When you are not a priority in his life you may be wondering what you can do to become one. In this guide, we share 5 secrets that will help you become a priority, not an option.
1. Don’t Answer Calls And Texts At Night
If a guy is texting you at night, if he's texting you too late and asking you to hang out, that's the worst, and he’s probably just looking to have sex with you, or flirt, or send sexy photos, basically trying to engage you at night. If you're responding to that, you're training him that you're available and you're not seeing other men – if you're in that stage where you're not exclusive with him. It just shows that you're too available and it also will train him that he could potentially hook up with you late at night or last minute, or set up last-minute meetings or set up last-minute phone calls. That is not good because you're being too readily available. You're rewarding that which you don't want.
You want him to value your time and you want him to prioritize you so that you're not just available at the drop of a hat. That's why it's so important. So, what are some ways you can use this? Well, if he texts you at night, if he calls you late at night, let's say after 7:00 PM, I would say just don't even respond to him until the next day. For one, that's going to make him wonder, what are you doing? Are you seeing another guy? What's going on in your life? He's going to think about you more, which is going to make him start to desire you more, start to invest mentally into you more and emotionally. People don't fall in love when they're with you, they fall in love when they're away from you, thinking about you. So that's the powerful thing that you're going to be able to do when you do that.
If you're wondering, “Well, how do I not text them back? I really want to, I haven't heard from him for a while,” read a book, watch a show, talk to a girlfriend on the phone, text your girlfriend, text a family member, call family member, play with your dog, do something else so that if you're starting to train him, that if he wants to do something with you, he needs to set up a date or he needs to talk to you in the daytime especially if it's something sexual or wanting to hang out last minute, that's not okay. You're the queen. We're going to talk about that and more, and you don't want to train him to do that. Now, when I was dating Antia, she was good at texting me just during the daytime. I would send her invites and she was just responding with what works for her, not what was working for me and that showed me that she respected herself and I couldn't just hang out whenever we wanted to, whenever I wanted to. So it's a really good thing to start practicing with him.
2. Be Busy But Not Too Busy
As we mentioned in the last point, it's more effective if you actually are busy. So you have real plans of things that you're doing. If he wants to book out your schedule, he has to plan that out. At least let's say, 48 hours in advance. He has to plan those dates so that he knows you're in demand. So you want to create it where you have things going on, not just with work, but socially, going to events, going to mixers, hanging out with girlfriends, hanging out with guy friends, going on other dates (if you're not exclusive with him) taking care of yourself, investing into yourself, doing things, you enjoy, hobbies, passions, goals.
So you need to create those things if you don't have them already so he can start to feel you're a woman in demand. You're a scarce resource of gold and diamonds that he needs to mine. He needs to work for those diamonds. He has to search for those diamonds. They're not just lying on the street. He has to purchase those diamonds with his time, with his energy. You want him to value your time. So be busy and happy, but not too busy.
Now, when I was dating Antia, this worked effectively in the sense that she, me and her lived in different cities. We were both living in Oahu but she was in a different city. We could only see each other so often because of that geographical barrier. Now, if you don't have that working for you, you need to create that with your time. To my point about also not being too busy is if you're too busy, you're not going to give that opening for him to come in. He needs to feel that there is an opening and space for him in your life.
So it's about totally pushing him out and saying, “oh, I'm not available for three weeks.” You have to make some space for not just him, but any man you want to have in your life. Otherwise, he's going to say, “Why do you need me? You're good. You have everything you want. I don't have anything to add to your life.” So you have to actually have that space as well. Just not too much space. Not so much space where you're just sitting, waiting for him to text, waiting for him to ask you out or waiting for a guy to come and rescue you. You have to have some things going on. That's where being happy comes in as well, things that you enjoy and are doing in your life.
Now, if you haven't yet, I highly recommend joining our Magnetize Your Man dating support group, where we talk a lot about these things. You can ask questions. You can hear stories from other women who are struggling with these things as well, which you can get by going to MYMFBgroup.com or go to Facebook and just type in Magnetize Your Man, you'll be able to find that group.
3. Date Other Guys
I've alluded to this as well, but what this means is you are responding to guys, going on dates with guys, having phone calls with guys who are interested in you. You're opening yourself up. Now, why is this so important? This is so important because guys, I believe most guys, I know I have it, have a sixth sense that they know when the woman they're dating is dating other guys or is meeting other guys. Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing. This is a good thing. If you're exclusive, that's a bad thing. If you're not exclusive and I'll talk about what to do if you are exclusive, but if you're not exclusive, this trains him that you are in demand, you are the Bachelorette, you are a prize and other guys are interested in you, he should probably be interested in as well.
This is the social proof principle. We tend to want what other people have or want as well. Just when you are seeing a best-selling book or you are seeing all the tickets getting sold out for a concert you want to go to, you better act now because it must be really popular. So you want to be that. You want to be a highly sought-after woman.
Now, you can create that by dating other guys, by going online, responding to messages, asking guys for their opinion on things, having those conversations, responding to guys who were interested in you even if you're not really interested in them, it can be good to have those conversations and at least to explore that, even if there's a tiny chance because you're opening yourself up and the guys that you are interested in, they'll see that you're a woman in demand. They'll feel that from you. So you want to create that.
I know with me and Antia, when we were dating, she was dating another guy and I found out about it when we were maybe three months in and I started checking in with myself and I had to say, “Wow, how do I really feel about Antia?” I had to come to the conclusion that I had feelings of love for her and I told her that when I found out she was seriously dating another guy and that was when we became exclusive. So that was powerful. So that's how you can use that principle. and it's highly effective.
4. Be A Queen & Set Boundaries
What this means is being the queen is about respecting yourself, setting boundaries, having standards, not accepting bad behavior, being willing to walk away if you're not getting the behavior you want, saying no and having limits and also treating yourself well. That's what respecting yourself is. There's the level of behavior you're going to allow from other people, the level of a standard for how you live your life, the things that you do, the things that you accept and why this is so important is because when a man respects you, he's much more likely to prioritize you. He's much more likely to see you as a prize, as the queen. That's the paradox you might think by setting boundaries and telling him, “No, I'm not ready for that,” or “No, that doesn't work for me, we need to do it this way,” he starts to respect you more, he desires you more because of that. So respect yourself more.
So what are some other ways you can apply this is by having a standard; writing down what your standards are with men, with him, keeping those standards, when he's not meeting them, let him know, “This doesn't work for me.” You could even say “I'm a queen.” He will understand the subtext of that is if he's not meeting that need or if he's not meeting that standard that you're gone and that other guys will meet that standard. There are other guys you can be dating that will meet that standard because you value yourself. At that point, he has to make that decision – either he steps up, he stops doing it, or you have to be willing to walk away. That's where that respect comes. Generally, the person with the most power in any relationship is the one who's the least attached. The one who's most willing to walk away. So you have to find that within yourself, which helps with some of the other things we mentioned earlier. So be the queen and set those boundaries.
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5. Talk About Your Common Goals Together
When you're with him, don't just talk about superficial things; the weather, the TV show, the book, what he was doing last weekend. Also bring in things that have more depth, things that have more of a sense of meaning to them. For example, what are his goals? What are your goals together? So talk about common goals. This could also mean asking him about his values, dreams for the future, where he wants to travel, what he wants to achieve, what he wants his life to look like, his family goals, children goals, all those things. Why is this important? Because now a man will start to see you differently. He'll start to see you more in the realm of life partner, rather than hookup. We hook up with someone and you're just friends with benefits, it's so easy to just say jokes together and have fun, laugh, talk about meaningless, pointless things but when you're asking him about the more important things you're bringing a different level to the relationship.
Start to explore where you have those commonalities. What are the things that you guys want to create together potentially in the future? That'll make him prioritize you because he'll start to see you as somebody who's on a different level than the other girls he might be seeing or other people in his life. Now, this is somebody I can build a life with, this is someone I can prioritize. I experienced this when I was single and dating. I had hired my own dating coach, experimented a lot with what you might call the “pickup artist” community. I met a lot of women, I was dating a lot of women and I started coming to the conclusion that what I wanted was a power partner, somebody to share my life with. Shortly after that is when I met Antia and she was fitting into that ideal. I wrote out a list of what I wanted in my ideal partner, what I wanted that life to look like – I called it my story and I told Antia the first night we met, I said, “Wow, you're the girl from my story,” because that is what I'd written down, that is what I created. So that's a different level of conversation. Guys are looking for that, or at least a part of them is wanting that and that's going to come out and that's the guy you're going to attract.
So I would love to hear from you, comment below. When do you feel you are his priority or when do you feel you are not his priority? What things does he do that make you feel you're that priority? And what things does he do that makes you feel he just doesn't care that frustrates the heck out of you? I would love to hear that below to help us with future articles. What is your experience with your guy or men in general?
BONUS: Bring Things Back To Where You Started
Since you stayed to the end, I have a powerful bonus secret for you: bring things back to where you started. How our relationship starts is so key. One thing I love to say is how our relationship starts is generally how it will continue. What it means to bring things back to where you started is what did it feel when you were first dating him? What were the positives? What was exciting? Was it passionate? Were you guys joking a lot? Were you having fun? Where did that drift off?
Once you can come to that first realization, you'll know that this is so powerful because if you want the relationship to get back on track, generally, all you have to do is get back to what you were doing when you first met him, if it was good in the beginning. If it wasn't good in the beginning, then maybe it's not the right fit because again, how the relationship starts is generally how it will continue. It's probably not going to get a whole lot better if the first couple of months you were dating each other was just a disaster, it's probably not going to get much better and you guys probably aren't compatible.
So what are some ways you can do this? First off, I said, think about what were those positive things? What were you doing? Who were you in those beginning stages of dating him? Then actually start to do those things. So maybe you realize when you were first dating, you were much more playful with him, joking around more and then all of a sudden you started getting more serious as you felt he wasn't doing the right things and then he started doing the wrong things even more and then you became this nagging, emasculating or just unpleasant woman to be around with him, maybe unconsciously.
Be honest with yourself, where were you maybe doing some of those things? Now get back to being that fun you. Get back to doing the things he enjoyed. Was there a way you smiled at him? Was there body language you had? Were you guys talking about things that you both enjoyed before you started arguing? Get back to those things, bring them back into the relationship.
What happens is when you start bringing that back is that he'll also remember what it was like being in those moments and he'll start to come back to that part of him that was more attentive, prioritizing you more, that was giving you more of his attention and time and energy. So bring it back and trigger that association in his brain to have that love and joy again.
I know that Antia and I are constantly doing things that we enjoyed from the very beginning. We go on these little dates and trips together – Disneyland, Sea World, the beach. Things that we did from the very beginning that brought us together. We'll have those interesting conversations, talk about books, and new ideas and I think that keeps our relationship really solid and strong because we'll always fall back on the things that work. Not that things get off track a whole lot, but we've ritualized it. So you ritualize it with your guy. Can you set up maybe a date night every week or month where you're doing something that you guys know from experience, you're both going to enjoy? There won’t be many arguments or much conflict., it's just more of a safe bet. Find those things and make that a routine and it can be very powerful.
When You Are Not A Priority In His Life Conclusion
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