ANXIOUS AVOIDANT PERSONALITY DISORDER SYMPTOMS & CAUSES ? Anxious avoidant attachment styles in relationships can be really tricky to navigate especially if you have an anxious avoidant marriage or an anxious avoidant personality. This video will help you to know the difference between anxious vs avoidant attachment and also how to make anxious avoidant relationship work by knowing the CAUSES and SYMPTOMS. Anxious avoidant breakup because of anxious avoidant personality disorder can also be part of this anxious avoidant trap. Enjoy! ?
Would you like to discover the top five anxious-avoidant disorder causes and symptoms? Hey I’m Antia Boyd, founder and creator of the Magnetize Your Man method. And look if you are new to my channel, go ahead click that bell below so you get notified for all the juicy videos coming your way that helps you to attract the right man for you. So let’s go ahead and dive right in to understand are you an anxious-avoidant and what are the symptoms? Or are you dating an anxious-avoidant? Either way, this video will be really helpful.
#1 – Being Conflicted About Connecting
Symptom number one is conflict right, conflict about connection. And so what we really wanna look at here is that there is two different parts inside of yourself or inside of the partner that you’re dating. So in an anxious-avoidant attachment style, what we’re looking at here is there’s a part inside of you that wants to have the deep connective long-term relationship. That has this needy part, this sort of hungry part, this thirsty part that just really didn’t get satisfied. Then on the other hand, you have the other part that’s really saying oh no thank you, I don’t really need anyone. Because I figured out to be self-reliant because guess what? When I was a baby, this was way too painful for me to go through this restraint and to through this really dismissal of my needs, inconsistent response to my needs. So what I decided to do is I become self-reliant. I don’t really need anyone. So that is one thing that you can see. So they’re conflicted about connection. So what does that look like in your everyday life? Well on the one hand you want to have connection. But on the other hand you’re thinking about what could you lose out on in relationship to yourself? For example your freedom. When you connect with a man, with another person because by the way, this doesn’t just play out in relationships. This also plays out in all the other areas of your life including friendship, work, and also health. All right so hopefully you remember this one.
#2 – Reluctant To Depend On Others
Now that leads me to the symptom number two which is there is a reluctance to depend on others. So there’s a reluctance to actually reach out, to ask for support. It’s more just like oh can I figure this out myself? So it’s very similar to what I was just speaking at. And the reason why is, so now we’ll give an example from my own life. I was told don’t bother me when I was a little girl. So what I internalized was okay, I’m not gonna bother anyone. As a matter of fact, I wanna make sure I don’t depend on anyone so that I don’t interrupt anyone, I’m not a burden for anyone. So then I actually became Mrs. Independent. So now when somebody’s like oh Anita do you need help? Oh no, no no, I’m good, I’m good you know? Or let me know if you need any support, I’ll find ways to figure it out myself. Again very very that’s really like a pattern. And then of course like learning how to lean in for support. Relying on another person, knowing that you can trust another person. More on that in my next video.
#3 – Insecure In Sharing Intimate Feelings
Secret number three is really insecurity around sharing sort of more private and intimate feelings. Now why is that the case? Well because remember we talked about that you developed a shell right? So you have a shell outside of yourself. So guess what? To protect that internal self, this internal emotional world, that ecosystem inside of yourself. So now what happens is oh that person comes into your life, a man comes into your life, a woman comes into your life. A girlfriend, whatever the case may be. Business partner, whatever the case may be comes into your life and there’s this invitation to share more emotionally, like more intimately like breaking through oh I got it. And there is this resistance towards that. Because remember, last time when we shared our vulnerability and when we shared our insecurity. When we shared our neediness, which was as a baby, as a toddler, it was not responded to, it was not attuned to appropriately. And as a consequence, we felt helpless, we felt powerless. So the relationship that we have to intimate emotions and intimate moments is that helplessness and that powerlessness and guess what? We don’t wanna go through that again. So what do we do instead? We’re like oh no no no no, I don’t need to share anything vulnerable, no no no no no. I’m good, I’m good, thank you. Why don’t you share something vulnerable? You see, I have so many powerful women come to me all the time and say he never shares anything vulnerable, he never opens up. And I’ll say well how about yourself, are you sharing something vulnerable? Are you sharing something that’s like you know if I were to ask you a question, what is it that you’ve never shared with anyone? How comfortable are you to sharing that? Or what if I ask you the question what is one thing that nobody knows about you? Or what if you said you know, if you would really know me, you would know that. Are you willing to go into that space? If you’re anxious-avoidant, you’re gonna have a much much harder time with that. Again because you have this storied relationship to intimacy, to helplessness, to availability.
#4 – Distorted Relationship With Time
Symptom number four, very interesting. There is this interesting distorted relationship with time, with time and space. So this can look like really always arriving at the wrong time, at the wrong place, reaching people at the wrong moment. So maybe you have resourced friends or maybe you have a resourced partner. But every time when you get to him, or every time when you finally get to expressing what you really need, he doesn’t have anymore emotional capacity left. Maybe you reach him when he’s finally burned out, when he’s drained. And so the timing, it’s just off. You could also feel like you don’t have enough time, you’re running out of time, you’re wasting time. Also what we see, this is more with the anxious attachment style, but since you have the anxious anti-avoidant inside of yourself. Like the anxious knows everything about time, it’s holding onto time for life. For example, anxious attachment styles know really really well when they were born, what minute they were born, when they met their boyfriend, when they were married, when they were divorced. They know everything to a T. They’re very hypervigilant when it comes to time. Because time for them is certainty. So they’re holding on to that certainty, that time. But of course it can also tremendously limit them because they can’t think outside of that. For example, an anxious attachment style may think I have to do one step a time. There’s this logical sequence of events. However, there is no room for miracles to occur. There’s no room for the unexpected to happen. Which of course we hear in dating all the time. When do you meet the right partner for you? When you least expect it. So there you go, there’s this interesting relationship with time.
#5 – Rejects Own Neediness
And finally, number five is you are rejecting your own needs. This could look in many different ways. So it could be your need for food. Oh I don’t need to eat, I can eat later. You need to go to the bathroom, so just any bodily functions. Oh I can just delay that. So there is this constant rejection of your own needs, of your neediness so to say. And so that also means anything that could lead to neediness. So for example maybe you just allow yourself to feel more vulnerable. Or you allow yourself to share something where you need support. You will not allow yourself to do that because you’re rejecting your own neediness. Of course, again the cause of that very clearly was coming from a childhood where you expressed your own neediness and it was not met. Or it was met in a punishing way. Like don’t cry, don’t say what you want, go to your room, go to timeout. So whatever the case may be but something happened when you expressed your need and it was simply not met. It was not met. Or it was even judged, it was made fun of, it was belittled. So if any of that happened, you then reject your own needs. And you really see that. You’re really like okay, I don’t really need that. And you go through analysis paralysis and you’re wondering like oh do I need to express this right now? Oh it’s all good, let the other person go first. You’re also become extremely other focused as well. All right this is it for today.
Of course I wanna know from you the question of the day, have you or someone that you loved have experienced those symptoms of anxious-avoidant attachment style disorder? I’d love to hear from you, put that right into the comments. I studied attachment style theory at UC Berkeley, I totally love it. I help women with that every single day, particularly because I’m actually so kind of like self revaluation here. I actually am an anxious-avoidant as well. So any question that you have around anxious-avoidance, pop them right in the chat below into the comment section. And look, if you like this video, like it, share it and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel. And also don’t forget to take the Magnetize Your Man quiz. The link is also right below this video, or you could go directly to MagnetizeYourMan.com. Ladies this is it for today. I’m Antia Boyd, much love, I’ll talk to you soon, muah.