
When I met Antia and I started becoming much more emotionally invested with her, when she was feeling sad, I would come closer to her. I would ask her more questions. “How do you feel about that? What else do you feel?” I would help her process them. I would encourage her to let out those emotions, to cry. to scream if she wanted to scream. I remember once, we were driving to Northern California through some forests, and she was frustrated, and I stopped the car, pulled over to the side of the road and I said, “Just get out and let it out.” And she would scream, come back to the car and we would continue.
So, that was a balance of me wanting to help support her and protecting myself but I was making it a priority to help her go through whatever she was going to go through. I was there for her, and she knew that the reason I was doing all of that was that I cared about her. So, that's a good sign he's emotionally invested when he is willing to go into the fire with you when he wants to support you and he's not running away or telling you to stop. “Don't feel sad. Don't cry.” A lot of times we'll hear a lot of people say, “Stop crying, don't worry about it.” No, you need to let it out but knowing that could take some emotional maturity on their part and they might not be there. As long as they're trying, that's a good sign they're emotionally invested.
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5. He Helps Manage Your Expectations Through Clear Communication
So, what do I mean by this? If a man cares about your emotions, if he's invested, he doesn't want you to get hurt. And if you're in a relationship with somebody long enough, you'll realize that a huge component of emotional and relational happiness is managing expectations properly. So, for example, when you tell somebody you're going to be available at a certain time, you ensure that you are available at that time or if you tell them that something came up, you're not going to be available, that you communicate that rather than just ghosting or flaking on them and not showing up. As long as you're communicating, I believe you could go through almost a complete relationship without having anyone get too upset. It's utopian thinking, but I think that will be, if anything, one of the biggest keys to creating a happy long-term relationship, where there are no arguments. There may be other reasons why you would split up, maybe value differences and other things, but at least avoid basic arguments if you manage expectations properly.
So, it's a sign of emotional maturity and it's also a sign of emotional investment when a man is willing to communicate in that way and make sure you're not getting upset by him breaking your expectations. If he's not fully emotionally available yet, he's dating other women, he is feeling like he's pulling away, and he is communicating that to you – that's a sign that he wants to help you and help the relationship. He wants to help himself help the relationship by communicating that clearly to you.
So, for example, when I was dating Antia, we were living in Waikiki where we met. I was in one city, Waikiki and she was living in another city on the other side of the island and she would, often, be coming into Waikiki for whatever reason and she would say, “Hi! I'm in town. I'm free to hang out if you want to hang out,” or something like that. Often, I would be working so I would have to communicate with her, “I can't hang out. I'm working right now.” And then to manage the expectations, I would say, “However, I can hang out later this evening,” or, “I can hang out this Friday.” So, I was letting her know my availability, not that I was just ghosting her, but that I would be available at a certain time when we could hang out. So, I was helping manage her expectations that I was interested in her and in the relationship, but I had other things going on. That helped her to know I was emotionally invested, I just wasn't available. I was working.
When he does communicate with you, he does care. He's not just flaking on you. I mean, if he repeatedly says things and he's constantly cancelling plans, he's constantly telling you reasons why he's not available or why he's not ready to commit yet. That's probably a sign that he's not fully invested, but at least he's communicating that to you. So, at least he cares about you on some level. Ultimately he will have to step up and make you a priority with his time and his level of commitment, long-term, or else that could mean that he isn't invested fully. Now, comment below. I'd love to hear what are the signs that your man is showing you? Has he been showing you any of these signs? Is he not showing you any of these signs? Maybe what are some other signs you have questions about? Put that in the comments below. We'd love to answer your questions and hear your thoughts there.
BONUS: He Helps You Bond, With His Closest Friends And Family
Our bonus secret is he helps you to bond with his closest friends and family. This is a great sign that he's emotionally invested in the relationship. So, it’s not just that he introduces you to his friends and family. That's easy to do, anyone could do that. Some guys, I think, even use that as a tactic to try to make you think they're invested by introducing you to all these people, but it's superficial. So, the way he's emotionally invested is that he's facilitating you connecting with them on a deeper level. So, he's making a deeper introduction. He's making sure you guys have time together to connect. He's maybe even telling you things about them and how you guys are going to connect. He's telling them about you, what they're going to like about you, what they should talk to you about.
He's facilitating you guys becoming close, long-term and that’s a great sign that he's emotionally connected to you. Not just, he's checking off a box. “Okay, I introduced her to my friends to stop her from thinking I'm just a player.” So, that's how you know he's serious when he facilitates a deeper connection with those friends and family. For example, I remember when I was dating Antia, I made sure that I was connecting her with some of my friends that I had met in Hawaii, that they're getting time to spend together, that we were even hanging out together, doing things together. Then, of course, my family also later on and setting up calls, letting her get to know them and telling her all about them and sharing stories. So, that was a good sign that I was showing to her that I was actually committed and facilitating her, wanting to be part of that world that I had, even in Hawaii. I didn't have a whole lot of friends there because I was only there for a couple of months, but I did make sure those connections happened.
How Do You Know When A Guy Is Emotionally Attached Conclusion
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Next, I highly recommend reading 5 Real Reasons Why Men Respond to Distance in Love. So, when you are giving them space, how effective that can be when a man is pulling away when he's not giving you the signs that he's committed, that can be a powerful tactic.