What if I told you that the very thing keeping you stuck in confusion, anxiety, and heartache… is the exact thing that will never change? What if I told you that the man you’re waiting for — the one who says he loves you, but is still living with his wife — isn’t confused at all? That deep down, he already made his choice. And he’s just hoping you never do.
If you’ve ever found yourself in a painful “situationship” — where you’re playing second place, sacrificing your needs, and hoping he’ll finally step up — this article is for you.
I’m Brody Boyd with Magnetize Your Man, and together with my wife Antia, we’ve helped thousands of smart, successful women all over the world attract a loving, long-term, and committed relationship with the right man for over 20 years combined. We’ve shared our message at places like Google, the Harvard University Faculty Club, and Good Morning San Diego — because this truth needs to be heard.
Let me break this all down for you. The truth is hard. But it will set you free.
The “Financial Struggle” Excuse: Why He’s Really Not Leaving
Let’s talk about Tina.
She’s a dental hygienist in her 30s. She wants love, support, and security. She wants a man who shows up for her — fully. But the man she’s with? He still lives with his wife. He tells Tina he’s “not happy” in that marriage. He says money is tight. He says it’s hard to leave.
But here’s what Tina — and maybe even you — needs to know:
That excuse? That’s all it is. An excuse.
It’s not about money. If it was, he would find a way. A man in love moves mountains. He doesn’t say, “I’d be with you if I could afford it.” He finds a way to be with you.
Instead, what he’s doing is softening the blow. He’s not saying, “I’m not leaving because I don’t want to.” He’s saying, “I can’t leave — not yet — poor me.”
This makes you feel like you have to wait. Like you need to be patient. Like it’s out of his control.
But it’s not. It’s a choice.
He gets to live in comfort with his wife. He gets sex, affection, emotional support — maybe even from both of you. And meanwhile, you’re in limbo. Waiting. Hoping. Feeling anxious every day.
That’s not love. That’s not partnership. That’s self-preservation on his part — and self-sacrifice on yours.
“Inner Work” Is Another Delay Tactic
Now let’s add another layer.
Tina’s man says he’s doing “inner work.” That he’s in therapy. That he’s trying to break old habits. That he has demons to fight.
Sounds noble, right?
But let me ask you this: How long is this “inner work” supposed to take? One year? Two? Ten?
This is another way men buy time.
It’s not that he’s lying. Maybe he is seeing a therapist. Maybe he is trying to grow. But if he truly loved you and was committed to a future with you, wouldn’t he be growing with you? Wouldn’t he want to build something — not hide in a cocoon of “not ready yet”?
This man gets to hide behind self-help while keeping both women on a leash.
It’s like he’s saying, “Please just wait until I finish healing… then we’ll be together.” But the truth is, there’s no deadline. No plan. No action.
Healing is not a pause button on commitment.
If anything, true inner work means getting honest about your choices. He’s not doing that. And you’re the one paying the price.
Why “Being Supportive But Not Clingy” is a Trap
Tina asked me a powerful question: “How do I show up as supportive… but not clingy?”
That question breaks my heart.
Because the truth behind it is that Tina doesn’t feel allowed to have needs.
She wants to be loved. She wants commitment. She wants a real relationship. But she knows she can’t ask for that. Because she knows… she’s the other woman.
It’s not that she’s bad or wrong. She just fell for someone who’s already taken. And now, she’s stuck — trying to be the “cool” girl. The patient woman. The one who’s understanding and supportive, while burying her own heart.
But here’s the thing: It’s not clingy to want commitment. It’s not needy to want love.
Those are normal, healthy desires. The problem isn’t Tina. The problem is that she’s with someone who cannot — and will not — meet those needs.
If you feel like you’re constantly asking yourself, “How can I make this work… without needing too much?” — you’re in a situation where you’re not being chosen. And that hurts.
The Truth About the Timeline Trap
Let me ask you something that might sting:
How long have you been waiting?
Not just in this situationship — but in your life?
Have you been holding space for a man who is emotionally or physically unavailable for months? Years? Maybe even decades?
You have to look at the timeline. Really look.
What have you gotten in return for all the waiting, hoping, and justifying?
This is where we get honest. If he said to you today — “I left my wife, I’m moving in” — are you even truly ready for that?
Or are you in love with the fantasy?
Sometimes women stay in these situations not because they want the reality — but because the chase, the rollercoaster, the drama keeps them emotionally hooked. There’s a deep wound underneath that pattern. A belief that love is earned. That love is hard. That love must be proven.
But real love? It’s not chaos. It’s not drama. It’s peace. It’s commitment. It’s presence.
“When The Time Is Right” Means “Never”
Let’s be blunt:
When a man says “when the time is right,” what he really means is… “never.”
That’s man-code for “this isn’t going anywhere, but I want to keep you around.”
He’s not confused. He’s not in crisis. He’s getting what he wants — two women, no consequences.
Meanwhile, you’re living in confusion, stuck in the hope that one day, something will change.
It won’t.
He doesn’t have to change. He’s not being asked to. You’re doing all the changing. You’re doing all the compromising. You’re living in limbo — he’s living in luxury.
And chances are? He might even be seeing other women too. You’re not just competing with the wife — you might be one of many women he’s stringing along.
It’s time to wake up.
What This Says About Your Worthiness
This isn’t about you not being enough.
But it is about what you believe you’re worthy of.
If you believe you’re only good enough to be a side piece… a backup plan… a “maybe someday” in someone’s life — then that’s what you’ll accept. That’s what you’ll attract.
But if you believe you are worthy of real love — of a man who chooses you, who commits to you, who shows up for you — then that’s what will come into your life.
How do you know what you believe you’re worthy of?
Look at your results.
Your life always mirrors back your beliefs. As the Bible says, “You will know them by their fruits.” The fruits in your life — especially in love — tell you what’s going on deep inside.
This is why it’s so important to go within. To heal the wounds. To rewrite the stories. To remember who you really are.
You are worthy of love because you were born worthy.
You are a woman with a feminine heart. And a good man — a real man — desires nothing more than your full, radiant, feminine love.
The problem is, your heart’s been clouded. By bad relationships. By mixed messages. By society telling you to settle, shrink, or struggle.
But that’s not the real you.
We have to clear the clouds. Bring back the sunshine. Let your heart shine again.
That’s when the real man — the right man — will appear.
You Have A Choice To Make
This is the part where it gets real.
You can’t keep holding on to the “cup” — this tiny, half-hearted relationship — and expect to grab hold of the “gallon” — a full, rich, loving relationship — at the same time.
You have to let go. You have to stop clinging to crumbs if you want the feast.
Will it hurt? Yes.
But nothing hurts more than wasting another year — or another decade — on someone who was never yours.
You’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re not stupid. You’re just stuck in a pattern — and it’s time to break free.
In our Magnetize Your Man coaching programs, we teach women just like you how to transform their love life in 90 days.
Sometimes, the man steps up. He sees you rise, and he meets you there. He finally chooses you.
Other times, it becomes clear he never would have. And that clarity becomes your freedom.
Either way, you win.
But it starts with you choosing you.
Get The Relationship Of Your Dreams
If you’re done waiting.
If you’re tired of playing second place.
If you want a man who wakes up every day grateful to have you in his life…
It’s time to take a stand. To say yes to yourself. To raise your worth. To clear your heart. And to claim the love you were born for.
You can start right now by taking our FREE Magnetize Your Man quiz. It will give you a personalized plan to attract a loving, long-term, and committed relationship with the man you truly desire.
Click HERE to take the quiz now.
Because this is only the beginning. There’s so much more waiting for you. The right man. The right love. The real life you’ve always wanted.
But first — you have to let go of the wrong one.
And what happens next… will surprise you.
