Discover why he ghosted you and came back! If a guy ghosted and came back and you’re wondering why do men leave and come back, then this will help. Oftentimes women wonder why do men pull away and then come back, and the reasons are often complex. However, once you understand why do men come back and even why men come back MONTHS later, then you can more easily relate to and understand how men think, feel and operate. Enjoy! 😊
If you’re reading this article, my guess is that either someone has recently ghosted you and you’re wondering if they’ll come back or you’ve had someone come back after ghosting you and you’re curious if they have the right motives. Either way, your question will be answered.
Here’s a little bit about ghosting. So, what you have to understand is that ghosting is not necessarily intentional. Nobody wakes up thinking “I’m going to ghost someone today.” If they do, you may be dealing with a pathological case – a psychopath or a sociopath or a sociopathic narcissist, but this isn’t something that normal men think or do.
What happens instead, especially if they have a dismissive-avoidant attachment style, is that they start to disconnect. This can happen for many different reasons. For one, there could be confusion. Remember, the confused mind says, no. So if you were texting with him for example, and maybe you said something that made him question something like, “I think she’s feminine but now she said something masculine and now I don’t know where I stand” or “she laughed even though it wasn’t funny”. This may cause him to start to doubt himself.
For example, if you shared something sad but you laughed about it because that’s your coping mechanism he may be confused by your response and question whether he should laugh too. This can make him feel very confused and uncomfortable inside of himself and then he disconnects, but he doesn’t say, “I’m not going to meet this person again,” he just doesn’t think about it anymore. The brain starts to forget to call you and the brain stops and deletes, distorts, and generalizes reality. He’ll say to himself, “oh, I’ll call her later” with every intention to but then that ends up being a slippery slope because it leads to him forgetting about you. So that’s one incident where men can ghost you.
It’s important to understand why he may ghost you before diving into the reasons why he would come back – I’m laying the foundation first. The second reason why he would ghost you but we’re also going to be talking about this is why he comes back, it‘s actually because his nervous system didn’t feel safe. Just to summarize it for you because I can’t go into really deep psychological principles here but essentially, when we look at the developmental stages of a child, we look at five developmental stages and then in those five development stages, there are definite wound patterns that can occur if the need has not been met or is met inappropriately by the primary caregiver.
For example, if this man doesn’t feel safe to be in his body, that would be the first indication that there’s a wound that happened in the first developmental stage. This means anywhere between minus six months in the womb to about, I think it’s a year or so. Then what you look at here is okay, this is someone who doesn’t feel close. So if you’re someone that’s very fiery and you’re coming in hot and with a lot of passion – you’re a very direct person; But maybe he’s more of an internal person, he keeps more to himself. So, even though he may be fun and loving and all of that he actually may have a very sensitive nervous system, and he’ll respond to that by pulling back. And there’s nothing wrong with you at all. You didn’t know how to pace that energy so that he feels safe in his nervous system. This could be the same for you, and whatever your wounds are. That could be another reason why he ghosts you but then eventually comes back.
At some point, he leaves his body and he comes back into his body, and his reality and is like, “Suzy, oh I haven’t reached out to Suzy in a while.” He was able to associate with reality again after disassociating for a while and he comes back after ghosting you. When this happens, he’ll often even act like nothing happened because it’s literally, at that moment that they disassociate, they’re just gone. What do I mean? It’s almost like they forget what happened before, if that makes sense.
The point is that there are several developmental stages that somebody can get stuck in, and you will have your own too. That’s why he could leave but then come back around once he feels “safe enough.” This has a lot to do with the nervous systems and has a lot to do with how he receives if the receptor is available for love or tension or for the questions that you have for him. Can he accurately metabolize them? Because if he can’t, then he’s not going to feel safe. He will not know what to do with it and will feel uncomfortable at the minimum, and out of control, potentially helpless at the extreme, depending on what parts are being triggered. So I hope that makes a little bit more sense – He comes back because it’s not about you, it’s about him.
Sometimes it’s true when men say, it’s not about you, it’s about me. All you can do, and what often happens when you come in hot, is realize that that usually also means that you’re not quite associated either, you’re not really in your body. Most women that come to me, they’re not embodied, not present – they’re very much in their head, they’re in analysis paralysis, and overthinking. Where do you feel this in your body? You likely know how to think about it but not how to feel about it. So you’re not attuned to yourself because you’re not even connected fully to yourself. So, of course, you also missed that attunement to what the other person may feel. Like maybe you should have felt that there’s a high level of sensitivity there and you want to give them a little space for them to stay connected and present with you. The same is true with the man.
What can you do to become more attuned to yourself, you ask? Well, the most important thing is really to feel your body. Am I breathing? Do I feel my bum on the chair? Do I feel my feet on the ground? But the biggest thing is actually, am I breathing? And I know this is so simple, but if you do it at the moment, you’ll become more present and more connected.
Leave a comment below if you have any questions on that. Of course, if that’s of interest to you, then I invite you to take my free Magnetize Your Man quiz to attract the right man for you to share your life with and be happier without loneliness, trust issues or wasting time attracting EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MEN by clicking the button below!