#1 – Cultivating Mystery and Unpredictability
This involves keeping some aspects of yourself a bit mysterious, and behaving in ways that are unpredictable, which creates intrigue and an irresistible aura. It means not always being available, and not revealing every detail about your life.
Mystery and unpredictability can be incredibly seductive. It engages the other person's imagination, keeps you on their mind, and encourages them to pursue you. They never quite feel they have completely grasped you, which increases your allure and makes them miss your presence.
Be less predictable in your interactions. Don’t always be immediately available when he contacts you, and vary your responses and engagement level. Occasionally, share a surprising or unexpected side of yourself.
– Occasionally turn down an invitation without providing a detailed reason, simply saying you have other plans.
– Surprise him with an unexpected gift or date idea that shows a different side of you he hasn't seen before.
Historically, Cleopatra is known to have used mystery and unpredictability to captivate Julius Caesar and Mark Antony. Despite not being traditionally beautiful, her wit, charm, and air of mystery made her irresistible.
Psychological studies, such as those by psychologist Robert Zajonc, have found that people develop stronger feelings for those whose actions and behaviors are unpredictable, as opposed to predictable.
The elusive persona of street artist Banksy, who has kept his identity a secret while his art is internationally recognized, also shows the psychological power that mystery and allure has on us.
Ask Yourself:
– How much of my life am I revealing to my partner?
– Are there aspects of myself or my life that I can keep as a surprise for later?
– Am I becoming too routine in my interactions with my partner?
1. Make a conscious effort not to always be immediately available. For example, if you usually respond to messages instantly, wait a bit before replying sometimes.
2. Plan a surprise date or gift that is outside the norm of your regular activities and won’t be expected by your partner.
And Keep some aspects of your life and thoughts to yourself, revealing them slowly over time, encouraging your partner to keep guessing and engaging deeply with you.
By applying this technique you encourage your partner to keep thinking about you, sparking their curiosity and causing them to miss you when you're not around.
#2 – Radiate Self-Contentment
This involves cultivating a deep sense of self-love and happiness within yourself, independent of your partner. The key here is to find happiness within oneself, rather than relying on external factors, including a romantic partner. When you radiate self-contentment, you are not clingy or desperate, and your partner is likely to miss your comforting, uplifting presence.
Being in a state of self-contentment makes you immensely attractive. It signals to your partner that you are a source of positive energy and that your happiness is not solely dependent on them. This can create a magnetic allure, as people are generally drawn to those who exude positivity and self-love.
Engage in activities that make you genuinely happy and fulfilled, independent of your partner. Show that you can enjoy your life and are complete in yourself. Your joy and confidence will naturally make your partner drawn to you and miss you when you’re not around.
The renowned psychotherapist and Priest Anthony De Mello once said: “Happiness is our natural state. Happiness is the natural state of little children, to whom the kingdom belongs until they have been polluted and contaminated by the stupidity of society and culture.”
This suggests that happiness is inherent in us and is distorted by external factors as we grow. Being in a state of self-contentment and happiness is about returning to that innate, unperturbed state, and when we embody that, we become highly attractive to others.
– Take a solo trip to engage with nature and rediscover your love for adventure.
– Regularly set time aside for hobbies that you are passionate about, like painting, reading, or playing a musical instrument.
A study by the University of Missouri-Columbia suggests that people who engage in creative activities feel increases in well-being the next day, and this increased well-being is likely to facilitate more creative activity. This cycle indicates that engaging in self-fulfilling activities can boost happiness and self-contentment.
Historically, figures like Eleanor Roosevelt, with her work, confidence, and wisdom, appeared to have lived her life with an aura of self-contentment. Despite her husband’s prominent position, she carved out her own identity and path, something that her husband, Franklin D. Roosevelt, admitted to admiring greatly.
Ask yourself:
– What activities make you feel genuinely happy and fulfilled, regardless of your partner's involvement?
– How can you cultivate self-love daily?
– Do you typically seek happiness from external sources or do you find it within yourself?
1. Identify and engage in at least one activity that you love and that makes you feel happy and fulfilled, without your partner’s involvement. Do this regularly.
2. Practice daily self-care, whether that is through meditation, exercise, journaling, or another form of self-love.
3. Communicate to your partner the importance of personal space and individual happiness, and encourage them to also engage in activities that bring them joy.
By consistently radiating self-contentment, your partner will likely start to miss the positivity, confidence, and joy you bring into their life when you are not around.
#3 – Create Novel Experiences Together
Novel experiences can activate the brain's reward system, releasing dopamine and other feel-good chemicals that are also associated with the early stages of romantic love. By creating new and exciting experiences together, you can trigger these feelings and become associated with this pleasurable reward in your partner's mind.
Creating novel experiences can reignite the passion and excitement that characterizes the early stages of a relationship. These experiences can deepen your bond and make your partner associate you with positive, stimulating feelings, which can make them miss you badly when you’re apart.
Plan and engage in new and exciting activities with your partner – activities that neither of you has tried before, or that are different from your routine.
Renowned Anthropologist Helen Fisher wrote that “Novelty drives up the dopamine system in the brain and can stimulate feelings of romantic love.
This quote emphasizes findings about how novel experiences can activate the brain's dopamine system, which is associated with pleasure, reward, and the feelings of euphoria that we often associate with new love.
– Go on a spontaneous weekend trip to a place neither of you has visited.
– Take a dance or cooking class together.
– Set a day where you both try a new hobby that interests you both, like painting, hiking, or learning a new instrument.
In a study conducted by Arthur Aron and his colleagues, published in the “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,” couples who engaged in novel and arousing activities reported higher levels of relationship satisfaction compared to those who stuck with familiar activities.
Consider a couple who decides to take a year off to travel the world together, documenting their journey through a shared blog or social media account, creating an archive of their shared adventures and a new level of connection.
Ask Yourself:
– What are some activities or experiences that your partner and you have never tried but would likely enjoy?
– How often do you break from routine and try something new?
– What can you plan that will surprise and excite your partner?
1. Plan a surprise date involving an activity neither of you has ever tried before. Make sure it’s something you both are likely to enjoy.
2. Discuss and set a goal with your partner to try a new activity together at least once a month.
3. After each new experience, take time to reflect together on what you enjoyed about it, and make plans for your next adventure.
By creating and engaging in novel experiences together, you not only ignite the passionate, dopamine-fueled aspects of your relationship but also deepen your bond and create memories that your partner will cherish and miss when you're apart. This isn't about manipulation; it’s about actively fostering and nurturing a deeper romantic connection in your relationship.
#4 – Practicing Vulnerability
This involves openly expressing your feelings, thoughts, and emotions to your partner without fear of judgement. Research emphasizes the power of vulnerability as the core of meaningful human experiences.
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your partner fosters deeper emotional connections, intimacy, and trust. When you are open and genuine with your partner, it creates a space of emotional safety and closeness, which in turn can make your partner miss your presence intensely when you're apart because they feel a profound emotional connection with you.
Share your feelings, fears, dreams, and insecurities with your partner in an honest and non-defensive way. Allow your partner to see your authentic self, including your imperfections.
Brene Brown said that “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.
This quote emphasizes the bravery that is inherent in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. It's about taking the emotional risk of letting our true selves be seen, without knowing how it will be received, which is at the core of deep and meaningful relationships.
– Share a personal story from your past that you rarely talk about.
– Express your feelings about something important that you've been hesitant to talk about.
– Admit when you feel scared or unsure, rather than trying to appear strong or unaffected.
Vulnerability is the basis for true connection. Other studies, such as those in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, have shown that vulnerability (expressing open, authentic feelings) is consistently associated with stronger interpersonal relationships.
The enduring love letters between poets Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Browning, where they laid bare their deepest feelings, insecurities, and love for each other, providing a timeless example of vulnerability deepening romantic connection.
Ask yourself:
– What am I afraid to share with my partner, and why?
– How can I create a safe space for my partner to be vulnerable with me?
– What steps can I take to become more comfortable with my own vulnerability?
1. Choose a calm and comfortable setting where you and your partner can talk without distractions.
2. Share something personal and true about yourself that you haven’t shared with your partner before. It could be a childhood memory, a fear about the future, or an appreciation you hold for your partner.
3. Encourage your partner to share as well, and listen actively and empathetically, without rushing to judgement or solutions.
4. Make this practice a regular part of your relationship – perhaps a weekly or monthly ‘check-in’.
By practicing vulnerability, you’re deepening the emotional bond between you and your partner. This emotional closeness and authenticity can make you irreplaceable in your partner’s eyes. When you are apart, they will likely miss the depth of connection and emotional safety they experience with you, encouraging them to value and prioritize your relationship.
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