#6 – Appreciate Him For Something Unique
Secret number six is to appreciate him for something that other people don't appreciate him for. So, what I always think of when I'm out and about and I meet a lot of people – online, offline. I used to call myself the social dolphin, because who wants to call themselves the social butterfly. Everyone is a social butterfly. Anyways, I would think, what can I actually speak to about this person that's not obvious. So, for example, if you went on a speed date you wouldn't say the same thing that you think everybody else said because how the heck are you going to stand out? How are you going to create a state of change?
The same is true in online dating when you write a profile. One time I was actually pretending I was a guy and not messaging anyone but I just wanted to see what women write, and I found it so interesting because it all sounds the same. So how do you stand out? If you want to make him melt, make sure you appreciate something that somebody doesn't appreciate him for. So don't appreciate him and don't compliment him on the obvious. Like oh, I love your shoes or you're so cute or whatever.
Look at the subtleties, “wow, I really love that quiet confidence that you have inside of yourself” Or “I really love how you were just holding your pen when you were signing the bill.” So catching something that's really unexpected and where he really stands out. Remember one of the six human needs is variety, and we do need that. If something is too predictable, this part of the brain called Broca's area will make it so we think we can predict everything and it's no longer interesting. So try to appreciate him for something that other people don't appreciate him for.
#5 – Tell Him How He Makes You Feel
Number five is to tell him how he makes you feel. In other words, communicate the impact he has on your life. We often assume, that our partner knows that he makes a big difference in our lives, and of course he does, he's going to pay attention to that. Let's say you're on a date and he paid you a compliment or maybe he paid the bill, he knows that impacts your life. But let him know why that makes such an impact.
For example, if he paid the bill on your date, tell him “Thank you for paying the bill, It makes me feel really taken care of and supported.” Communicate the impact it has on you so he can feel the impact inside of himself because men live vicariously through us. Men use over 10,000 words less than we do so we actually describe things more in a nuanced way. When you communicate how he makes you feel he can actually step into that role. If you'd like to learn more about this I'd highly recommend taking our free quiz to get your custom gifts & support now using the special button below!
#4 – Being Vulnerable
Secret number four is being vulnerable. You hear this all the time, but what I mean by being vulnerable is figuring out what is vulnerability for you and your relationship. So for example, being vulnerable could be very simple like when you're on a date and he says two unrelated things and you can't quite figure out the connection and you're feeling lost int the conversation.
Instead of pretending that you're still following along, which by the way that means that you basically just lost rapport. Instead, you actually want to say; and you can be goofy and light about it too, “Hold on, I just noticed you were just talking about your grandma and how that was showing up in your childhood.” Or whatever the case may be, “But all of a sudden you were talking about green shakes and I got a bit lost, can you explain to me again how you got there so that I can follow along?” This itself can be so vulnerable.
I get asked all the time by women, “Well, when should I be vulnerable?” The answer is all the time. Don't think about it, you'll know what vulnerability is for you and your partner. For you, a vulnerability could literally be just interrupting him. Vulnerability could be actually acknowledging I'm not following along right now, and that triggers feelings of stupidity for you because of past experiences, then at that moment, that's a vulnerability for you. So try that out.
#3 – I Was Wrong
Secret number three is to say I was wrong. Okay, so this is really important to see because when you say I was wrong, it makes a man feel safe. He doesn't think about becoming defensive but instead, it opens his heart because he feels like he doesn't have to prove himself all the time, or that it doesn't have to be fight or flight with this woman all the time. Instead she can actually acknowledge that she was wrong and then there's a sense of safety. One thing that I always tell my women is that the quality of men that you attract into your life is directly proportional to your willingness to be wrong.
Remember, we're processing two billion bits of information per second, billions, okay? And only 134 on a conscious level. So, we will be wrong, a lot, and it actually shows a man that you are strong inside of yourself. That you don't have to be righteous all the time and that you won't emasculate him at any cost, but you actually have silent confidence inside of yourself. You're willing to be wrong. You're admitting when you're wrong and it makes a man actually feel safe and feel like he can still be your hero. He can actually come to the rescue. So try that out, very powerful.
#2 – Everything Is Going To Be Okay
Phrase number two is everything is going to be okay. But wait a minute Anita, you just said, the guys want to save me and they want to be there for me and they want to support me. Yes, I'm just saying this when you think about the six masculine archetypes that we train our women on, we all have different parts of ourselves.
Every man has different parts inside of himself and so when we say everything is going to be okay, it speaks to his little boy. So, this is for if you have a balanced man in your life. Of course, if you're noticing already he's always this little boy, he's always collapsing, you have to be the strong one, you have to be the mom then forget this phrase. But I'm talking about a strong man. What this phrase does is say, “I don't just see you as the provider and you don't have to be strong all the time, you're also allowed to be, “weak or insecure” and not have all the answers.” And that will feel safe for him again.
For example, my husband likes to lay on my chest in the morning and it's so cute, it's the little boy in him. He's a very strong warrior, a very strong king. He's very, very much the provider, he can ultimately step into a wild man really fast, but he also has a soft and emotionally gentle side to him. So, when you say everything's going to be okay and you speak to that part, especially if you meet men who are actually emotionally a little bit tougher and you don't the gentleness as often, this would be a good phrase to try out. If you want more support with this I'd highly recommend joining our FREE Facebook Dating Support group now using the special link below!
#1 – You Make Me Feel Safe
Lastly, phrase number one is you make me feel safe. This speaks directly to him being the provider, being the protector. He feels masculine and this is really important for a man, for you to feel safe, and for you to feel happy. Again, this goes a little bit back to phrase number five, letting him know the impact he has on your life. Like really making sure you can let him know how you feel. You make me feel safe will make him feel a bit like Tarzan and Jane, it's going to speak to his wild man.
Phrases To Make Him Melt Conclusion
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