Discover how to stop obsessing over a man and how to stop obsessing over someone with these 5 CRUCIAL keys. Oftentimes, knowing how to stop obsessing over a guy can be tough and many women even wonder how to make him chase you after you slept with him. Whatever the case is, knowing how to stop obsessing over an ex or how to stop obsessing over someone you can't have is key to moving FORWARD and creating the love life that you want. Enjoy! 🥰
1. Use “The Christmas Code”
So, what in the world do I mean by this? You don't obsess over Christmas. If tomorrow is Christmas, you are excited about it, but you're not obsessing about it and part of the reason why is because you know it's Christmas tomorrow. So in other words, what happens is when you obsess about something, you don't know if it's going to happen – your unconscious expectation is negative. Then, of course, that increases your anxiety and sends you into fight or flight. You start to overthink and obsess and you can't stop it because it's this lizard brain inside of you that has so much power, so much momentum, so much strength, it's so much more in all the other parts of the brain and it just overrides them all.
So next time, when you obsess over a guy, really think about it like, “if I knew he'd call me tomorrow, would I still obsess over it?” Or how can I create a positive, unconscious expectation for my man? An example would be to visualize him calling, not being fearful around him right, and visualize that he's going to ask you out on another date. There is this unconscious expectation, even in your mind, even in your vision about him continuing with you.
2. Channel Your Focus
When we obsess there's so much energy, it's ferocious, it's like a waterfall, it's intense. So you can do a lot of it because you can't stop it but what you can do is you can blog it or channel it in a different direction. So for example, what I did, when I obsessed over a guy, gosh, that was over 12 years ago and I met him on Spiritual Singles (I don't know if that website even still exists), he lived in Chicago and we had some phone calls but all of sudden he didn't call as regularly anymore. He didn't text as regularly anymore and I started to overanalyze, right? I started to obsess over this guy, thinking that he's the one and so on.
So what I needed to do, I needed to channel, to blog that energy and what I did is I wrote “I trust,” 139 times, yes I'm not kidding, I'm going to show you one of those pages one day. I wrote this because I knew one quality I didn't have in that moment of obsession was trust. I didn't trust them at all, I doubted, I questioned, I second-guessed. There was a whole breakdown happening of beliefs inside of my nervous system and instead, I needed to trust.
Now you can do other things, you can write music. I have done that too, written music and poetry before because you relax into the anxiety, you're not running away from it. You're not trying to do something with it to cover it up, but you're saying yes to it. Then what happens within that anxiety is a lot of creativity. So try it out. Now, if you want to learn more about that, I invite you to take my free quiz to attract the right man for you using the button here:
3. Knock Yourself Out (Figuratively)
What do I mean by that? One principle we have when we're talking about attachment styles, especially anxious attachment styles, it's again, leaning into the anxiety. So instead of telling the little girl inside of you, “no, you can't do that, you shouldn't do that, it's shameful, it's embarrassing. You can't be needy. You can't be this, you can't be that.” It's actually how strong the neediness can be. Like how much can you obsess over this guy? Just go all the way, go big and then go home, so to say. Then I say, knock yourself out.
Like if you feel angry, just go, go for it – scream into and hit your pillow, get yourself a plastic baseball bat if you don't have that, you can use a cooking spoon and hit your pillow or something (but be careful!). You can even wrap some words around it as well. I’ve also heard a little tip to put a brown plastic bag over the pillow because it has more of a sound, it has more of an impact.
Okay, and then what happens is you're saying yes to it. So when I say knock yourself out, it comes from improv. So in improv, we learn to say “yes and.” So for those of you who have done this before, when somebody says something and you build onto it, right. I'm flying a unicorn in the air. Yes, and there's also a dragon there. Yes, and, right, so there's a building versus a denial, so that's what I mean when I say knock yourself out.
4. Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
Now, this is when you, in general, have those kinds of patterns where you get into high levels of anxiety. It's a pattern for you. It happens every so often, after a certain part in the relationship or the conversation sequence, this happens for you. So what you want to do is to catch what's happening at the top of the mountain. You want to understand what's the pivot point because once the pivot point is passed, now it goes downhill, it has a lot of momentum you cannot stop it.
If you understand that there's a pivot point and what that pivot point may be this is helpful to reverse engineer and walk yourself back to what happened before that? What happened before I became anxious? Oh, my work didn't go so well or I was in traffic for too long, or I had too much pressure and tension, so catch yourself before, because then you have more space, you have more perspective, you have more ability to navigate this situation.
This has worked for me many, many times. I had one client and she caught herself and what she found out is that when she gets up late, that's what it is for her. Then everything just goes downhill from there and she has less capacity to deal with additional stressors, for example, a man who doesn't respond to her on time. So give that a little bit of a try. Okay, then, of course, you can join my free Facebook group where we're chatting about this all the time using the link below:
5. Do A Pattern Interrupt
With this, you can find what works for you. So this particular tip comes from NLP, Tony Robbins talks a lot about it, pattern interrupt. What it essentially is, is it’s when you are in a particular pattern when you feel there is this sequence of events that are happening and I can't stop it, you can do a pattern interrupt. So maybe it's a jump, maybe you jump up and down or maybe it's saying, “hallelujah,” or whatever, right. You do something that you normally never do. You say something, you move in a certain way, you breathe in a certain way, right? It could just actually be through breathwork, but you're interrupting the pattern.
Let's say you're driving and somebody cuts you off and you're ready to obsess over it. It's hard not to but instead, you can say “what a wonderful day” because what happens is it was an aggressive tone from which I said it, but then “what a wonderful day” is a positive message and it confuses the brain. It sends the brain on vacation, short-term. So that's a powerful pattern interrupt. Then from that place, you can recalibrate and find out, okay, what is working for you? How do you want to move forward?
How To Stop Obsessing Over A Man Conclusion
Alright, as usual, comment down below, what key helped you the most to stop obsessing over guys and why? And take my FREE quiz to get your custom gifts now using the link below!