Trying to figure out the reasons why men pull away from you? In this guide, we share 5 reasons why men will distance themselves after getting close to you.
1. You Handed Him The Wrong Emotional Resume
Let me break this down for you. Picture yourself, going on a date, and then somewhere along the line you send mixed signals. How do you do that? There are many different ways. For example, you laugh when something's not funny. You are sarcastic when you feel insecure. And how do you think that comes across to a man? So, the man may have responded initially with, “Okay. I'll go with that.” So, he's getting close to you, but then ultimately, it's going to fizzle out. He's going to seek distance.
Another way this happens is if you just hand him your resume, and it's bland. So, what I mean by that is you just go through the motions. So if you just communicate what's expected, “Oh, hey, what's your career? Where are you from? Where did you go to school?” Everything that's expected – and there’s nothing wrong with that in the beginning. You may get close, but eventually, it's going to fizzle out if that’s how things continue. So, make sure you don't hand him the wrong emotional resume.
Comment below if this has happened to you; if you have given the wrong emotional resume and you’re wondering why the man you were seemingly close to has suddenly pulled away.
2. You Can’t Stay In “Tension.”
Suppose you are an anxious attachment style, a fearful-avoidant attachment style, or anywhere in between. What ends up happening is that your nervous system is feeling comfortable when there are ups and downs, when you don't know if he's going to call you back, if there's any uncertainty, if you were the one that initiates. You’re going to be someone that feels safe in that due to your attachment style. Now, what happens is when you attract a man into your life who's secure and grounded; you feel tension inside of yourself that you can't hold because that tension is something new you have not experienced before.
A great example of this is when I met my husband, Brody. I certainly had not experienced a man who not only told me the first night we met that I'm the girl of his story but also followed up accordingly with actions. That was quite a shock to my nervous system. Sometimes, when we enter a different country, we go through a culture shock. The same applies to your body, it goes through a culture shock and what happens is it wants to get rid of the tension; it doesn't want to be in that tension. It doesn't want to feel like, “There's something new in my life, and it feels like a free fall because I don't know how to categorize this particular person. I just know this person to be either a friend or someone emotionally unavailable. All of a sudden, I have this incredible friendship and all this passion.” Just saying as an example.
That would create tension inside of your system because you would not know what to do with that. So, instead of growing your capacity for pressure inside of yourself so you can be with this new, novel experience, you end up sabotaging it because you want to go back to what? Certainty. You want to go back to familiarity, your old ways of living. So, I'd love to hear how that's going for you. If you're struggling with that, join our free Magnetize Your Man Dating Support group. With over five and a half thousand women at mymfbgroup.com, surround yourself with like-minded women getting your questions answered and so much more.
3. He is a DA
So, look, dismissive-avoidant attachment styles come on strong. They love to bomb you, and they compliment you, they future-pace the heck out of you, and unfortunately, they can track what makes you happy. But then, when it comes to fulfilling that and following up on it, having you rely on him and him committing to you – he's out. So, that's why in the beginning, with a dismissive-avoidant, it can feel like you're getting so close and then it's just a game over, seemingly overnight. He just disappears, and then he pulls away, and you think you did something wrong. That’s not true, by design, he will pull away because the closer he gets, the more it feels hot inside of his nervous system. The more it feels hot, and it feels he's losing his identity, he can't risk that.
So, to “cool down,” he will have to pull away to maintain his identity and his independence. So, in this case, don't waste your time, girlfriend, you're dealing with a very tough attachment style and unless on the scale, he's more towards the secure, he's more towards being resourced, grounded, and actually can communicate intelligently, what's going on inside of himself, you are in for a long haul of depression, sadness, anxiety, and hope that will never get fulfilled. I would move on. Now, of course, I want to hear from you below in the comment section if you have come across a dismissive-avoidant and yet, have blamed yourself.
4. You Get Afraid He Leaves
This goes a little bit with not being in the tension, but not quite the same. So, when you attract the man who you always wanted, this is, by the way, the third stage of my Magnetize Your Man Method, which is called the manifestation stage. In the manifestation stage, you’ve attracted the right man into your life. Yay! Congratulations! So, he calls you, follows up with actions, treats you like a queen, and respects you. Yes, he even has his own life and supports you as well – it’s almost too good to be true. When is the other shoe going to drop? That’s a common example of the internal dialogue that can occur inside of you when you, all of a sudden, have everything you always wanted to have.
One thing I tell my clients when they come to me is, “When you attract the right man for you, you will know why you have not attracted him before.” In other words, they were blocking themselves in that sense, actually guarding themselves against that fear that they could lose that person. So, when you start to shift, and suddenly, you become fearful of losing that person, you begin to act a little funny. You no longer trust, you become jealous, or you become possessive, or you become incredibly anxious even though you were grounded and confident at the beginning of the relationship; secure inside of yourself.
Now, when that occurs, again, you have to know what to do and how to increase your capacity to feel safe to receive, which, we talk more about in my program. Now, if you want to know, “Where am I standing with all of this? Am I sabotaging myself? Or am I simply attracting the wrong man into my life?” Then get my free Magnetize Your Man quiz and, of course, some juicy custom gifts that I carefully curated for you! Just hop on over to mymquiz.com.
5. Plateau Effect
What often happens is everything falls a little flat after a while. So, it could be after a couple of weeks, after a couple of months, or sometimes, even after a couple of dates. What happens is you don't trust yourself. You're not open to a source to God, and you're getting into your head, and things become one-dimensional. The man can't feel your emotions, can't handle the impact your presence has on his nervous system. He can't feel a shift of perspective, a shift of his state. So, nothing grows, nothing evolves, nothing expands, and you hit this plateau.
So, if you don't know, “What are my other feminine archetypes?” The man may not be called into his masculine archetypes, which you, of course, do with your feminine archetypes, what can occur is hitting that plateau relatively early on, and the men could be like, “Well, there's not much more to her.” Or what could also happen is you don't want to go deep. So, you keep yourself on the surface, you control everything, but you're just not going deeper. You're not sharing something from yourself. So, you're constantly in protection and guarded mode. Eventually, if he likes you, he will make attempts because he wants this to work out but ultimately, he will pull away because it's like,” what? This is way too much effort. I don't know who this woman is. So, I'm going just to pull away and see what else is around.” So, I'd love to hear from you, which of these reasons are eye-opening to you.
BONUS: Too Fast
Of course, for those of you who stayed until the very end, here is my bonus secret – you are moving too fast. There’s good news with this one because you can adjust when you move too fast. So, what happens is when you are more on the anxious attachment style scale, you tend to want to know, “Okay, when does he commit to me? When is he going to propose to me?” etc. So, there is this constant. “Let's go, let's go, let's go.” You can't get there fast enough because you have this hunger for approval, and that, of course, feeds your self-esteem, which is, external self-esteem versus internal self-esteem. So, it's not sustainable.
Also, it feeds the co-dependence as well. So, the more you focus on him, the more he gives you, and so on, so you never learn how to source yourself. You go too fast – physically too fast, emotionally too fast, confessing your emotions early on, all those things. At some point, a relationship consists of two parts. There is, of course, the connection part or the closeness, and then there is also the space and what happens is if you go fast, there will be a time where one or two of you will pull away to create space.
Now, this does not mean it's over. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you. It just means, “Hello, I want to find my equilibrium within this relationship. I want to identify what is the interdependence of our relationship, what is the homeostasis that works for both of us?” What happens typically when a woman is more anxious is she takes this personally, and it becomes this downward spiral. She becomes needier, and she wants to have more closeness, and she wants to have more intimacy, and she wants to have more approval, and she wants to have more security, and then, of course, she ends up chasing the man away. So, in the moments when you feel, “Wow, it went a little too fast,” what you want to do instead is you want to learn how to source yourself and then let the man come back to you. 9 out of 10 times, he will come back to you. So that's the good news.
Reason Why Men Pull Away Conclusion
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