Struggling to determine if he is a nice guy or a player? In this guide, we will share 6 signs to help you figure out if the man you're with has sincere intentions or is playing you.
1. He’s Available at Unusual Times
Do you meet guys who only want to meet quickly for a 7 AM breakfast, or they're finally available after dinner and after cocktails for an 11 PM hookup? Forget about hanging out on the weekend, he’s only free on a weekday. So, they never reserve Saturday night, Friday night, or Sunday during the day for you. If that’s the case chances are you're dealing with a player. He has several women in the basket that he's handling at the same time. So of course, for some of them, he has to reserve the Saturday night and the Friday night, or he may reserve some time for himself so he can go out and meet even more women.
When a man is really interested in you, he will reserve the prime time for you. He will not just try to fit you into his free time, but he will actually free his time for you. True story. I actually had a client a few months ago and she told me exactly that, that this guy tried to fit her in at 7:30 in the morning to have coffee and breakfast with her. I said, “Absolutely not.” She's a very accomplished, very powerful woman so I said, “You should really match your level of self-respect with your behavior and how you encounter him.” Now, when she started doing that, luckily for her, he actually shifted and made her a priority.
Now, this is of course not always the case, but the first step is for you to identify who are those players so that you can set the boundaries accordingly, or of course, walk away. Have you ever experienced this? Have you ever been asked out on odd days and times? I certainly have. Let me know in the comments below your experience.
2. His Phone is Off
Now, I'm not just talking between 11 PM and say 7 AM because that's when my phone is off as well, but it's off at really unusual times. It's off in the afternoon or the evenings. When you call him, it goes straight to voicemail, or he may actually tell you that his phone was off. So pay attention, that’s a way he keeps himself unavailable – what were you doing while your phone was off? Why did you feel the need to turn the phone off?
Often, with players, the reason why they turn the phone off is that they don't want the other woman to see, “Oh, wait a minute, there's a text message that just came in, who is that? ” or. “Oh, somebody just called you. Who is Melanie?” He doesn't want to have to explain himself. So the easiest thing for him to do is simply turn his phone off when he is with other women. That way, he also doesn't put himself into an awkward situation if someone calls with an unknown number or a number that he doesn't recognize and he answers, and it is actually one of the women that he's currently dating without the other woman knowing.
So be aware if his phone is off. Do you think this story is crazy? Then join our free Magnetize Your Man Facebook group at MYMFBGroup.com, where we share all of our stories and you get tons of advice from not only me but all the other incredible women that are in this group as well. We have a blast and you're learning a lot about how to set boundaries and respect yourself.
3. He Has Lots of Female “Friends”
Now, you notice this is going on when you go to his social media. You’ll see that he likes a lot of girls’ profiles or he makes a lot of comments on girls’ pictures. Why are the majority of his friends female? Well, one of the answers could be because he is a player. And of course, what he's going to do when you start confronting him, he's going to say, “Oh no, no, no, you're just making this up. They're just friends. We're just hanging out.” Well, guess what, girlfriend? When he says hanging out, I guarantee you that that has a different meaning to him than it has to you. For him, it truly means hooking up, making out, and so on. By the way, they usually lead on the other women as well, they also don't know that there's another woman in the game.
So if you feel like, “Wow, this guy has an unusual amount of female friends or he just went out last night, and you just saw the photos and it seems he looks a little bit like a player. He's in the center of all of those women, listen to your gut because chances are that he is indeed a player. And this could be for many reasons, maybe he needs the attention from other women because secretly, he's insecure or he's a narcissist so he needs this constant approval from other people, from the outside world. He constantly needs to be the center of attention. One woman alone can't give him that because guess what? A woman also wants to have attention for herself. Especially you when you put yourself first and stop putting him on a pedestal. So watch out for that one.
Now, I'm curious to hear from you. Comment below if this has happened to you if you have met men, where you thought, “Well, they just have a little bit too many female friends” Let me know below. And maybe also, how did you handle it?
4. Secret Texting & Calls
Now this, you can identify rather quickly because when you spend time with him; you could even be out at a restaurant on a date and all of a sudden, he just has to take the phone call or he just has to text this person back, but he has to just leave the table or go into the bathroom to answer it. He just has to go outside and go on a walk. What is happening? Chances are he's a player because he's getting calls from other women that he of course, also wants to attend to. After all, you need to at least do a little bit of breadcrumbing with all the other women to hold them on a string. If you don't give them anything, they're not going to stay. They want to connect with you.
So if you feel like, “Well, wait a minute, there's always secrecy around. He's never showing his display. His phone is always facing down, not up.” There are all those little indications that you feel like he’s a little too closed off for you, listen to your gut. That actually has happened to me many, many times while I was dating men, where I was like, “Well, I don't know, there's something else going on.” You can just feel it when there's another woman in the background. There's another conversation happening. His awareness is going somewhere else. So your question should be, where is it going?
Now, if you're one of those women who are like, “I'm done attracting players into my life. I want to learn how to step into my power.” I highly recommend taking my Magnetize Your Man quiz. It’s completely free at MYMQuiz.com. The button is also below as well, you’ll get a personalized dating strategy just for you and of course, some of my juicy bonus gifts. So check it out.
5. You Feel Uneasy
One thing that my women ask me all the time is how do I know when I'm emotionally around insecure men or distorted men, or disconnected, disassociated men? Well, one indication is actually your own nervous system. So do you feel anxious all the time? Do you feel paranoid all the time? Are you starting to get jealous all the time, even though you're normally a secure person, you don’t normally get jealous? Well, chances are, girlfriend, there is a reason for that.
It's called the sixth sense. You can feel that something's off and you're like, “Something is not right.” And honestly, what you really feel is mistrust. You feel that you can't trust this guy. I get so many women reporting to me that they felt extremely uncomfortable and insecure. On the other hand, when they meet the right person, including myself, I never felt insecure with my husband. We've been together for eight years, seven years married and I’ve felt nothing but security with my man. I never mistrusted him. I never had a moment of doubt inside of my mind. That was, of course, an indication that I'm dealing with a more secure attachment style and a man who has integrity and whose word I can fully trust.
So listen to your gut. If you feel uneasy, there is a reason for that, girlfriend. Let me know in the comment section, have you ever felt this? Have you ever been on a date, maybe just a phone call and something just felt uneasy for you. You just felt like, “Oh, I'm just getting a little nervous. I'm getting almost a little neurosis. I don't know what's going on.” You change something inside of yourself and you don't know why. Let me know in the comments below.
6. He Doesn’t Take You Out in Public
This is because all the other women could be out in public too. So how awkward would that be if he's on a date with you and this other woman is out with her girlfriends and runs into him and it's like, “Fancy seeing you here, who's this person?” That's obviously way too awkward and he would really be caught with his pants down.
Now, a player naturally wants to avoid that and he has strategies developed that work for him. One of them being, he just simply doesn't take you out in public. Also, oftentimes he doesn't want his friends to know about you either for the same reason. It gets really awkward if he has to explain to his friends, “Well, she's my friend and this one is my friend too.” Because guess what? A lot of friends will actually start to like you and feel compassion for you, and may even want to tell you what's really going on. That's way too risky for a player. So he will also not introduce you to his friends, which of course, includes not taking you out in public.
That personally happened to me when I was dating a guy when I was in my early 20s and I was wondering, “What's going on? Why are we always meeting inside his house or at my house?” Well, of course, come to find out later that he never really committed to me, that he was seeing other women. So the last thing he wanted was his friends to know about me because I was very likable and that would have risked them getting to know me and telling me the truth. That has happened to one of my clients as well who was told by a friend that the guy she was dating, who was by the way, the best friend of that friend, was cheating on her. So way too risky for a player. He's not going to take that risk. I'm curious to hear from you, which of those signs do you really resonate with? Which ones have you experienced? And which ones have you taken action on?
Now, for those who stayed until the very end, here is my bonus sign, which is he is emotionally unavailable. Now, what that means is you have a sense that he's disassociated. He's not really attuned. Actually, it makes you raise your eyebrows occasionally because it feels like he has more lines than he actually has heart, openness, transparency, authenticity, and so on. Also, if you feel insecure with him, it's because he has an insecure attachment style. He is a dismissive-avoidant attachment style.
Think about it, If you would date an emotionally available man, he couldn't be a player because he would actually feel your emotions. He would feel way too much guilt, way too much pain inside of himself for actually cheating on you and not telling anyone. He’d risk losing his integrity and it would be way too painful for a man who's emotionally connected with himself. He could never justify this to himself. So, therefore, it has to be an emotionally unavailable man who easily can compartmentalize his emotions, who can cut his emotions off and go of course, straight to the physical aspect of things.
Is He A Nice Guy Or Player Conclusion
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