#1 – He’ll Start Saying “I'm Here for You”
“I'm here for you” is a simple yet powerful statement that shows his emotional presence and support. When a man says this to you, he’s communicating that he’s committed to being a part of your life in a meaningful way. He wants to support you emotionally, listen to your concerns, and stand by your side through thick and thin. It's his way of saying, “Your problems are my problems, and we'll tackle them together.”
This phrase goes beyond mere words. It’s a promise of loyalty, support, and love. In a world where people can be self-focused, having someone who genuinely tells you “I’m here for you” is like finding a rare gem. It means that he prioritizes your happiness and well-being, which is fundamental in a deep, loving relationship.
When your man says, “I'm here for you,” don't just hear it—feel it. Let it sink in. In response, be open with your feelings and thoughts. This is an invitation to lean on him when you need support. It’s okay to show vulnerability and share your troubles or fears with him.
David Viscott said “To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.” This quote captures the essence of mutual love. When a man tells you “I'm here for you,” it’s like feeling the warmth of the sun on your face. He is offering his love and presence as a constant source of warmth and light in your life, just as you are in his.
Imagine you're sailing in a boat, and suddenly a storm hits. “I'm here for you” is like him being your steadfast anchor, holding the boat steady amidst the turbulent waves. He isn't promising that storms will never come, but he is promising that he will be your stability and strength during those storms, helping to keep the boat—that is, your life and emotional world—from capsizing.
In early human societies, survival often depended on cooperation and tight-knit relationships. When a man tells a woman “I'm here for you,” it can be seen as a signal of his willingness to cooperate and provide resources, indicating that he is a reliable partner. This assurance of support would have been vital for the wellbeing of the couple and their offspring.
Throughout history, there have been countless stories of couples whose loyalty to each other was their strength. Take the story of John and Abigail Adams, one of America’s early power couples. Their extensive letter correspondence during their periods of separation (due to John's political duties) often included reassurances of their mutual support. John's constant reassurance of his emotional presence, even when physically away, demonstrated his deep love and respect for Abigail.
Psychologically, saying “I'm here for you” triggers a sense of security and attachment. According to Attachment Theory, developed by John Bowlby and later Mary Ainsworth, a secure attachment is formed when individuals know they can count on their partners to be there for them when needed. This phrase can affirm the security of the attachment bond between partners, promoting emotional health and resilience in the relationship.
A study published in the journal “Personal Relationships” found that individuals with partners who are responsive to their needs (which can be signaled through phrases like “I'm here for you”) are more likely to perceive their partners as valuable mates, leading to a stronger, more satisfying relationship. This response, which aligns with principles of Emotional Availability, is critical to relationship satisfaction and longevity.
The bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
One could argue that saying “I’m here for you” doesn’t always mean that a person genuinely loves you deeply. It could be used manipulatively, as a way to create a sense of dependency or to control a partner. Words need to be consistent with actions, and it's essential to evaluate the entire context of the relationship, not just the verbal reassurances.
On the flip side, love can be deeply felt and true even if a person rarely or never explicitly says, “I’m here for you.” Some people express their love and commitment through actions rather than words. For instance, they might show their love by consistently taking care of things that are important to you, spending quality time with you, or making sacrifices for your wellbeing without explicitly stating their support. Love is a multifaceted emotion and can be expressed in numerous ways, not solely through verbal affirmation.
#2 – He’ll Start Saying “Let’s Talk About It”
When a man says, “Let’s talk about it,” he is opening up a channel of communication between you two. He isn't brushing your feelings under the rug or avoiding a potentially uncomfortable situation; instead, he wants to address the issue at hand. This phrase signifies that he values your feelings and your relationship enough to talk through any issues, big or small. It’s his way of saying, “Your feelings matter to me, and I'm willing to put in the work to make our relationship strong and healthy.”
Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. When a man is willing to engage in open dialogue about the matters of your heart, it shows that he is committed to understanding you and growing together. It’s a sign that he sees a future with you and that he’s not afraid of vulnerability or working through challenges.
When he says, “Let’s talk about it,” seize the opportunity! Be open, honest, and calm in your response. Avoid accusations and aim for “I” statements that express how you feel. For example, say, “I felt hurt when…” instead of “You always…”. Use this chance to bond, heal, and grow together as a couple.
Some Specific Examples of this could be:
– After a disagreement about holiday plans, he says, “Let’s talk about it,” signaling his willingness to find a compromise that honors both your families.
– When you’re clearly upset about something, but he’s not sure what, and he gently encourages, “Let’s talk about it,” showing he’s eager to understand and help.
Paul Tillich said “The first duty of love is to listen.” This quote encapsulates the essence of “Let’s talk about it.” It suggests that a fundamental way to show love is by being a willing, attentive listener. When a man says, “Let’s talk about it,” he is fulfilling this first duty of love; he is placing your words and feelings at the forefront of his attention.
Imagine your relationship as a garden. In a garden, the plants need sunlight, water, and care to thrive. When issues or misunderstandings cast a shadow over your relationship garden, the phrase “Let’s talk about it” is like breaking the clouds and letting the sunshine in. It’s his way of picking up the watering can and tending to the garden, ensuring that the flowers (your bond and love for each other) continue to bloom brightly. This act of addressing issues and nurturing communication is equivalent to the regular care that keeps a garden alive and vibrant.
Effective communication within a partnership likely gave our ancestors a survival advantage. When a man says, “Let’s talk about it,” he is tapping into a deep-seated inclination to forge strong, cooperative bonds. In prehistoric times, couples who could communicate effectively might have been more successful at jointly rearing offspring and navigating the challenges of their environment.
Saying “Let’s talk about it” can be viewed as an exercise in emotional intelligence. This phrase demonstrates self-awareness (recognizing one’s own emotions), self-regulation (managing one’s reactions), and empathy (understanding and sharing the feelings of another). Psychologists regard these traits as vital for mental health and successful relationships.
According to a study published in the *Journal of Marriage and Family*, couples who engage in constructive communication are generally more satisfied with their relationships. When a man suggests to “talk about it,” he is encouraging this kind of positive, constructive communication, aiming for resolution rather than conflict.
The Bible says in Ephesians 4:25 “Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,' for we are members of one another.*”
It’s important to be aware also that while “Let’s talk about it” often signifies a willingness to communicate and resolve issues, it can, in some cases, be used manipulatively. For example, someone might use this phrase to appear as though they are open to dialogue when they are actually trying to control the narrative or invalidate their partner’s feelings. In this context, the phrase becomes a tool for gaslighting rather than genuine communication.
On the flip side, not all communication needs to be verbal or explicit. Some couples thrive on non-verbal communication and understand each other deeply without the need for constant verbal check-ins. For them, a knowing glance or a simple touch can be as effective as a sit-down conversation. In this context, “Let’s talk about it” isn’t necessarily a hallmark of deep love; their love is expressed and understood in quieter, more subtle ways.
#3 – He’ll Start Saying: “Our Future”
When a man deeply loves you, he will begin to use inclusive language, especially regarding the future. Phrases like “our future,” “our plans,” and “our goals” signal that he envisions a life together. It means that he is thinking long-term and is committed to building and sharing a future with you, seeing both of you as a singular, united entity.
Using “our” instead of “my” represents a significant shift from individual to collective thinking. It indicates a willingness to integrate lives, make joint decisions, and prioritize the relationship. This level of commitment is a key indicator of deep love and partnership. It shows that the person is not just thinking of himself but is considering you in all of his future plans.
Engage in conversations about your shared future and be honest about your own feelings and expectations. Use this opportunity to openly discuss your dreams, goals, and values to ensure that you are both aligned and moving in the same direction. Make decisions together, big or small, to further solidify your partnership.
Some specific examples of this could include:
1. Planning Together: A man deeply in love might suggest that you both should start saving for a house together, highlighting his vision of a long-term shared life.
2. Family Inclusion: He may start referring to his family as ‘our family’ and encourages you to do the same, signaling a deep integration of lives.
3. Life Decisions: Before making a career move or any big decision, he consults with you and values your input, showing that he considers the impact of his choices on your shared future.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry once said “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” This quote emphasizes that love is about more than just the emotional or physical connection between two people. It's about sharing a path, a vision for the future. When a man deeply loves you and talks about “our future,” he is embodying this notion of looking outward together in the same direction.
Imagine two trees growing side by side. As they grow, their roots intertwine and give each other support, and their branches may even reach out and intertwine as well. They are two separate entities, but they thrive best when growing together.* This image illustrates how a deeply loving relationship functions. Like the intertwined roots and branches of the trees, a deeply loving couple grows and supports one another, weaving their lives and futures together.
Humans are social animals that have thrived due to their ability to form strong social bonds, especially romantic partnerships. Early in human history, these partnerships were crucial for survival and reproduction. A man expressing a desire for a shared future can be seen as an extension of this evolutionary drive to bond and form lasting partnerships. When he begins to speak in terms of “our future,” it reflects an intention for long-term commitment, which historically has provided benefits like shared resources, protection, and cooperative child-rearing.
Queen Victoria and Prince Albert of the United Kingdom in the 19th century had a deep love and partnership that greatly impacted their reign. Prince Albert was heavily involved in national and international affairs during Victoria's rule. The couple consulted each other on matters of state, and their correspondence reflected their vision of a shared future. This is evident in their letters, which were filled with terms of endearment and constant consideration for each other’s opinions and desires for the future.
From a psychological perspective, when a man deeply loves you and speaks about “our future,” it indicates a high level of attachment and emotional investment in the relationship. According to Attachment Theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, securely attached individuals tend to have positive views of themselves and their partners, which allows them to approach relationships with more trust and to be comfortable with intimacy and dependency. When a man is planning a future with his partner, it often reflects secure attachment, demonstrating that he trusts in the relationship's stability and sees his partner as a constant in his life.
A study conducted by Terri L. Orbuch, Ph.D., found that couples who discussed and planned their future together, including small and big plans, were happier and had stronger relationships. The study, which spanned several decades, followed hundreds of couples and found that envisioning and articulating a shared future was a significant contributor to relationship satisfaction.
While inclusive language about the future may indicate deep love and commitment in many cases, it is not definitive proof of such feelings. Some individuals may use such language manipulatively, as a way to control or secure the relationship without genuine commitment. It is vital to assess the overall health and dynamic of the relationship, considering factors like trust, respect, communication, and actions that align with the expressed commitment.
Just because a man doesn't frequently use phrases like “our future” doesn't mean he isn't deeply in love or committed. Different people have different ways of expressing their love and commitment. Some might show it through actions rather than words, while others may have a fear of discussing the future due to past traumas or anxieties. It is essential to understand and communicate about each partner’s love language.
So there you have it, the “Not It!” game of relationships and dodging accountability like a pro. But remember, a strong relationship is built on teamwork and owning our actions, not pointing fingers. And hey, people can change! With self-awareness and effort, today's blame-shifter can become tomorrow's loving, accountable partner.
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