Discover the top mistakes women make in dating and also what to do when you make a mistake in a relationship! Knowing these HUGE relationship mistakes women make can help you to avoid when dating goes wrong and prevent the biggest mistakes that women make with men. Enjoy! ?
Video Transcript
In this article, you will discover the five mistakes you are making with men, and what to do about it.
Hi, I'm Antia Boyd, founder, and creator of the Magnetize Your Man method. And if you're new, comment, and subscribe to my blog, so you get new articles coming your way. Now let's go ahead and dive right in.
5. Waiting For Him To Call
Mistake number five is waiting for him to call. So, maybe you’re thinking he’s just not that into you. Remember Gigi? Sitting next to the phone, putting her whole life on hold, waiting for him to call? Like there's nothing else to do. She's adjusting to him calling, but when you do this, you're giving all your power away and somehow intuitively he can feel that so he's even less likely to call.
The other reason why you don't want to do that is that when he then finally calls, two things are going to happen: Either you're going to be super needy like “Oh, you finally called, I missed you so much. You're so amazing.” Or you're going to be resentful because you've given all your power away, and you’re now trying to get that power back. When you’re resentful you’ll be like, “Well, who do you think you are? So you're finally giving me the honor of calling me?” It will be a little bit passive-aggressive.
Here's what you want to do instead, have a good time with your girlfriends, distract yourself, do things that bring you fun, that make you happy. Don’t just wait for one guy to call, talk to other men as well, don't just focus on one man. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Another thing that you can also do is focus on what this creates for you. So instead of wanting to close the loop, to get the outcome that you desire to have, what you want to do instead is focus on the discomfort and on the shame itself, and use that as an opening for you to become more available to the right man.
4. Being Other Focused
Mistake number four is being other-focused. It happens often that if our needs weren’t met in our childhood, we tend to become other-focused. So here's the idea, I don't get my needs met, but I'm going to make sure I make sure that your needs are being met that way at least someone's needs are being met. I'm going to create a strategy so I can live vicariously through your needs.
Now, you don't want to do that and this is for two reasons: you strengthen the energy, moving away from yourself to others. So you're happy to serve, you're happy to give all your power away, very similar to the first mistake I mentioned and you want to strengthen being self-focused instead. You want to learn to feel safe in yourself, and then when you are self-focused, a man can appreciate that, because he feels like the weight isn’t entirely on him. She’s also honoring herself, so the expectation isn’t just on me to meet those needs. It feels safer for a man when a woman focuses on herself.
One man who was a very successful entrepreneur said it best, “I'll treat you like a queen, but you have to know that you are one.” So when you become self-focused, that means you know that you are a queen, you know that you are the prize that the man has to appreciate and fight for.
3. Adjusting To A Man’s Timeline
Mistake number three is adjusting to a man's timeline. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen women completely shift their schedules around for a man. For example, let's say they had their yoga class every Tuesday at 5:00 p.m. Now, the man is texting her and asking if she’s available that night for happy hour and she happily throws all of her agenda out of the window to adjust to the man's timeline. He wanted to meet her for happy hour, and before you know it, she also starts to cancel cocktail nights with her girlfriends, because the only night he's available is Friday, and Friday used to be girls’ night, but now that's not going to happen anymore. So you're losing yourself more and more, and you're actually building a lack of self-trust, and finally also lack trust from a man, because he can tell when you are sacrificing yourself.
A man can tell when you start to abandon yourself. You see when women come to me and say, this man abandoned me. I have one question to ask them, “I'm curious, when did you start abandoning yourself?” That's right, and this may be a little tough to hear but you want to be able to see, okay, when did I stop going to yoga class? When did I start cancelling on my girlfriends so I can go on a weekend trip with this guy that I just met, and that I don't even know if it's the right person? When did you start to give your power away and adjust to his timeline?
Here's what you want to do instead. Again, let’s say he's inviting you to happy hour and you said “I'd love to go, but I do have my yoga class at 5:00 p.m.” I guarantee you there will be other times that he's available. He will make himself available because he's becoming more attracted to you, he’s thinking, “Wow, this is a woman who's holding her own. Good for her.” Especially if it's an attractive man who's used to getting what he wants. If he doesn't get what he wants, that’s often a big point of attraction.
I have a funny story about that. When I was dating this guy 11 years ago and he asked me to go on a sailing trip and it was a Sunday afternoon after church. Every woman would be excited to go on this adventure together, but I said I need to spend time by myself or with a girlfriend. That was really unexpected for him because he was handsome, attractive, had this boat, it's the middle of the summer in California, and so on. It was so interesting because he started becoming more attracted to me. I mean, he called me and he texted me, and he pursued me because I learned to stick to my agenda versus adjusting to a man's agenda.
2. Pretending To Be Someone You Are Not
Mistake number two is pretending to be someone that you're simply not. This is super important. So, let's say you're not a sports fan – don’t pretend you're a sports fan. Don't pretend all of a sudden that you're an expert in golfing if you have zero interest in that. If your man is into finances, don't pretend that suddenly you are a finance genius, you know everything about it. Maybe you don't exercise and your man exercises, but all of a sudden, you're a well-versed athlete and you know everything about muscles and nutrition, even though you have no interest in that. I see this all the time that women start to go to events where they think they're going to meet quality men, but the event itself, they have zero interest in. Don't pretend to be someone that you're not, because it's going to do two things.
For one, he's going to think that you are a certain way, that you are a certain person, and he's going to be so thrown off when he finds out that you have no interest in that. For two, he's also not going to trust you. Like she's already trying to be somebody that she's not, that means she's putting me on a pedestal and that she's willing to sell out on herself, and he's going to lose so much respect for you.
Here's what you want to do instead. Now, you can joke around with this a little bit, and have fun with it and say that, you know what? Like sports is not really my thing, or I'm not really a gamer, or I'm not so into politics, but how about we talk about this? So authenticity goes such a long way. Look this guy is not interested in you because you're interested in politics. He's interested in you because of you. Like you caught his interest for a reason. So go ahead and trust that.
1. Having Sex Too Fast
Finally, mistake number one is a little precarious but don't have sex too soon. It goes a bit with the women going along with the man's agenda that we just talked about. What I also see so many women do is write me thinking, well, he already invited me for dinner, and he already brought me flowers and chocolate, and he already picked me up and now there's this feeling that I owe him something. So, then what happens is you get intimate too fast and unfortunately, it's not yet matched up with the emotional intimacy with the energetic intimacy, and even intellectually being able to comprehend it. Then what happens is your system starts to feel less safe because you've given so much of your power away. You feel you owe him something, you don't feel safe in your body, and now on top of that, you're also attached. Especially if you have an orgasm in that interaction, you get bonded to him through oxytocin for up to 30 days. So, girlfriend, you don't want to do that because you're going to go crazy, you're going to get anxious, you become needy, you start giving even more of your power away.
Here's what you want to do instead. For one, you want to adopt the mindset that you don't owe anybody anything. If he picks you up, that's his choice. If he gives you flowers, that's his choice. If he invites you to a five-star restaurant, that's his choice. Trust your presence. Express who you are, your true nature is enough of a gift. Your presence is enough of a gift to him to justify the investment he made in you, trust me, the right man will wait for you. Like he will wait, and he will respect you because when a man is looking for a wife, he doesn't expect to get laid on the first, second or third date. He knows if you’re going to be something long-term that he’s willing to invest in because he sees that you trust yourself, you honor yourself. So he trusts and honors you.
Conclusion
If you liked this article, I invite you to take my free playlist course right below this article on how to make a man; a quality man, chase you. Also, don’t forget to take my free magnetize your man quiz, where you get a personalized dating strategy just for you so you attract that right man for you.
