Antia: Hi, there. I’m so excited to bring to you another one of my juicy success stories today with my amazing client Megan. Hi, Megan!
Megan: Hi, Antia!
Antia: I’m so excited to have you here today, Megan, because you really moved from being an anxious avoidant attachment style to really attracting an incredible man into your life who you have consistent communication with, who reaches out and you can actually have wonderful conversations. So I’d love to go into that a little deeper today so that women understand more of your journey. But before that, I’d love to hear from you. Let’s talk about, where did everything start? What were your blocks and your challenges in dating before you came to me?
Megan: Yeah, I think before I came to you, one of my biggest blocks was being vulnerable and open with men and also taking a look inside myself. I noticed that there were things that I was attracting again and again. I was noticing these negative dating patterns and the only men I was attracted to were unavailable, didn’t want a relationship and my friends and family would say, “It’s not you, it’s them. You just haven’t met the right guy yet.” And that never resonated with me fully so I always kinda had this feeling inside, “Ah, there’s something I’m holding back with men.” And once I started learning, I actually started reading Renee Brown before I came across Antia’s work and blog and everything on YouTube. And that was all about vulnerability and embracing imperfection and that was all pretty new and revolutionary to me because I knew that that was something I was terrified of, was having that courage to show my anxious side, show my bitchy side, all of those things that I never wanted to let a man see. So that was really the biggest challenge for me because I’d meet these men or I’d have a nice relationship, but it just wasn’t getting deeper or it wasn’t going anywhere at all. And I was tired of thinking that it was them I’m no, no, there’s something with me. I’m the common denominator, what am I doing? So I think that’s really where I was at before I met you.
Antia: And then, Megan, how’d that make you feel struggling with that? Hearing always oh, it’s not you it’s them. Like how did that make you feel?
Megan: Super, super frustrated with myself, with men, with dating in general. I had this huge fear that I was going to be alone forever, love and connection wasn’t for me. Like when I was in college, I actually even thought that I had some curse on me where every time I’d talk to a guy, we would hit it off for two weeks and then he’d disappear or something and I even had a name for this pattern inside me. I was it’s a two week curse. And I just felt so frustrated and I was so sick of it and I didn’t believe people even when they were saying, oh, you just haven’t met the right guy yet.
Antia: Yeah, totally. I had that too that feeling that there’s some curse and something almost that you don’t have control over. And what is your romantic life of course like now? Tell us a little bit about your man and the results that you’ve got.
Megan: Yeah, so I met a man back in the beginning of June. So when I was reaching the end of my program and he has been so amazing, he has seen my vulnerable side, I’ve been able to open up and reach new emotional levels and tell him things about myself and my past that I did not previously feel comfortable for and the fact that he still supports me and wants to see all those parts of me. Like this anxiety that I experience and we’re able to talk about it with each other since he’s had that too. And just being able to feel really super seen and heard by a man is how I feel with him. And even when we’ve gotten into disagreements, because I feel he really listens to me and hears me and sees me for me because he did see all my parts that I wasn’t trying to hide. Like I had before when I was not being vulnerable I feel safe to disagree with him. Like I feel safe to speak up and say something if he says something that bothers me or that I feel I don’t expect men to read my mind anymore and we’ve laughed about it too.
I’m so glad. He even called me out in the beginning for us, saying you have all these unwritten rules and expectations and that really struck a chord with me and actually made me super attracted to him that he cared enough and saw that enough in me to say something and it was true. And I’m thank you. Like I appreciate that. Like I don’t want to have that, I want to be able to openly communicate. And it’s really amazing to know that there’s masculine men out there who are also very in touch with their emotions and understand and embrace women’s emotions cause I think that was what was holding me back to before I was thinking oh, men don’t want to hear about my anxiety or they want me to be happy and great all the time. They don’t want me to disagree with them. So that’s been a huge shift and having that man who makes me feel safe and I never question whether or not he’s interested, even if I’m struggling with my own anxiety, he’s still consistently pursuing me and it feels great.
Antia: I love the genuineness of your relationship. It feels very natural and it feels really easy. And it feels genuine, which is such a good word because you have this authentic connection with each other where he gets to share when he feels really vulnerable and what’s the biggest thing for you is that you get to actually share that, which you hadn’t done before. You actually get to share what’s vulnerable for you where you before, you said before. You did want to really share it and what I mean? Not talk about it and just try to, be self sufficient. Like we all do. And how do you feel now? Like tell us a little bit more about how amazing it feels to have this amazing man in your life. How does it make you feel about yourself?
Megan: I feel so valued. I feel so seen, I feel yes, there’s a man that I’m attracted to on all levels physically, emotionally, intellectually that he gets me, we can talk for hours and it’s fun. Like we can have fun and laugh together. Like I feel so happy and I tell him that a lot too. I enjoyed every minute of conversation with you and he’s I knew you were special within a few hours of us talking, he’s there was something that just really drew me to you. And I was dang, it took me a little while to realize it, but I’m so glad I didn’t give up on him, cause I was trying to be oh, I don’t know if this is going to work in the beginning cause we don’t live in the same city. And I was oh, it’s really great connecting with you, but I don’t know. And he was oh, well. Tell me more about that because I really feel we have a good connection and I’m so glad that he did because if I had stuck to that rigid pattern of thinking, oh, well, he needs to live in my city or, we’re never going to be able to make it work. Like I would not have trusted to follow this connection that’s actually making me so happy and feel so fulfilled and I just love that we can talk about anything and that’s what I’ve always wanted with a man is to not ever have that little voice in my mind should I say that? Oh, I don’t know. What is he going to think? Like I don’t feel that with him because he does, I just feel very seen with him. I feel very understood and supported, which is awesome. Yeah.
Antia: I love it! And what would you say were some of the things that you felt helped you get to results that you got from the work that we did together?
Megan: I think that was super pivotal for me. I was already in a place where I was so frustrated and I needed those resources. Like if we hadn’t talked about attachment styles in the program and listening to the other women on the group calls every week, I made sure to get on every group call every week or listen to it when I couldn’t go and take a ton of notes and asking Antia questions and having her, follow my story and push me to have those honest conversations with another man that I was dating, during the program who I wasn’t as interested in, we talked about that and, Antia really told me, this is a good healing opportunity for you, whether or not this is the man for you to have an honest conversation. And that was another pivotal point for me because even though I wasn’t interested in that other man that I was seeing, I wound up being really honest with him and breaking it off and telling him, no, I really enjoyed spending time with you and, I was honest and said, I just didn’t think that I saw us having feelings and I even told them and I wish I had done this sooner too. That sometimes it could get negative between us and I’ve never shared those kinds of thoughts with a man, usually I would kinda just be oh, whatever, we’ll just let it fizzle out. He’ll forget about me things, but I respected him and he respected me enough too, we had that open conversation, that was very healing.
And then when Jeff showed up, the guy who I’m seeing now, I felt that much safer to be honest again, because of the work we had done. And I feel being in the program, it actually holds you accountable. So you are talking to other women, you have a coach who holds you accountable and is going to ask for an update the next week, you want to share the update. I think that’s a great thing too, about being in a program is sharing all the ups and downs with a supportive community and then really learning all of the actual resources for what you’re feeling and knowing that you’re not alone because I’m a person who is all my friends are in long term relationships. It’s hard to talk about these topics with them cause they haven’t really been dating in a while. And so to be in a community of women who are looking at growth and looking at dating and trying it out and healing themselves is super, super exciting and really helped me actually implement the changes. Cause if I didn’t have the group, I might’ve just oh, yeah. That’s an interesting article I watched, now I’m going to go do my thing, but instead I’m no, I’m being held accountable because I’m going to be on this group call and I want to be able to share some of my growth.
Antia: Yeah. It’s listening through other women’s lives. Where we vicariously live for other people and then we don’t have to have the same experience over and over again for sure, it’s really learning about your attachment style. Like you know what I mean? It’s not the anxious or the avoidant, it’s both and how to bring them together, those were big things for you. And what are any concerns before you signed up with me and any questions you had in your head either, or you may have told me about it too?
Megan: I think in the beginning I was concerned it wasn’t going to work for me. Like I still was hanging on to that fear of oh, maybe a long term connection isn’t for you. Like that fear and anxiety and then spending money on a program it’s I’d never invested in myself, I’m Oh, is it going to be worth the money? I don’t know. Like it was that. But then I also did still have the sense of trust that it’s no, because I invested this money in myself I am going to do the work and make it worth it, so it definitely was that was my mindset as well and those concerns didn’t really last very long because the more I got into it, I got really excited about our weekly group calls. And it felt a fun self-improvement course, which is it in a way, but meanwhile, you’re connecting with these other women who have similar experiences to you and you learn a ton from them. So I think any concerns I had in the beginning, I still went through tough times where even after listening to a group call or something, I’m oh, I feel so overwhelmed. Have I made any progress at all? But being in the program you learn yeah, sometimes you do have those days. And sometimes it feels it’s harder to deal with your emotions, but that’s all just part of the process.Speaking of that process. Yeah. Any concerns I had about committing to something went away because I’m no, no, no, it is about the process, sticking to the process. And I’m still sticking with it. I’m not done learning yet at all.
Antia: Absolutely. And lastly, what other final words of advice would you give to someone who is on the fence. about coaching with me to get her man into her life?
Megan: I would say that you are investing something in yourself, which is a huge act of self love that you can do and it can only bring you good things and more confidence. And when you do have that mindset, if you feel I’m frustrated and I’m ready to change, this is a great step to take because you’re actively doing something, you’re not waiting for something to heal any anxieties that you have. It’s no, you’re going to learn about the resources, you’re going to alleviate those fears that you have and that is super priceless, which is one of my goals when I started, I just want to have more inner peace. Like I know that I’m going to deal with anxiety, but now I have a lot more resources. So that’s what I would say is you’re making an investment in yourself and that’s huge. Like no matter whether or not you find your man in six months or six years, I feel I actually became more comfortable with that too yeah, I have a great connection with a man right now, but I feel more comfortable and it’s okay, well, the way I approach relationships has changed now. So whatever happens with him, I’m not going to approach it in that way that I was before. So it’s so worth it just for that cause really it is about you. It’s about you more than anything and investing in yourself.
Antia: I love it. Well, Megan, you have gone through a tremendous amount of transformation, you applied the tools, it’s all about the integration baby. And you received the transformation, I always say. So thank you so much for being here today and for, giving the women out there some hope that it’s really possible. No matter if you think it’s a curse or you have something you believe or I’m anxious and avoidant, I’m too complicated, too much, I’m already lost or whatever beliefs women have. So thank you so much for being here today, Megan, and being really the shining beacon of light and inspiration.
Megan: Thank you, Antia. It’s been super life-changing, super transformational for me. So I’m so appreciative and I’m still happy to be a part of the group.
Antia: Awesome, yeah. We’re so excited to continue to have you, so much love to you, Megan. And for the ladies, I will talk to you next time. Take care. Bye-bye!
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