ANXIOUS AVOIDANT PERSONALITY DISORDER TREATMENT & CURES! ? Anxious avoidant attachment can be tough and if you have had an anxious avoidant relationship in the past, this will really help you! Anxious avoidant attachment style is a big part of what's called the anxious avoidant trap. If you've had an anxious avoidant breakup or ever wondered how to make anxious avoidant relationship work, then you already know how painful this can be. Anxious vs avoidant attachment can be confusing and conflicted, especially if you have an anxious avoidant marriage. These new secrets will help! ?
Would you like to discover five anxious avoidant personality disorder, treatment, and cures?
Hi, I am Antia Boyd, founder, and creator of the Magnetizes Your Man method and look. If you are new to this channel, click that bell right below, so you can get notified when the next juicy video comes to you, which will help you to attract the right man for you.
So look, having an anxious-avoidant personality disorder is no fun because it means you literally have a living parts conflict inside of yourself, that part of you that wants to have that deep connected long-term relationship, and that other part of you that just wants to have space, independence and wants to be by herself. So what can you do? Do not fear; I have the cures for you here!
1. Reach For Help
Now let's break this a little bit, that anxious part inside of yourself, learns that when you reached out as a little girl, as a little child, as a baby, that your reach was not met, but rather, your primary caregiver failed to meet that need; they had missed over and over again.
So you learned that reaching for whatever, reaching for help, for support, for food, was simply not safe. So you stopped reaching. However, let me tell you this, there's no such thing as to stop reaching, we're always reaching, we're always signaling, but we may start doing it in distorted ways. For example, instead of not getting our needs met emotionally, all of a sudden, we start overeating, or some of us have sex addictions, or some of us are workaholics.
So you start to fill that void that you have from that reach with something else that feels sort of similar, and that short term seems to fill you up with what you desire to have, which is this feeling of love, this feeling of being filled, nurtured and saturated.
However, this doesn't last long; it sometimes literally just last a couple of minutes. What needs to happen instead is that you actually have to embrace reaching for help. So stop saying, “I can do it myself. I don't need anyone.
Look, I know exactly what you're talking about because that was me, you're right. I decided to become Miss independent because my mom would always say, “don't bother me,” in German. And so what happened is like I learned not to reach, I'm like, “I can figure this all out myself,” but of course, I couldn't, and a lot of breakdowns in communications and relationships were a consequence of that. So I had to learn to reach for help, to ask,
“Hey, can you say that again? Hey, can you say that in a different way? Hey, when you've said whatever you said, what does that mean to you?” I had to learn that it's safe to reach for help. So cure number one is to reach for help.
2. Let Go Of Focus On Time
Now, what we see with anxious-avoidant and also anxious personality disorder and attachment styles is that they tend to really focus on time, time being the marker for certainty. But what's really interesting is that we actually see in the research that, oh gosh, 0.0, but I thought it's 12 zero, 1% of the human atom is a particle. Meaning that it is the time, that is the certainty less than one percent, zero zero, zero, zero, 1%, as a particle.
This is what we're holding onto, and this is what we know of our past. But 99.9 with, I think it's 39 percent of the human atom in space. So what you have to learn is to become comfortable in the unknown. You become comfortable in places that you can't measure with time, but rather that time can be circular.
Now, what do I mean by that? When we say time is linear, meaning we're focusing on this less than 1% particle, that would really be saying, “okay, so first, I need to have a long-term relationship. At first, I need to do all those things, and then eventually, I'm going to track my husband.”
However, when we say, “Hey, time is circular, let it be in the 99.9 percent of the human atom of the space that we talk about.”
Then we would say, “everything can happen at the same time, you can make quantum leaps, it doesn't matter if you've never dated in your entire life.” Which again was me, I was that eternal single and then after ten years of being single, which was my longest; I call it situationship. Two and a half months, I met my husband, Brody, who I then also got married to.
So it doesn't have to go so linearly, everything can happen at the same time. That is the invitation, letting go of that whole time. Another example that we want to bring here is, imagine you're at a dentist, so what happens? So you want to actually see how time is relative and how this relates to that anxious part inside of yourself. So, when you are at the dentist's office, what do you do? When something gets drilled around your tooth to get your cavity removed, what happens?
You'll be leaning out like, “oh my gosh, I want to be over with that, but I don't want to feel that pain,” So then, what you do is to lean out of it, which means you're actually elongating time. So it seems like five minutes feel like five hours.
But remember what Albert Einstein said, “waiting for train seems to take forever, being on the train time goes by in a second.” So, picture yourself in the arms of a loved one, like the man of your dreams. How fast do five hours go by? Why will that feel like five minutes? Because he was leaning in.
So what does that mean? What that means is letting go of time. Don't say, “okay, I've known this guy enough for three weeks and two days and five hours,” Instead of just say, “I'm here, it doesn't matter what happened in three weeks or three months or three years or whatever the case may be, or when somebody's birthday is, so when your anniversary is on.” This doesn't give you more certainty.
What gives you more certainty is actually saying, “I'm leaning into the uncertainty and letting go of that whole relationship with time.”
3. Stop Merging
What do we see here with an anxious attachment style, one of the coping mechanisms, one of the survival patterns is merging with the other person. Now look, it actually starts like this, we're merged at the nervous system level with our primary caregiver when we come out of the womb, even when we're in the womb.
Now, what normally healthfully happens that you actually start to develop boundaries? We are thinking that when you are about one and a half to two years old, you start to develop boundaries. You start to develop a small sense of yourself, like when mom feels sad, and I feel happy, I don't have to feel sad. Or when mom is hungry, I am not necessarily hungry too.
So, I no longer identify myself through my primary caregiver, but I'm now actually realizing, wait a minute, I can say no, I can disagree, I can be like no, I don't want to do this. Or I do want to do this, even though you don't want to do this. Okay, so when there is something that goes sideways in that particular stage, you stay merged. And so what happens if you stay collapsed? And what that looks like is that you're going to have a really hard time finding your own boundaries in the presence of another person.
So look, this could look like you are actually meeting a friend, and you're getting totally caught up in their world, and then if I were to say, “what do you want to do right now, Suzie?”
You would be like, “I don't actually know because I'm so caught up in my friend's world, and I'm so just making sure that they're happy, or that they get their needs met, or whatever that is.” What happens at that moment that you totally forgot like, oh hello, what about me? When did I get my last question answered for myself? When last did I take care of myself? Do I actually know? Am I breathing right now? Do I feel my feet firmly rooted on the ground? Am I in my body?
So all of those questions are kind of markers for you that tells you, okay, you're not merged to be back in your body. If you don't feel that there's a high likelihood that you are merged, which can be fun, If you are actually aware of it, like, I'm merging, I just want to create this juicy catalyst sort of, like, I'll come to meet with my friend or with my sister or whatever the case might be.
It's more about being aware of it and then say, “Okay now, I'm pulling myself out of it,” so you can even visualize that energy, or that magnet, or the intent attention coming back to yourself. So it is really important to stop merging.
4. Use Guilt As An Activator
Now, what so often happens if you have an anxious-avoidant personality disorder, is that you would train to be other-focus, which by the way, is where you have that avoidant part. That's like, no, I want to be just independent. I don't want to be guilt-tripped.
So, the last thing you want to do is react to that guilt, because if you were to react to that guilt, you're going to do two things, either you're going to over merge, we just talked about it in cure number three, because you're so guilty. So, you become even more other-focused, you'll stay more in the other person's world, and then as a consequence, you will, even more, be giving all your power, all your resources, and all your creativity away, to further the other person's agenda or the other piece that happens if you have resistance to guilt, that you feel the guilt and that you go into the rebel.
You're like, screw all of you. I'm going to go as avoidant as I possibly can. I don't let anyone in my world. And again, you are sort of in this complete opposite, and then what happens is, you just swing in this pendulum between avoidant and anxious. Between like, “screw you, I want all my space by myself,” to be like, “oh my God, I'm merging.”
What else do you need? How else can I give my power away? How much more of a people pleaser can I be? Rather than that, what the goal here is for the anxious in a void is really coming down and grounded into the middle, into a golden middle, that's what we're really looking for here, okay.
5. Learn To Feel Safe To Be Seen
Now, what sometimes happens is that we start to feel unsafe to be seen. Because we're not getting our needs met sometimes, we are even threatened when we needed to get our needs met or when we were actually raising and rising in our confidence, in our sense of self, and that was actually punished.
So what's really important here is that it was not safe to be seen. It was not safe to be heard, and it was not safe to express yourself. So what you do instead is, you do two things; either you'll cut it off, so you disassociate because that's way too painful to feel all these emotions like, joyful, vibrant, radiant energy inside of yourself, but yet, you can't express how you're going to go about it, again, you help somebody else to be seen.
So you're like, “oh, I see you, yes, I see you. I help you to be so seen, and I celebrate you so much,” Very typical for an anxious-avoidant, they start projecting everything onto the other person that they actually want to receive themselves.
It is obviously very unhealthy because ultimately, you stay over merged, you're overly giving your power away, and you are never going to come back into your own center and get your own needs met. The biggest piece is like; your man will not be able to find you because he's not going to able to see you.
So this is really important here, it's safe to be seen. Now, how do you get there? For oneself to be seen as really navigating through that fear that you are in, that shame that can come up when somebody says, “oh well, who do you think you are?” Do you know what I mean? Do you think you have the right to be seen? Do you think you should be in tension?
So we have others shamed around. We need to learn to navigate that shame and say, “yes, absolutely, I have the right to be seen, I feel safe to be seen. I want to be seen. I'm shining my unique light. And by the way, by me shining my unique light, I inspire you to shine your unique light.”
Okay, the same thing, it doesn't help anyone when you dim your light, but it helps everyone when you shine your light because it permits them to shine their light as well. The same is also relating to the partnership that they are either already in, or that you are attracting them into your life.
So ladies, this is it for today the five cures and treatments for anxious avoidant personality disorder. Well look, I wanna hear from you is to the question of the day is, which of those five treatments and cures do you resonate the most and do you commit to start integrating into your life? Get even a girlfriend on board as well but I'd love to hear from you in the comment section as well. Also, if you have thought this video was helpful, love it, share it with your girlfriends and of course, subscribe to my channel.
If you also wanna learn what it actually means to be in full alignment, actually knowing that, Antia, I don't actually know what you mean when you say disassociation, disconnection, like what do you mean, what's happening? Then I'd invite you to take my Magnetizing Your Man quiz 'cause you'll actually see what's going on inside of you, where you're associated, where you're fully connected and way where you not.
Okay so take that, you can hop on over to magnetizeyourman.com grab it right there, or you can go to MagnetizeYourMan.com and click that link right below as well to get that quiz right in your inbox. All right ladies, this is it for today. I believe on you, shine your unique light, you are amazing, show it to the world, much love, and I will talk to you very soon, much love, bye bye.