It’s a hard question to answer: “When to stop trying in a relationship.” There is no clear-cut answer. We all know relationships can be difficult. When it comes to relationships, there are often many highs and lows. Though not all relationships are meant to last forever, there are certainly some signs that you should watch for before throwing in the towel on your relationship. If you are tired of trying or feel like you’re trying too hard in your relationship and he’s not putting in the effort, here are 5 signs to help you decide if you should keep trying to save a relationship!

1. He Is Pursuing You

When women come to me and wonder: should I keep trying, is this meant to be? One aspect I'm looking at is if he's still investing in her, is he still reaching out? Is there still interest? Is he still respecting her? Is there something there that still pulls you two together? 

For example, I have one client, and the guy continues to come back around. He always continues to reach out even though she goes through her anxiety breakdowns and that can gain quite some momentum and can create even traumatic memories from the past. Whatever we experience at this moment is just a magnified version of something we experienced in the past. That's why some things may get blown out of proportion, but that’s the thing. Through all this is he still investing in you, is he still saying, “let's keep trying.” Is there still this glue there? That magnetism.

2. There Are Triggers

Now hear me out, this is when the worst thing that can happen, actually happens. The opposite of love is not hated, the opposite of love is apathy. So when you guys get to the point where you're just stonewalling each other, it's over. You don't have to worry about it anymore because there's nothing left.

 If there are triggers, that means there is momentum. There is a spark there that is still an inspiration. There is still interest and passion there but that also means there are so many wounds to be healed on your end. You still care, you're still emotionally engaged with this person. The other person is still emotionally engaged with you and oftentimes can create the biggest catalyst of healing, of transformation of growing closer together in a way you would have never thought possible. Behind all of those triggers, there is so much space and a whole new opportunity to relate to each other, to love and care for each other. 

I will give you an example, let's say you get triggered because you don’t feel good enough; he said something that made you feel not good enough. What happens is at that moment, you were triggered because maybe your dad made you feel like you're not good enough or maybe your mom made you feel like you're not good enough. So at that moment, it has nothing to do with what he said. You're going into that anger response and in doing so, you become the bitch but then what happens is if you engage with those feelings, you’ll see that underneath there is a level of helplessness. There is a level of powerlessness that you don't want to feel. When you're able to feel that, there's a lot more femininity. There's a lot more availability and openness and room for love and yearning and sensuality. Your partner is going to be more in love with you than ever before. 

Additionally, he will feel safe to open up as well about what happened to him and what his triggers are. I see this all the time with men and women, how they start to relate to each other once they start to open up to each other and understand what is underneath that reactive emotion. What is authentic emotion? That's why I love triggers and why there's still so much hope and you should stay if that's the case. 

When to Stop Trying in a Relationship

3. It’s Not Just His Fault

What I mean here is, you know he's not the only one who's not emotionally available or who doesn't call regularly. If you’re also not that open emotionally and busy protecting your heart, it’s possible that it’s not just his fault and you may be mirroring each other. You want to be able to get to a point where you can see that it's not just his fault. 

I’m not talking about narcissistic or sociopathic love here, I'm talking about two people in a relationship that both have good intentions but there's just a lot of triggers and they just don't know how to deal with or handle all of that. There are so many coping mechanisms that you have developed since you were a child to protect yourself to survive, to thrive, to look good, to overcome your fear, to be seen, to overcome your fear to be heard. 

It could also be the case that he's invisible. Like he's not reaching out because he feels judged by you. Then you have to think, is this a reactive emotion? Or is that the authentic emotion? What are you judging inside of yourself? So you see where I'm going with this. I could bring many more examples but the point is this is not just about him. There's so much about myself and how I show up in the relationship that's not authentic, that's not the most loving, the most trusting, the most open-hearted. Then there's a reason to try again. 

4. You Have A Life Purpose Together

Sometimes God brings you two together because you have a bigger mission on this planet. This bigger mission brings you guys together over and over again. It helps you overcome the petty small disagreements and concerns, the projections you put onto each other. You overcome all of that because you get to see that you’re here to make a bigger difference on this planet. We're here to uplift humanity together. 

One of my biggest passions is to create more powerful couples on this planet. So if you're one of those power couples if you feel you have the potential to be one of those power couples. Then you're also going through this experience. You are supposed to be the container for all those people who come into your life who will come up against these challenging circumstances and obstacles and you're supposed to go through that with your partner, so you can throw a person a rope and say, “Hey we've been down in that cave and we can throw you a rope and get you out because we know how to get out and how to make the most out of the cave.” So you wouldn't be able to do that if you wouldn't be able to if you wouldn't have a life purpose together. 

5. Your Intuition Is Telling You To Stay

Let me explain this, we have the intuition that comes from a place of love, space and hope. Then we also have fear. How do I know the difference between intuition and fear or ego or resistance, you may ask? Well, fear, ego, and resistance come from a place of fear, separation and constriction. There are often times where you feel you have to hold something back or you have to protect yourself – love will never tell you that you have to protect yourself. Love will invite you to make the sermons and distinctness but it will never tell you to close your heart. If you encounter that energy or that internal dialogue you can rest assured that you're dealing with ego. 

Now the other way inspiration and intuition are showing up in your life is if you can be thrown together over and over and over again. This was the case when I met my husband. For those of you who don't know my story I was basically kicking and screaming when I met my husband. He told me the first night that we met that I'm the girl of his story. However, that didn't mean that I fully bought into that and the rest is history and that was unicorns and butterflies. In fact, it was the opposite, I spent a lot of time attempting a lot of sabotage on the relationship; I ignored him, I drank a whole bottle of champagne when I never drink, I ignored him and at a museum opening, I broke up with him for three hours. I was so resistant but guess what started to happen? The universe, God, brought us together over and over and over and over again. It was funny we would end up at the same housewarming party, the same museum opening, the same grocery store. If you feel like, “wow, my man is orbiting around me.” 

You can’t get rid of him. That's also a reason to try again, you two are meant to be in each other's lives. Now, if it's for a season or then a lifetime will be shown later on, but for right now you are meant to stay in this relationship. You're meant to try again and who knows, maybe you'll be us and eight years later, you look back and you're just so in love and just think, “wow, isn't it amazing how creative the mind gets when it wants something so good for us.” 

Trying too hard in a relationship


If you liked this article I invite you to watch my free playlist course on how to make a man chase you and also take my free Magnetize Your Man quiz at or by clicking the button below. How was this article for you? How does it feel for you being in a relationship and being triggered and not knowing if you should stay or go? We'd love to hear your comments.

Antia & Brody Boyd
Antia & Brody Boyd

Husband and wife team Antia & Brody Boyd have been helping thousands of successful women all over the world for over 20 years combine to get a loving, long-term & committed relationship with a high-quality man fast without loneliness, frustration or rejection. They've also been featured expert speakers at Google, the Harvard University Faculty Club, ABC Radio & Good Morning San Diego.

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