JOHN GRAY SECRETS TO ATTRACT THE OPPOSITE SEX (NEW STRATEGIES FOR WOMEN!) ? Discover how to be MOST attractive to the opposite sex and how to find your soulmate with these new secrets from Dr. John Gray! Attractiveness has many different factors, however with opposite sex attraction knowing what men want and how men think will make it SO much easier for you to crack the man code quickly. Enjoy! ?
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Antia Boyd: Hi, there! I’m of course, your host, Antia Boyd founder and creator of the Magnetize Your ManMethod. And if you are new to my blog, don’t forget to subscribe, so you get notified for that next juicy article coming your way to help you to attract that right man for you. Today ladies, I am so excited because I have a very very special guest here with me today, which is Dr. John Gray. Hi, Dr. John!
Dr. John Gray: Hi, so happy to be with you. I feel magnetized already!
Antia Boyd: And ,of course, we may know you’re from, you know from your amazing books that you’ve written over the years, 20 as a matter of fact. And really excited to talk today about how to crack the code to the male brain, how to unlock those secrets. So what I want to talk about today is first and foremost, masculine and feminine dynamics.
Dr. John Gray: Yes.
Antia Boyd: How can those powerful single successful women really create that long term polarity with a man without feeling fake. Without feeling they’re pretending to be something that they’re not?
Dr. John Gray: Okay well, we’re going to dive right in because what’s happening today and this started around the 60s, at least in my experience in a dramatic way, I was a teenager and I become a hippie. Okay. I grew my hair out, got kicked out of school till I cut my hair, had beads, boots, belt buckle, bell bottom pants, what was happening? Okay. And demonstrated peace, I didn’t want to go to the Vietnam war.
All that was me going to what we’ll call the female side. See, men went to a big shift, meanwhile, women were all joining groups and saying we’re going to be CEOs, were going to take over the world. we’re all free and independent. So that was a huge time. I mean, if we just look at the Beatle music at the time, I mean, look at some of those old concerts the women were screaming, okay. It was this huge release of energy and empowerment, these Beatles all singing in harmony, they’re guys in touch with their female side, they were singing love songs. this was a crazy time and I went to a Beatle concert and I said well, I’m not going to scream and as soon as they came out, everybody in the whole place screamed, I screamed, it was crazy.
It was a huge release of energy because women have been repressed for thousands of years from the masculine qualities within them, men have been repressed from the female qualities within them. you have to be tough and cold and detached and sacrifice dirty, dangerous, difficult jobs, and go to war and give up your life. This was the male thing, women nurturing the children staying at home, can’t own property, can’t make money, can’t vote, all of that stuff repressing a part of who we are. And then everything changed, started to change and women were free to go to their male side, men are free to go to their female side and then we have divorce.
So what happens is it felt so good to go over to the other side that women went too far and neglected their female side and men went too far to their female side and neglected their male side and as I talk about this, I’ve been doing it now 40 years talking about gender differences, creating polarity and some people still insist the saying, oh, we’re only culture. The culture has made us different and they don’t truly recognize that men and women have different biology. So when you bring it down to science and biology, we are very, very different. We get to talk about those differences today because in my intro, you mentioned about women wanting polarity. Okay? Cause you can’t have sexual attraction, you can’t sustain attraction unless you have polarity.
So the confusing thing here is that in the beginning of a relationship, the newness will stimulate high dopamine, newness stimulates dopamine, polarity stimulates dopamine but you don’t need polarity in the beginning, you just need newness and that will stimulate lots of attraction. But once the familiarity sets in, once we start to feel safe and connected in a relationship, if men are not more on their male side and women are not more on their female side, there’s no polarity and the passion goes away. Now, paradoxically, strong women often are overwhelmed and stressed and not able to feel attracted to men. They go, what do I need a man for, another child? That’s because she’s too far on her male side and she often will experience sleeplessness.
Even though she works all day long and everything, she has difficulty sleeping, her brain is overactive. I know in Brazil where I teach over 95% of women have to take sleeping pills in order to fall asleep at night because they’re so on their male side, they’re working all the time. They’d give up depending on men and you can’t depend on men if you’re a more free woman meaning you’re more on your independent side. The men you’re going to be attracted to, they’re going to be all more on their female side, they want you to pay the bills. So it’s very, very challenging today. And what can a woman do? Often the irony here and I said, it was the paradox, is that quite often, when a woman’s on her male side there will be an initial attraction to more sensitive men who are more on their female side.
But once they start to connect, she will feel disgust for him, he’s too needy, he pouts, he whines, he complains, he doesn’t work hard, he’s a needy guy, but in the beginning, there’s this immediate attraction in the same way that men will feel an immediate attraction towards women who are expressing a part of their male side which says, hey, I’m into having quick sex, even a woman who dresses in a very sexy way, a man can be immediately attracted to that, have sex with her and the next morning never want to see her again. Okay. Because she was way on her male side because the male side says, let’s have sex right away, the female side of us and remember I’m saying the male side of us, the male side says, okay, my job is to put it in and the female side is I want to make sure I get the right guy.
So there’s a lot of requirements for a woman hormonally before she can be multi-orgasmic. First of all, we’re talking about strong, independent women who are single and I know a lot of women listening to this particular broadcast are. When I work with them, they have difficulty falling in love. Okay. There’s a lot of nice men out there whatever, but then you just can’t fall in love. For a woman to experience falling in love, we have to recognize there’s a biological foundation for that. And that biological foundation is 20 times more estrogen than a man, an average man produces. Now, when you’re a CEO, when you’re busy, when you’re feeling the pressures every day to make money. Okay. Pressure on men raises testosterone and lowers estrogen, which is good for men. Pressure on women raises testosterone and lowers estrogen, which is not good for women unless they have a way to keep producing lots of estrogen, but testosterone production.
Men need 10 to 30 times more testosterone and to fall in love where he kneels before you and says, I’ll give my life for you, I can’t live without you, I’m your man, when he feels that, he’s around 50 times more testosterone than the average woman. See, testosterone is the magic hormone for men, it allows women to make money, it keeps you out there, it causes you to feel oh, I have to do this, I’ll do it. I have to do this, I’ll do it. But it raises your stress levels. What lowers your stress levels is a balance, the right balance of testosterone and a lot more estrogen. Okay. That’s the key. And even as women get older and they pass menopause, their estrogen levels drop quite a bit and it’s not a problem, as long as she’s got more estrogen than testosterone, it’s finding that balance. So here’s some examples of when you’re going to be taking testosterone, when you feel pressured, deadlines, sacrifice, whenever you’re feeling okay, I don’t really do this, but I have to do this.
Those are all the tough things and difficult things, the dirty jobs, sacrifice. Anytime you feel I have to do this to get this result, I’d rather do something else, you’re producing testosterone. Estrogen is when you feel, ah, I feel safe, I’m relaxed, I can get what I need, I enjoy this, I have support in my life, people love me, people take care of me, people do things for me. There’s two that we need to recognize when it comes to our male and female side, our male hormones, our female hormones, our male brain, our female brain. We have both, okay. I have a male side of my brain and a female side of my brain, we can talk about that since you were talking about the secrets of the male brain. But the bottom line there is that my male power, and if you’re a woman and you’re successful, you’re on your male side in most cases.
You’re male powers, look what I can do, look at my competence, look at my success, look at my achievements, look at my commitment. I can solve this problem and solve this problem, that’s male energy. And we all have it, men and women, the female energy is how happy I am. I’m having such a good time, I enjoy my life, I sleep great and my happiness attracts people to do things for me. So the power of happiness and love is that everybody wants to serve you. So I have people who serve me, everywhere around me, everybody serves me, whatever my goals are, people do things for me, they buy my books, they sign up for my seminars, they clap for me, they serve me. I have a team of people that love helping me, I have fans.
See, that’s power, the attraction, that’s our female power to attract support. So what we want is both and when it comes to relationships, a woman’s power is to get a man to do things for her so she doesn’t have to do it all. And that’s actually the definition of romance. I remember once saying to my wife when I opened the car door for her, which is romance, and I said to her, now, honey, I’m opening this car door, I know you can do it yourself but you do so much for so many people and for me. Tonight, let me do everything for you and I opened the car door. See, that’s a context to understand what romance is about. It’s not that a woman can’t do things, but doesn’t it feel good when you don’t have to do things and someone does it for you?
So for strong women, that feels weakness, that feels weakness and we have to turn it around and we also recognize that as human beings, we all need love. But the love that makes men feel best is different from the love that makes women feel best. And the way I look at that is in the explanation of different kinds of love, they’re all love. But if you appreciate what I did for you, my testosterone goes up. So the more I do and people appreciate it, the more my testosterone goes up and now we know, when testosterone goes up, men’s stress levels go down and they feel more generous, more happy, more fulfilled.
Now for a woman, it’s basically the more she can receive. Okay? So when a man is looking at what I can do, when a woman looks at, looks at what I have, looks at the support I can have, looks at what I can get, that raises estrogen. Now, estrogen is love. If you can’t fall in love with a man, it’s not the man, it’s that you can’t make enough estrogen to fall in love. So I see women all the time, powerful women they go to, I meet a lot of nice men, they’re all interested in me, it’s all very friendly and nice. I just don’t have the spark anymore, I can’t feel this is the one, well, you can only feel this is the one when your estrogen levels for a man his testosterone needs to go way high, for a woman her estrogen has to go way high.
Basically, the estrogen levels that would cause you to be multi-orgasmic. And most women have even had orgasms in America, more women have not had. Then 1/4 of the women that have can only do it to themselves and they can’t get it from a man, how can they really experience surrendering and opening up and getting out of their mind? The French call orgasm a little death. That to me is the best sex is when she dies mentally. She just goes, I’m dying, I’m dying, and that is pretty much done. Many, many orgasms, but women can’t have many many orgasms, one, if she doesn’t have estrogen and two, if she doesn’t have a man whose testosterone levels are way beyond hers.
So that’s why women are looking for alpha men, but the only way you’ll find an alpha man is if you find your alpha woman which means you’re not an alpha man. You’ve got to come back to your female side. If you’re attracting these sensitive guys, it’s a sign. You’re looking subconsciously for a situation where you can be more vulnerable, where you could be more sensitive and that’s it. You’re only attracted to that initial attraction that turns into discussion later you’ll be attracted to more caring men, more sensitive men and then you’ll lose interest in them very quickly because they don’t help you to find that vulnerable part of you.
So my message and my book “”Beyond Mars and Venus”” it’s for the time now, “”Men are from Mars””, really explains basic differences between men and women, but it’s “”Beyond Mars and Venus”” it teaches us if you’re a woman on the male side, how to come back to the female side, how to use a man to bring you back to the female side, what you have to do within yourself to come back to the female side and you only make estrogen when you feel I need someone. So if you’re so independent, you stop making estrogen and your stress levels go up and the symptom of that is I can’t relax, I’m overwhelmed, my mind is busy, or I have a bias towards looking at what’s wrong rather than looking at what’s right.”