If you're asking yourself “why doesn't he want me?” We have put together a list of 5 reasons why quality men are not choosing you to help provide clarity.
1. Incongruency
In other words, the confused mind says no. So how does that happen? Well, just visualize yourself on a date, say you want to overcompensate for something because you're truly afraid to show up authentically – you're scared you’re not going to be accepted for who you are. Maybe you're sharing something vulnerable, but you don't feel comfortable with that so what you do is you laugh. Now, what happens at that moment is, because it's not funny, you send mixed signals to that man. He picks up, “Wait a minute, I just felt something vulnerable there, there was something available,” especially if the man is a little bit more on the masculine side. So he notices that but then he's like, “But then there's this laughter and it's incongruent, doesn't make sense in this context.” So you have just sent mixed signals.
What's going to happen next, is he's going to start hesitating. He's going to think, “Wait a minute, am I confused? Or is she confused? Am I trustworthy? Can I trust her? Is she showing up as who she is or maybe I made the wrong interpretation and I'm confused?” So either way, he's going to be left with a conflict inside of himself and unfortunately, when he feels that conflict inside of himself, the confused mind says, no. What does that look like? Well, he's going to feel hesitant. He's going to be like, “I enjoyed my date with you, I enjoyed seeing you” but he's not going to make any further plans because he doesn't know yet and you just kinda disappear from his awareness.
In other words, the brain deletes. Why? Because it's not safe. We don't know what that laughter was all about. So whether it's harmless because you just wanted to cover up your shame, or if there was a big bomb waiting to explode, that, of course, will remain a secret to him, but it's not worth it for him to take that risk. So if that has happened to you, if you resonate with that then comment below and let me know your story.
2. Lack of Emotional Range
Now, what happens with a quality man, especially if he's on the masculine side, he's looking for his feminine equal – that feminine polarity. The feminine consists of a variety of emotions. It's a rainbow of colors from anger and sadness and happiness and joy and all the things in between and there's so much unpredictability. A quality man enjoys that, why is that? Because when you go into an emotional range, you hand him an emotional resume; an emotional map. Then he gets to feel that map, inside of himself. He's going to be like, “Oh, that emotion means sadness or inadequacy or whatever it means.” So he gets to find that inside of himself and he gets to feel his emotions even more.
So in other words, he lives vicariously through you. So if you have this incredible emotional range, he's going to experience state changes and he's going to feel alive and he's going to feel authentic because he knows that all of those emotions are inside of him too, but they may have been slumbering. So if you have that lack of emotional range, I think it just falls a little bit flat and it feels like, “Yeah, we'll see what happens. We'll see what unfolds.” It's not intriguing. It's not interesting. It's certainly not worth investing in because instead of expanding his experience and your experience of life, you're decreasing it, you're diminishing and dimming your own light.
We talk about this and more in my free Magnetize Your Man: Dating Support Facebook Group so hop on over to MYMFBGroup.com and let's go ahead and continue the party over there.
3. You Don't Have High Standards
If you don't have high standards, he’s left wondering whether you’re holding yourself to any standards, if you’re honoring yourself, and if you’re surrounding yourself with quality people. There was one guy a few years ago, he wrote in his online dating profile, “I will treat you like a queen, but you have to know that you are one.” He’s clearly stated that he's looking for that so he’s going to ensure that you know you’re a queen, that you’re setting boundaries and treating yourself like a queen because he wants to have an equal partner, not a project that he has to constantly convince and validate.
Having to constantly validate or convince you is draining; Imagine you give a compliment to a friend and they’re constantly saying “No, I don’t know. I don’t think so.” That’s exhausting, and instead, you should be saying, “Thank you so much. I appreciate it, thank you for noticing.” Then you're enhancing the experience. There's a compliment to him, “Thank you for noticing that about me.” So it also validates him as a man as well – he feels he can provide for you and make you happy.
Of course, when you don't have those high standards, he's going to have a lack of respect for you. He’s thinking, “Well, I don't know. I feel she's valuable, but she's not treating herself this way.” So again, it's very similar to the first one. You're sending those mixed signals and he's not going to spend all this time trying to convince you otherwise, just because he sees the potential inside of you. So let me know in the comments as well, where are you with this conversation when it comes to setting high standards. Also, if you haven't done so already, read our “Trigger His Desire” eBook at TriggerHisDesire.com and then let me know what breakthroughs you have.
4. You Give Power Away
What he is looking for is a woman who holds her own, who sets her own boundaries, who is confident intrinsically as well as extrinsically, which means that is a natural congruence inside of yourself. You hold your own and know that you have power because he knows that he has power. So he wants to feel confident with a powerful partner in his life.
When you give your power away and you become apologetic, similar things happen. He loses respect, and he's going to be confused, especially if he feels that you are an incredible woman, but again, why is she giving all her power away all the time? Is there something that I don't know? Does she not value herself as much? Is she maybe not as worth it? Remember the environment trumps willpower. So if you're constantly handing him an emotional resume where you apologize, where you're not holding your own, where you use shame shields, where you become defensive then you give your power away. Instead, you should be able to notice that within yourself and say, “whoa, not anymore!” That's what he's looking for because that's recognition.
We teach that with the King and Queen matrix, we talk about the fact that you could put kings and queens, doormats, jerks, people-pleasers and bitches in the same room. Usually what's going to start happening is the doormat is going to attract a jerk. The bitch is usually attracting the nice guy. However, the king and queen will find each other through resonance. They know each other and know what they're vibrating at and they know what they smell like. I'm not talking about the actual smell, I mean instinctively, the emotional smell. So rather fascinating for you to try on – step into your power girlfriend. So also if you haven't done so already take my free quiz and all the juicy custom gifts that come with that at MYMQuiz.com.
5. Resenting Men
A quality man isn’t interested in having to pay the bills from any of the men in your life that have wronged you, they’re not interested in paying the interest on that. You’re in an interdependent relationship. So you heal your stuff, I heal my stuff. We talk about it, have tools, and have language for it. It's ultimately about ownership inside of you and inside of me about what happened with our ex-partners. However, if you continue to resent men and you're continuously trying to put him down, trying to emasculate him, trying to punish him, trying to shame him and so on, that’s horrible. He'll walk because he respects himself too much.
Let me give you an example because I did something that was coming from a resentful place when I started dating my husband. Essentially I didn't get the time that I needed that day because he was working with a one-on-one VIP client. He was taking him out on a field day, back then men could hire my husband for VIP field days to meet women. There was a misunderstanding where I thought he was going to be available for me in the afternoon but he wasn't done until late at night. So I got so upset that I wanted to punish him because that was my old way of being because I still had a little bit of residual resentment towards men inside of me.
So I took my car, drove it from San Francisco to LA to one of my best girlfriends at the time and then when he called to say, “Okay, I'm ready to hang out now.” I told him, “Well, I'm in LA.” I was sarcastic, totally twisting that knife and punishing him. Now when I came back the next day. he looked at me and he made it very clear that he's not going to pay the debt that other men have cost in my life. He said, “You're never going to do that again.” That's it and that was scary. It was also really hot because I was really glad and was like, “Oh my gosh, this guy, it's going to work. This is a quality guy. I can't manipulate him. I can't just push him around and blame him for things that other men, including my dad, have costs in my life.” So that would be an example of a quality man. He'll walk so don't try that out. Comment below, what reasons do you resonate with the most.
BONUS SECRET
As usual, because you stayed until the very end, the bonus secret is, there's no pattern interrupt. So a quality man knows, life is not predictable. There are always things that are happening, that are changing, that are shifting. That's normal life. So if there's no pattern interrupt, nothing is surprising that occurs, you're not willing to step into the mystery of yourself, you're not willing to step into the unknown of who you are, he essentially knows that he can't grow with you. You see a quality man looks for a woman that he can also grow and experiment and explore with. Now, what's important is, how willing are you to be wrong? How willing are you to let go of your roles, of your titles, who you think you are. How willing are you to surprise yourself? You see every Sunday at church when I volunteer and I pray a lot for all attendees. It's really fun because I usually pray for surprises. I pray that they get surprised, that they surprise themselves. So what would that look for you if you felt actually confident and safe enough to surprise yourself and a quality man?
Why Doesn't He Want Me Conclusion
So again if you read this article, subscribe to my blog and share it with all of your friends. Now, if you haven't read this article already, check out our article on the five emotions that cause men to choose you.
