Discover the 9 green flags in a relationship to look for and green flags in a relationship so that you can KNOW if someone is worth pursuing and really how to know if a relationship is worth pursuing as well. Enjoy! ?
Do you want to discover the 9 green flags in a relationship? Hi, I'm Antia Boyd, founder and creator of the “Magnetize Your Man Method”. If you're new to my blog, comment and subscribe so you get notified when more juicy articles come your way. Let's go ahead and dive right in.
9. Pays For The Date
Green flag number nine, he pays for your date. Now, one thing that I have my women assess regularly is how much a man invests in you – money, time and energy. The last time I checked, the women that come to me want to feel supported and feel cherished and taken care of, so one wonderful way a man can show up is in the way that he pays for dinner, for the drinks, for whatever it is. The reason why is a green flag is that he is really presenting himself as a provider, but even more importantly, he communicates his investment in you. He values you, he appreciates you. Like when we say a house appreciates, it increases in value, so one way he shows that increase in value is by literally investing in you.
Now I know for most of you, you're already successful and you could easily pay for your meal and your dinner, I know that. That's why it's even more powerful to allow a man to do that for you. My husband has worked with men for 10 years and they told us – “I want to treat my woman like a queen,” but she has to know that she is one. So allow the man to treat you like a queen.
8. Asks You Questions About Yourself
Green flag number eight is he asks you questions. Now we're moving right along with the theme of investment. When he asks you questions it shows that he’s interested in you; It's not all about him. It's not him talking just about himself, but rather he's really curious about you. Who are you? What are you all about? What's your family life like? What do you do on a day-to-day basis? What are your values? Especially if he is considering a long-term relationship with you, he’ll want to know how you’d fit into the other areas of his life. Well, guess what, how do you think he's going to figure that out? Through asking you questions. He values you.
7. Shared Values
Green flag number seven, and this is not to be underestimated, he shares your values. Political values are really important to be shared, but we've never been in a time of so much polarization. So what’s important is that he’s looking in the same direction as you. One thing I can tell you after almost eight years with my husband is that having shared values is the glue that keeps you guys together. Having a similarly-minded purpose is one of the components to fulfill the king and the queen archetype; we talk more about that in our home study course. You want to make sure that the needs of the king and the queen are being met and that is often fulfilled by shared values and shared visions.
6. Has Goals And Is Improving Actively
Green flag number six is that he has goals and he pursues them actively. A lot of women come to me and say, “Antia, I met this guy and he's well off and he's doing well but he doesn't have drive or any goals. I don't feel like he's growing.”
This is looking really at the value of growth, because if you are a woman who grows, who expands, who steps outside of her comfort zone and evolves, you need a man by your side who does the same. Otherwise, you will outgrow him. So if he's actively pursuing his goals, that’s fantastic. This indicates he has some sense of direction in his life; he knows who he is and he has a long-term vision which is very important, particularly when it comes to planning a life with him.
5. Keeps Their Word
Green flag number five should remain unsaid, but he keeps his word. His actions follow his words and there is consistency, congruence, no need for apologies and excuses and everything else in between. This is what we call king-integrity, he carries himself with a high value and confidence and he treats you in this way as well. His word is who he is.
This is important because if you attract men into your life who don't keep their word, you end up with all those excuses from him and you fall to the wayside. If he can’t keep his word, you're not dealing with a king. He's not respecting himself, he's not honoring himself. So how in the world is he going to honor you?
So if he tells you, he’ll call you tomorrow at eight; he'll call you tomorrow at eight, or he's going to message you if he has to call you later. So there is again, that accountability. And of course, if you attract emotionally unavailable men to your life there is that avoidance of accountability. You will be able to identify this quickly because nobody can be so busy that they don't even have time to send you quick text messages to say that they can't talk that night and make suggestions for when you can talk or meet again.
4. Willing To Talk About Tough Subjects
Green flag number four is he is willing to talk about tough subjects. Now what I hear often from women when they come to me is that their man is stonewalling or that their man is shutting down when it comes to talking about deeper topics, having tough conversations; they're avoiding conflict. Now, to the contrary, a green flag is if a man is open to having those types of conversations with you, he wants to get into the deeper topics.
So for example, when my husband and I met, I told him one night that a part of me wanted to manipulate him. Is that a tough conversation? You bet. He could have thought, “oh, now I have to watch out. She wants to manipulate me, I can't trust her, I can't tell her anything.” But quite to the contrary, he was like “oh, tell me more about that.” Leaning very much into having this tough conversation and then he felt like he could have a tough conversation with me and let me know that he is sometimes a runner; that wants to run away from things and this is because he had a controlling mother.
So this is important to know, you don't know what upbringing your partner had, for example. So there must be a lean in, a willingness, a tell me more, a curiosity. There is something there, an opening towards having those tough conversations. Even if it's not outright excitement about having a tough conversation, it’s that even if he’s hesitant he’s open to hearing more and having that discussion. That’s a big green flag.
3. Own When They Screw Up
Green flag number three is that he owns when he screws up. I know so many of the women following my blog have narcissistic parents and narcissistic partners and things of that nature. So you'd have to wait a minute. No, he doesn’t always need to look good, he will own it when he screws up. He’ll say “you know what, I made a mistake,” when he forgot to put the dishes in the dishwasher instead of making excuses about it. He takes 100% of the responsibility, accountability, and owns all of it. Instead of making excuses, or even worse going into victimhood.
A victim doesn't own anything, It's just “oh, I don't account for anything. I will never amount to anything. I'm just a failure.” That's what you sometimes with the narcissist as well. There’s a collapsing into the role of victim. So you want to look for ownership when this screw-up happens because a screw-up will happen. He will forget something or he will communicate things in a way that is maybe not the most polite or considerate or something. Even the most perfect person is going to screw up and you need to watch and make sure he owns that.
2. Respect Your Boundaries
Green flag number two is he respects your boundaries. This is so important because you see a lot of men testing the boundaries, and while that doesn't always mean that he doesn't respect the boundaries, he's just testing where they are, but then he respects them. So if you say no, that means no. So he gives you space, he considers you. If you say, “no, I can't do this today,” he doesn’t ask why, what’s wrong with you. There's no manipulation, instead, there's understanding, compassion. There’s immediate action, like giving you your space.
He respects your boundaries because also he expects you to respect his boundaries. Remember when he's in his king, and he treats you like a queen, you need to be treating him like a king as well. So that's important, he’s able to know where he ends, and where the other person begins, which is very healthy and an indication of interdependence which is what you're looking for.
1. Is A Team-Mate
And lastly, green flag number one is he's a teammate. Being a teammate means he supports you in your growth. Like we’ve talked about if you want to take on a new hobby or maybe you don't even believe that much in yourself but you want to work on that; he builds you up. He's your biggest cheerleader, he invites you, he challenges you to step outside of the comfort zone, lovingly and compassionately. This is important. As your teammate, you guys do life together, you have a plan together. There’s a togetherness and a we-ness to their language. Not you and I-ness, but a we-ness. We're conquering this together, if you have a challenge – you're not fighting against each other, you're fighting together against the odds.
So when things get tough or you are tested, it’s “hey, okay, are we going to take this as an opportunity to bond more” not we going to make this an opportunity to fight each other, confront each other, attack each other, project onto each other. What he chooses is important here.
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