Find yourself wondering which men not to date? In this guide, we cover 5 types of men that you should not go out with.
1. Look At Me
The good news is this type is easily identifiable because when you walk into a room, he is going to be the life of the party. He's going to be driving the nicest car, he's going to have the biggest Rolex on his arm, all the reasons why you should admire him. He's also going to talk a lot about himself on the first date because he has accomplished so much in his life. So this man is of course more on an insecure scale because he needs a lot of outside approval. When you think about it, a man who says look at me, it's okay because inside of myself, I can't approve of myself. I'm not congruent enough. I'm not stable enough inside of myself as a man. I need to let you know that I am wearing expensive clothing and all of that outside stuff because I expect a certain reaction from you.
Now, I highly recommend running from this particular guy because he will not be able to pay attention to you because, at that moment, he will have to face his sense of inferiority and insecurity. The only way he's going to feel confident is when he gets attention. It's almost a negative association when people focus on you or if he focuses on you. So leave me a comment below if you have come across this type and how you have navigated that, I'd love to hear.
2. Inconsistent
Now this one's also relatively easy to identify because they tend to lead you on, say things like, “I can't believe this is happening. I think I'm falling in love.” And then crickets. There’s no action that he's following up on or maybe he had a fantastic week with you, but then he just drops off the Earth. So that is an avoidant attachment style and this is wired into his nervous system. This is a working model that affects his way of bonding. So if you think, oh, he's going to change, I'm going to turn him around – and we’ve had those guys come to us for help and even with a lot of effort they’re having a really hard time turning the boat around.
The reason being is because a dismissive-avoidant attachment style has experienced dismissive behavior from their parents, so they think it's safer to completely cut off the intimacy and closeness and hope that someone is going to respond to me. What that then means is the closer they get to intimacy, the harder it gets for them, the more uncomfortable it gets for them and their unconscious will constantly will seek out ways to create space.
Now, if you are on the anxious attachment style scale, girlfriend, that is a recipe for disaster because you will become more anxious when he becomes avoidant. As soon as you give him space, he'll come close again, which triggers your hope factor again. You get your hopes up again that he is going to change and he is there for you and your little girl and essentially it's going to turn into a gamble. This is unfortunately what's happening and so gambling of course becomes addictive because it's an unpredictable pattern, when you get the reward and when you don't get the reward. So what I would recommend is just steer clear from this guy.
Now, fear no more, we also have a free Facebook group. So if you haven't joined that already, lots of support and resources and training, and of course also support from all the over 5,000 women that are part of the community. So join MYMFBgroup.com.
3. Peter Pan Syndrome
This is a particular guy that just doesn't want to grow up. He just wants to have a good time. So this guy is all about adventure. It's so fun to be with him and he's inviting you to all kinds of different restaurants, etc. I was dating this guy who had Peter Pan syndrome, and he had his sailboat and all of the things. So yeah, what the problem with that is they're not so much about commitment, they're not so much about responsibility or maturity or growing up or becoming a dad or anything like that. They are all about the fun, the short-term pleasure.
So what I see is that when women end up with a man who has Peter Pan syndrome, they then step into the masculine. They have to take charge, they have to lead, they have to hold the container, they have to plan and the man is hunky-dory, enjoying his life, going on week-long hikes, going to Burning Man, and going to all those things, having a wonderful time. While the woman, you, sits at home and takes care of the kids, for example, or works their butt off for the company or whatever the case may be. He's just going to be hanging out with friends, wanting to go fishing and just not being responsible.
So this guy has not gone through the initiation. The initiation from the boy to the man and so a lot of tribes actually, a lot of cultures have an initiation process for men. This is also called the hero's journey, you can read up on that and what happens is with Peter Pan, they have this constant denial of the call. So to have the call that's coming. The call to grow up, the call to commit, to grow a family, to be responsible, to evolve. That's another piece too, Peter Pan's regressing versus progressing, growing, evolving, becoming a leader, leaving a legacy. Now, this is going to lead to a lot of condescension on your part, a lot of resentment. It's just not going to end up well, girlfriend, and you're just not going to be happy. So if you have come across a Peter Pan, let me know in the comments. I'd love to know-how in the world did you handle that?
4. “I Need To Wash My Hamster's Hair”
Yes, this is my unique language. The “I need to wash my hamster's hair type.” What do I mean by that? This is the man who always has an excuse. I need to think about it, I need to walk my cat across the street but he's never short of an excuse for him not being reliable. So whether he is late, he's not reliable, he didn't bring you what you said from the store, he didn't keep his promise. So this is a recipe for disappointment and frustration because think about it. If somebody always has an excuse, they have a sense of righteousness. You don’t want to end up in an argument with someone that will not apologize, or to turn themselves a little bit into a victim, where they will apologize and be like, “I had to do this and that” but there's never a sense of personal responsibility.
So when somebody says,” I need to wash my hamster's hair,” what they're not saying is, I choose to not do that right now. They're not taking personal accountability and responsibility. It goes a little bit back to the Peter Pan syndrome. Then of course what happens is you take all the blame, but you get frustrated and you blame him, which he, of course, doesn't accept because he doesn't want to take personal responsibility. He doesn't want to be held accountable.
He will start to act even a little bit avoidant and passive-aggressive. Again, not a great man to date and certainly not a great man to marry because you will always be on your own. Like why is the dishwasher not fixed? Why are the groceries still in the car? Then you're going to feel so bad because you feel you're nagging the man and you're just not going to be happy. You don't feel cherished, you don't feel supported, you don't feel desired. Never mind feeling passion. There's no way to feel passion if you constantly have a guy who forgets things and you have to hold the fort down, that of course gets extremely frustrating. So if you attracting any of those men into your life, get my free Magnetize Your Man quiz at MYMquiz.com
5. The Charmer
Also known as the cheater type. Of course, the men who constantly have women around them, have a lot of girlfriends. They have a lot of female friends, and they have a lot of photos on Instagram with women. Most of their Facebook profile's friends consist of women and you just can't do anything about it, he's so charming. You can't be angry at him because he knows how to wrap you around his little finger, and knows exactly what to say for you to feel okay and forgive him and then he's gone again. He has his phone turned off again. So of course this is the charmer type so they get away with that.
So if you come across a charmer type, how do you identify that? You can find that out on the first date. A charmer type, there is something that's not attuned. There's one compliment after the other and it feels like this guy from a romance novel, and you have a little bit of this feeling that this guy's a little bit too good to be true. Whoa, is he saying that to everyone? A lot of lines. In your intuition, your sexual parts, your feminine parts you will just feel something is off. Then of course you see that there's not the follow-up. The charmer doesn't follow up, they just charm you when they're with you but when they're not with you, they're not so charming because they're simply not there. After all, they're cheaters. I'm not saying every charmer's a cheater, but certainly a little bit similar to the look at me type. They just love to have significance and to feel the attention of other women. So I'm curious to hear from you, let me know below which types have you come across. I love to read all your stories.
Bonus: The Possessive Type
For those of you who stayed until the very end, I always have a special surprise for you. Which is this a bonus trait – the possessive type. Now, this is the type that may be love bombing you. They may do everything for you but there's this controlling aspect to them. So it could be that they ask the more truthful questions on the first date or you can sense that they're a little bit jealous. They make a comment when you look at the waiter in a certain way or they put their arm around you, but it's a little bit too controlling. He uses the word you're my girl and my world and my this and my that.
Also, the controlling possessive type can shop for women too, by the way, they're constantly trying to isolate you away from any other person because remember, they don't want you to be friends with them because then you would give them attention. This doesn't even have to be another man, it could be just a girlfriend, for example, but they're like, no, no, no, no, I want you to put all your attention onto me. The reason why they do that is that they don't want to be in the unknown. So they feel when they're possessive, when they're controlling, they feel safe.
Now, this is going to strangle the women that just have the sense of wanting to have freedom. So most women that come to me have a sense of anxiety, but also a sense of independence. So when you encounter a possessive controlling guy, your sense of independence is going to be extremely triggered, and it's going to be a lot of angry outbursts and you're going to be frustrated, there’s going to be a lot of arguments. Essentially, it's not going to end up well, unless all of a sudden you become a doormat for him, and you completely surrender and lose your sense of sovereignty, of independence, and ultimately, even self-respect. So keep that in mind, and think about that twice when you come across a possessive type.
Men Not To Date Conclusion
Now, if you read this article, be sure to subscribe and share it with all of your girlfriends. I appreciate it so much. Now, if you haven't read my other articles, the next one I would recommend for you is five real reasons why men respond to distance in love.
