Are you looking for signs he's just not that into you? After all, It’s not always easy to tell if a what a man is thinking or feeling. So how can you tell, how do you know? Even if you might have some idea you still want to be sure before proceeding, right?
Here are five signs he’s not into you, or if he once was, he's not anymore, and what you can do about it!
1. He Does Not Pursue You
Are you the one who always has to pick up the phone? Do you always have to initiate or come up with all the plans? In turn, does he never call or even text you all that often? Maybe you feel that there’s not really an investment – energetically or emotionally – from him. If he wants you, he makes dates, plans and pursues you.
Here’s an example, maybe you're in one of those relationships or “situationships” where the man doesn't really ask to hang out, there's no real commitment and there's no really pursuing anything, You don't really feel like he cares to know when you're available or he really wants to go places with you. Instead, it feels like a free fall, you don't really know where you're at. You feel lost, you feel disoriented. If you are in that place, he is just not that into you.
2. He Is Inconsistent
Maybe he tells you that you're the girl he always wanted and he never expected this miracle and as a response, you get excited. You get your hopes up only to see that the next day he just drops off the face of the earth. He doesn't message you at all, just leaves you hanging for several days at a time. So he’s really enthusiastic and then crickets.
When you’re together, everything is amazing, but then afterwards there’s nothing, there’s no communication at all, he’s very inconsistent or worse, completely goes ghost. Then, as if nothing happens, he pops back up – we call that zombie-ing. When somebody ghosted on you and then came back, they rose from the dead as zombies do. That’s something you want to be aware of, girlfriend, don't lie to yourself and tell yourself he's busy. If the inconsistency is consistent, chances are he's just not that into you.
3. His Actions Don’t Match His Words
What does that look like? Well, he tells you, I love you, but then there's no follow-up. He says, “let's go on a vacation” but then there's no follow-up. He makes you lots of promises that he breaks over and over and over again. You also find yourself in a space where you don't really trust him or don’t find yourself relying on him. If you find yourself in a place where he tells you something and your first thought is, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” Chances are he's just not that into you.
For whatever reason, he is just not available. This means he’s also not available to himself, he doesn't have the integrity a king should have. A king has king integrity, he has a backbone, his words mean everything to him or he will just adjust and say, “hey, I'm aware I promised you that, but I can't do it this weekend” or “can we reschedule” but he’s going to make it up to you. It may be really hard for you to actually uncover what's normal and what's not normal. When should you hold them accountable versus when do you question if you’re having too high expectations?
Often that comes from childhood if you had a dad who constantly broke his promises and never had any follow-through or he said that he loves you, but he didn't really show you that he loves you then that may have made it so that words don't really mean anything. Or worse, you kept an open loop and were hoping that if you continued to anticipate, finally, it's going to come through.
How that looks is when you meet men who are the profile of your dad, who give you that same sense of disappointment and also that same sense of tension inside of yourself. If he says something but you don't know if he's going to follow through, you desperately hope and pray he's going to follow through, but you don't know. Girlfriend, he's just not that into you.
4. He Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries
Now I want to make a distinction here. There's something to be said about men who know who they are and who know how to tell that your boundaries are actually just really a sign of fear, a sign of resistance that actually you do want him to break through those boundaries. That's not what I'm talking about. That was the case with me, I was keeping my husband at bay in the beginning but he watched my body versus listening to my words which he was very well-advised to do because he was teaching men for years how to actually attune to a woman's body, how to read the micro signals that women are sending consistently.
What I mean here is, when you really say, “hey, it's not okay for you to be late” and he’s late again or you say, “no, I really don't want to have sex with you” and he is trying to get you to do it even though you reinforce it. When you're setting very clear boundaries and they get violated over and over, you need to take that as a sign. Now, this can particularly happen with a narcissist. If you had a narcissistic mom in your past, a narcissistic father in your past, or a narcissistic ex-boyfriend and everything is coming back to you about how they love to disrespect boundaries, dismiss you in front of their friends, be aware if this feels like it’s happening again.
Now, I will give an example of what to do instead. One thing that my ex-boyfriend did was he didn't beat me, he just belittled me in front of his friends. I put my foot down and said, “you are never going to do that again.” He continued to disrespect my boundaries because he shifted, he still ended up not being the right person but it wasn't because he wasn't into me and he shifted. So if a man is still not responding to your boundary setting, then he simply doesn't respect you, he doesn't really care about your emotions. He doesn't really care if he hurts you because he's way too invested in himself. So in that case, just run.
5. He Only Calls You Late At Night
Booty call alert! So, ladies, I'm sure you've heard this over and over again, but I want us to repeat it because often we can justify it to ourselves – he's busy just or he's just not available until late at night. That may be true, but then he wants to come over with a bottle of wine or he wants to watch a movie or he wants to give you a massage or whatever the case may be, and if you're always a late-night phenomenon, he's not that into you.
If he's into you, he will want to get to know you throughout the day. He will make some time for lunch, for an early coffee in the morning, he will fit you in. He will work on making you a priority as much as he can, that's the other piece too. You want to watch out because you could say but actually he really is that busy. Yes, but then we have to ask ourselves this question of is he emotionally unavailable? Is he using work to really escape from his own emotions, from intimacy, from connection and from the relationship? Also, in this case, he doesn't really have the capacity to really be into you. So watch out for those patterns, I hope this helps.
Signs He's Just Not That Into You Conclusion
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