Trying to figure out how to let him go and move on? In this guide, we will share 5 signs it's time for you to let go of a relationship.
1. Arguing Too Much
When this happens, our relationship is just way too emotion-filled. There’s so much friction and that causes a lot of reaction – a lot of arguments. When that happens, it's time to walk. However, that’s not necessarily true for everyone because when you're reacting to each other, you really help each other to grow. Also, you really care about each other. If I don't care about someone, I don't react to them – I don't really care what this person has to say. So that leads me to this conversation of apathy.
If you got to the point where you have what the Gottman Institute talks about as; the four horsemen. You actually start to have resentment towards your man and start to stonewall, there’s a bit of apathy there, you’re checked out. Well, that's a sure sign that your relationship is over because both of you or at least one of you has decided to close their heart.
Now, when that occurs there is no more motivation. Right, there's also no more ability to build any connection because the other person can feel the coldness and the disconnect. I mean, just think about a time when you got stonewalled, it's so manipulative.
So when it happens all the time, what starts to occur is we look for a way to protect ourselves. You want to protect yourself because you don't want to have your heart open every single time when the other person stonewalls you, although I do have an article on what to do when your partner stonewalls you. You actually find yourself starting to stonewall as well to protect yourself. You no longer have a healthy mirror in your partner to show what it means to have this open and connected and loving relationship.
So that's something that you want to be aware of. Let me know below if this has happened to you. That apathy just took over and you just didn't care anymore. I’d love to hear your story.
2. No More Trust
This is a big topic because this can be caused by many different things. For example, it can certainly be caused by dishonesty, cheating, lying, whatever it is this person is simply not being honest with you. They’re withholding and telling you half-truths like, “I told you the truth.” Sure, but you just happened to forget to mention that little detail that there were also women coming with you guys when you go on your guys' nights out or whatever the case may be. So that's one way how trust can be eroded.
Another way trust can be eroded is through incongruence. So hot and cold, in and out. You may know, someone in one of those relationships, or you may have even been in one of these relationships yourself – they’re on and off, on and off. It's so toxic because it's this push and pull and that can't allow you to create a deeply intimate relationship. What occurs is that they feel they're losing their identity when they come closer in the relationship.
So then they may have looked in the past, well, how did my parents handle this? Oh, they argued all the time. Okay, cool. Then let's argue too or better even, let's break up for a couple of days. Then there's all this drama but after a while, it erodes trust. How can I trust you if you're constantly on your way out?
Now another way trust erosion can occur is if your little girl is inside of you loses hope. That young energy inside of you that's really loving and that believes in the good in people; when that hope gets eroded over and over, you lose trust. Maybe you keep getting manipulated or the man always makes sure that he puts himself first and you last, that erodes trust. So there are many reasons why that would lead to trust erosion and ultimately, you leaving the relationship.
Now, if you want to learn more like, Where do I start? How do I know it's time? What's the situation for me, what would you recommend? Join our free Magnetize Your Man, dating and relationship support group at mymfbgroup.com and join nearly 6,000 women who are in the same boat as you to discuss this further.
Now we can talk about emotional abuse. That's, of course, things like manipulation, playing with your emotions. But also when the man knows that you have more invested in the relationship, that you care more or he likes to just be superior, or maybe he's a narcissist and we did a whole article on narcissism as well on this blog so you can check it out. If you’re facing this in your relationship, it's time to walk.
Of course, psychologically abusing you too; putting you down, breaking down your self-confidence constantly belittling you, constant condescending comments, girlfriend, that's abuse. Hopefully, I don't have to say this either, but of course, physical abuse – you need to walk. You may think, “but he loves me and maybe I deserved it” or “it’s not his fault, he was abused too,” no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. NO. You never, ever deserve abuse, okay, this is just such a red line. This is such a taboo to talk about but when somebody puts hands on you, it's game over, you walk.
This is really something for you to understand because those guys don't change. Research actually shows that when a man oversteps that threshold and hits the woman, right, the chances that he's going to do it again, it's really big because he overstepped the boundaries once already.
In many situations, this can be because it was modelled to him when he was a child, or he does not have enough ability to regulate himself. He doesn't have enough emotional intelligence to regulate himself. It's not just going to shift. It would maybe shift if you leave him and you take a stand and he's taking anger classes, aggression classes, finding ways to get his anger out but when he targets you with his anger, his aggression, when it goes into an attack, it's no longer safe for you to stay in the relationship.
Now, what should happen instead? I will give an example because this is what occurred when I dated my husband Brody. Right, I actually called myself out. Right, I actually said, “there is this part inside of me that wants to manipulate you right now. That wanted to emotionally abuse you. So I can feel superior and I get to be right and I get to be in control.” And we were laughing because at that moment we knew this was never going to happen because we are actually opening up to each other. We communicate with each other.
So I'd love to hear in the comment section below if that has happened to you, if you've experienced abuse in any of those three categories and how you got yourself out of it if you got yourself out of it.
4. No Communication
Communication, that's our theme. Both parties put forth an effort to communicate, right? And there were maybe some assumptions and you have to learn to not make or you have to say things like, “when you say commitment, what does that mean to you?” Or, my husband and I, we run this company together and we live together and we love together and all the things. So you can imagine the complexity of communication.
So that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about if there's almost a denial, a refusal of communication. This could either be in a punishing way, which goes in a manipulative direction or it could also be that you're always the one that says ” I'd love to sit down and talk about how you feel about this or what you want to do about this. Or, to explore more who you are”. And the guy's like, “there's nothing really to talk about. I don't really have anything to say.” That's the issue I'm talking about because then things become really one-sided and, girlfriend, there is really no point.
Like if, if you are talking to the wall and you feel it goes in one ear, out the other. It's not going to be helpful for you. It's going to get you so frustrated. If anything, it actually reactivates old wounds you have from your own childhood, with your parents who treated you like you're not being listened to, you're supposed to be seen, but not heard depending on what culture you come from and so on.
So why would you stay in a relationship where this pattern just deepens because there’s no collaboration with your partner? So that would be time to get out of there. If you want to learn more about how to, not even do that, not even end this relationship, but discover a powerful, psychological trigger to make any man beg and plead to be with you, make you number one, make you a priority hop on over to TriggerHisDesire.com.
5. Extremely Needy and/or Anxious
Now you hear me say a lot about the anxious attachment style, the fearful-avoidant, the anxious ambivalent. We're talking a lot about this on this blog. So I'm not talking about if you're anxious, that your partner should leave you. No, this is when this person is not learning. They're constantly putting demands on you. For example, I had a girlfriend who was dating this guy, and she spent two hours talking with him and was done. She was totally fried but he wanted to spend the whole day talking with her.
So those people that never want to separate and want to have you around 24/7. You already spent a whole weekend with them and you have almost no space to be yourself, to be your independent self, to meet some girlfriends, to pursue some hobbies, to go to work without getting some contact from this person. It’s gotten to the point that it doesn’t feel nice anymore or sweet. No, this feels really demanding, it feels like you can't breathe. That’s when you need to walk. Clearly, he has an anxious attachment style and he has to learn to regulate that himself and learn that you can't put that on another person because they feel suffocated.
Unfortunately, that often perpetuates his pattern as a child because he probably didn't feel wanted, which is why he became anxious in the first place. But you can not be the savior and helper for this person. This person has to get themselves into therapy. They have to work with a dating coach, they have to understand attachment styles and there has to be this willingness to truly learn how to resource yourself. So girlfriend, don't blame yourself. Like, don't get so drained that you can never imagine having a relationship ever again. So I'd love to hear from you in the comment section, which of those five signs have you experienced and have you taken action on?
Bonus: One-sided Investment
For those of you who stayed until the very end here is my bonus sign, which is a one-sided investment. Now you may notice that you are always the one who reaches out, makes the plans, it's all you. It's basically like you're in a relationship with yourself more or less because there is nothing coming back. So again, this is about self-respect and self-confidence. This is about saying, “whoa, okay, hold on a second. I'm not being treated like a queen here. I'm not treated the way I truly deserve to be treated, so, sayonara, I'm out.”
What should really happen is that you find an incredible man who sweeps you off your feet, who pursues you, who licks all of his 10 fingers after you and he respects you and puts you first. He honors you and you honor him as well. So there's this really beautiful interrelationship that you have with each other and you feel he cares.
You may end up in this situation because that's what you experienced in your childhood. Your parents weren't interested in you, maybe they were working long hours, were emotionally unavailable, maybe even abusive, whatever the case may be. But don't repeat this pattern. reach out, let's have a conversation, let's put this to an end to that cycle for you.
How To Let Him Go And Move On Conclusion
That’s it for today ladies! Up next is when a man deeply loves you, he'll start saying these five things. So this is the right way to look for a sign that the man is really interested in you.