In this article, you will discover the five strategies for what to do if he won't commit but also won't let you go. Hi there, my name is Brody Boyd, I'm the husband of Antia, and I've been helping single men for over 16 years to attract the right woman for them. So I'll give you some of the key insights behind the male psychology and what actually makes them tick. So let's go ahead and dive right in.
5. Get SUPER Clear On What You Really Want
So strategy number five, for what to do, if he won't commit to you, but also won't let you go is to get super clear on what you actually want. So why is it so important? Well, you have to actually have this crystal clear vision of where you're heading for the next five years, the next 10 years, the next 20 years. What do you actually want? Because if you're not crystal clear on what you want it's going to be so easy to fall into a relationship out of comfort.
And the reason I'm saying this is because he might not even be the right man for you is he what you actually want? That's the first step. Because we don't want to send you down a path that's actually going to lead you to something that isn't going to be fulfilling in the long term. So you have to actually plan it out. Get out a piece of paper and vision. What do you actually want? What would be your ideal relationship? If you could have anything if you could wave a magic wand? What guy is he? How does he treat you? What activities do you do together? What are his traits? What does he value? What are his goals? What life are you building together? What are you accomplishing together? Do you want to have a business together? Do you want to have kids together? Do you want to travel the world? Do you just want to enjoy life? Do you want to build products together?
So get clear on what that is, because that's going to be key to making sure for the other steps I'm going to mention here as well making sure that you're actually heading in the right direction. And it will also help to bring him around because if you're really clear on what you want and he is it, he's going to feel that and he's going to be impressed by your clarity, he's going to feel that clarity. But if you are really clear that he's not it, he's going to be able to let you go, because he's going to feel that energetic alignment as well that it's just not a fit, he's going to start feeling that more when you're super aligned within yourself.
4. Reflect & Journal On The Highs & Lows So Far
Strategy number four, is to reflect and journal on the highs and lows of your relationships so far. So the reason why I mean this is that if you're not clear on the highs and the lows of your relationship up to this point, you're not going to be able to really see what strategies are going to help you move forward with either being free of him or having him actually commit. So what I mean by this is, look back in your relationship so far with him. What were the high moments? Where were you guys really working? Where were things where he was… he felt committed to you, he was even actually committing to you in certain ways. You guys were just growing more and more aligned.
What were those moments? What were you guys doing? What was your mindset during those times? What was his mindset during those times? What was the environment around you? Where were those high moments? What was so great that was going on between you and him? And just you by yourself and him by himself also but in the same moments. What were the high moments? Then you want to get clear on what were the low moments, what were those low moments where things were tough, where he was drifting away, where you were drifting away, maybe where you were fighting, or you were both, just having not the greatest energy between each other.
Maybe you were having some differentiating ideas about where your relationship should be heading or where your life should be heading. Just wherever those low moments when things got really tough between the two of you. So actually write those out, write them out on a piece of paper, the high moments, low moments, you could just divide the sheet in half. Now look at those and see what the patterns are. What were the patterns between all those high moments? What made them… What was the common denominator between them? What made this thing so great between you two? And now look at the low moments, what was the common denominator? What made things so low? And now what you'll be able to do is actually see you'll be able to strategize with him and see maybe you're actually starting to understand why he might be not wanting to commit or also why he's not letting you go.
Maybe he's not letting you go because the high moments were so great. But then you have all these other things that weren't working. And then it’s looking at okay, what are these things that weren't working and how can you fix those the low moments, or it's also looking at maybe he only sees the low moments because you guys have drifted away from those high moments and now you're just doing things that are routine or that just you're fighting a lot or you're conflicting or there's different visions and now you can work on those to get back some of those high moments. And then he may want to commit fully. He will be called to commit fully because he'll feel you're bringing back what's making things work. What made him want to commit in the first place or what made him want to start dating you in the first place. So that's a really big key.
3. Use The “Open Dialog” Technique
Strategy number three is to use the open dialogue technique. So what is the open dialogue technique? Well, this is a super powerful technique to bring you both closer together and understand where you're heading. So that either you're going to commit fully and you're going to feel that alignment, he's going to feel that alignment and want to commit or it's going to make it very clear that you guys aren't the right fit for each other and he's going to be able to let you go. So this technique consists of three parts. So what you're going to do is ask him questions about himself to get to understand him more. Stephen Covey, who wrote the book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People said in that book, “seek first to understand before seeking to be understood”, and this is super key and super important for all human relationships, especially romantic relationships you have to understand where he's coming from first deeply and fully so then you could actually share where you are and see where the alignment might be and that's where this technique helps with.
So what you want to do is find some uninterrupted time when you're either having dinner together or you're sitting together during the weekend you're hanging out, we're not going to be interrupted. And you're going to actually say to him, hey, I heard about this cool, open dialogue technique that couples can do interesting techniques. I'm just curious if you want to do it. It basically helps us to understand each other better. Or you can just straight out ask them and say hey, we don't often get to talk about this stuff a lot. But I actually just want to know more about how you're doing where you're at.
So the first question you want to ask him is how do you feel? Like how are you feeling? Just about everything with where we're at with the relationship, how do you feel emotionally what's going on for you? Like how are you feeling? And then he'll probably share if he doesn't share, you could just whatever you need to ease it up a little bit and say hey, I'm just really curious about how you're doing and how you're feeling about us and everything how do you feel? And so you will want to hopefully share some emotions with how he's feeling. I'm good, he might just give you a one word answer that's possible, so good. Or you might say, I'm sad, or I'm bad I mean angry. That's okay, whatever he says is fine, just move along with it. And then the next question is to say why. Why are you feeling that way? Especially if he gave you a negative emotion? Or even a happy emotion asking why, why are you feeling so great about things? Or why is it… What makes it so great? Or why are you feeling sad? Or why are you feeling upset?
So that will help you to get deeper if he gives you just a one word answer no matter what he says, that'll help you to get deeper. Just ask him why do you not want to share? Or why are you feeling good? Or why are you upset? Then part three is asking, what do you want? What do you want? How do you want things to move forward? What are your goals, and he will helpfully say what he actually wants in the relationship, there's something maybe on his mind that he hasn't got to share with you, ‘ cause it hasn't been the safe container, he might actually say what he wants and that'll give you the clues to actually what will make him commit as well.
Or maybe what will let him let you go. And then you're going to share the same things for yourself as well, what you want, how you feel, why you feel that way, and what you want, and you're going to see if you guys have an alignment and that will make it very clear if you guys are on the same page you have the same goals five years from now or right now at least, same values, same goals it's going to be very clear, and it's going to be more likely that he's going to want to commit because he's going to feel that resonance or not and it's going to be time to move past the relationship, hopefully then he will be able to let you go.
2. MEET MORE MEN!
Now, strategy number two, to get him to commit, even if he doesn't want to let you go is to meet more men. Based on these other strategies you've already used it'll become very clear if there's a possibility of him of you being together if it's a good fit if he's going to want to commit. And either way, whether he's still then not wanting to commit, not wanting to move forward, you guys don't have the same goals means he's not ready or he doesn't want to commit but he also doesn't want to let you go. Either way, it's time for you to start opening your horizons.
It's time for you to start meeting more men as one thing I love to say, when in doubt, meet more men. Because when you meet more men, when you expose yourself to more people, more social situations, it's going to broaden your horizons and show you what's out there, what's available. And it's also going to just help you have a better life outside of him and see possibilities outside of him. And you just gotta keep doing it keep improving yourself and getting out there until you start to get some traction with that, going putting yourself on online dating sites, going out to social events once we have social events going out to those but at least start to cultivate a social life outside of him and and exposing yourself new romantic possibilities.
And also life possibilities, because what that's going to do is that's going to help him to feel that's going to help you to energetically open yourself up but it's also going to help him to see wow, if I don't lock her down, she might need another guy I should commit to her, or it's going to help him to say okay, I'm just going to let her go and finally let you move on. But either way, you have to hold strong to that and you have to open yourself up and he might try to fight you about it but just say, you know I want to be these are my goals in life. This is what I want. And it sounds like we're on the same page. So I have to make myself available for that because you have uncovered those things with the previous steps. So that's super important when in doubt, meet more men.
1. Set Real Boundaries
And finally, strategy number one is to set real boundaries. You have to set real boundaries after all of this has been done all the other steps we went through and he's still not letting you go. He's still not letting you move on or he's still not committing, you have to set boundaries, you have to be willing to say no and say no, this isn't working for me, this doesn't work, this isn't what I want. And I have to go for what I want, life is too short to settle for being in a mediocre state being in limbo, I'm not set, I'm not made to be in limbo, I want to have this in my life, I want to have kids, I want to have a family, I want to travel, I want to be with a partner, I want to build things, whatever it is you want, you have to be clear on that. And you have to be willing to say no, that's part of it is raising your standards.
So really what you're doing that, and you're saying no to what you don't want you're telling this to him as well as to the universe, you're saying no to what you don't want so you can say yes, to what you do want the life that you want the experience that you want, the accomplishments that you want, and then you'll be able to move forward, then you'll be able to have that vision. And you have to be strong here this is going to be the toughest part probably is where you have to set boundaries if the other steps nothing has changed you have to be willing to set those boundaries and keep them solid because also you're not going to be able to open up to the new life you're not going to be able to have what you really want as long as you're in this gray zone where there's this and that and maybe we'll work out, maybe we won't there's nothing really going to happen there in your life, you're not going to move forward, you're going to be stuck until you can set those boundaries.
And so that's where you have to get some support from friends. Tell yourself positive affirmations, you're a valuable woman, you deserve exactly what you want. Write down your goals, visualize your goals, create a vision board. So you're excited about that you see the possibility that you can have that you deserve it. And it'll help you to say no, to say no to those times when he wants to hang out when he wants to have a booty call when he wants to basically just play games you have to say no to that. And you have to be willing to be strong in those moments. And that in itself he may prove himself, he may say well, you know what, I actually do really want this and I want to have this and I'm going to commit I'm going to change this and this is why then you can say okay, let's do it. But unless he gives you those clear signs, no, it's a boundary there. ‘Cause you're opening up to what you actually want you're going to be available to the right man to the right relationship to come to you. So those were the five strategies to help you to get him to commit or even when he doesn't want to let you go and is super important, super key.
So if you these tips, if these tips if you these strategies, what's next for you on your journey? Well, first off, I highly recommend, please comment, and subscribe to this blog. So you get more articles from me and my wife and other experts that we bring on how to attract that amazing, incredible relationship. And we also have a special gift which is our ”Magnetize Your Man” quiz. Get FREE customized strategies to attract the right man for you, which you can get using the button below as well. So awesome, hope this was helpful, much love and we look forward to talking again very soon!