If you're wondering what to do when he won't commit to a relationship with you it's important to know why. They are reluctant to simply clarify that they like you, or they feel an undeniable magnetic attraction and want to spend as much time with you as possible.
This article will provide five things a man needs to commit to a relationship, so that the next time your man is acting weirdly around you (or not acting at all), you can be on the safe side that there are really no ulterior motives going on.
1. He Feels Like a Better Man When He's Around You
Now, visualize a wedding, what does the groom often say? They say, “thank you for helping me to become a better man.” Now, what does that mean? That means he’s thanking you for challenging him, not putting up with his crap, not letting him get away with getting the cookie from the cookie jar, so to say.
When you really think about that sentiment, that’s what he’s really saying and that of course means that you need to feel safe to speak to that. You need to feel courageous enough to “rock the boat,” and you need to overcome your fear that he's going to reject you because the opposite is going to be the case. He's going to appreciate it so much that he will want to commit to you.
2. His Inner Boy Feels Safe
Let's talk a little bit about what exactly is the inner boy. I know some of you have never heard this concept before but in psychology this is a theory that’s been talked about for over 60 years. The theory is that there’s individualized parts inside of ourselves that have formed over the years, different energies, if that’s easier to visualize. I'll give you an example, you may feel playful, so that's an energy inside of yourself, and in men that would be the inner boy. The inner boy's qualities are playfulness, curiosity, and everything spontaneous and in the moment, they’re pleasure driven qualities. So what needs to happen is the inner boy needs to feel safe.
How can you destroy that inner boy, you ask? I'm glad you do because what often happens is if you emasculate a man the inner boy does not feel safe. If you yell at the man, if you have fits of rage and you try to manipulate the man the little boy is not going to feel safe. Now, why is the inner boy important in the first place? This is because he's really giving you that emotional connection that you desire to have with your man. That little boy really feels this strong, safe connection; the heart to heart, that you want to feel with a man.
So I'll give you an example, you may feel sexual attraction to a man, you just feel really hungry and attracted, and you may also feel he's very smart, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you feel an emotional connection with him. So the little boy is taking care of that part, and that also determines if a man is emotionally available. Of course, the inner boy feels more safe if you are also emotionally available. So if you still have parts inside of yourself that are unhealed, that are afraid to be fully seen, that are afraid to be misunderstood, and you're not communicating that clearly, and he can't really trust your emotions, that also doesn't make his inner boy feel safe because his inner boy also in some way lives vicariously through your little girl.
So the safer your little girl feels the safer his little boy feels because he's going to be the reflection of that little girl. Now, fortunately, or unfortunately we have a little bit more of an emotional mapping as women, it's much more sophisticated than it is for men so that's why they vicariously live through us. If you want to learn more about why you attract emotionally unavailable men and learn more about what may be going on with your inner little girl, click the button below to do a FREE quiz on how to attract the right man for you.
3. He Feels Like He Can Be Your Hero
I just talked about this concept of how he needs to have all the different energies inside of himself met. Now one part we always talk about is that he needs to feel like your hero and that’s often connected to the wild man. So the wild man is the protector instinct that is speaking to the most primal aspect of ourselves.
Now, why is that so important you ask? Well, if you think about the wild man you really want to look at the embodiment of a man. Have you ever experienced a date where you felt like it was going great, you enjoyed the conversation and were having fun but you didn’t necessarily feel attracted to him? There's a little bit of a gap in the polarity. There's something there but he's not embodied in his wild man. Now, this can have many reasons; It could be because his dad didn't really accurately mirror that back to him, he may have even grown up without a dad, he may have grown up with a dad who was more feminine, maybe he was an alcoholic, but there was not a healthy relationship to the masculine, and what that looks embodied.
So one thing you can of course do is, of course, thank him for being your hero for one, but also for you really allowing that, I know you are highly accomplished, you can do everything yourself, you certainly don't need anyone definitely not a man, but that's actually the most powerful thing that you can do especially when you don't need someone to still allow the man to be the hero, to open up the door for you, to take care of you.
Now, men will not necessarily be outright asking to be your hero, but they will happily take up the opportunity to be your hero and to let themselves shine. It's this chest pounding, “me Tarzan, you Jane,” that's kinda how it feels.
4. He Feels Intrigued
Now, how do you accomplish that? There needs to be some surprising aspect. Now listen to me very closely, I'm not talking about you suddenly becoming somebody that you're not, I'm definitely not talking about you putting on a performance but what actually happens if you are willing to live outside of your comfort zone? The intrigue naturally happens, why? Because you surprise yourself.
I will sometimes give my women some challenges, like a rejection challenge where I ask them to seek out intentionally what they think is going to lead to rejection, and they were very much surprised by themselves. Maybe you sat in a seminar, and maybe you saw somebody say, “hey, who wants to say something, or share something?” and maybe you're afraid to share something but what you do is you raise your hand anyways, you surprise yourself. Or maybe you sing the song anyway, or maybe you share something with the man on the first date that you normally wouldn't share. Whatever that is, it surprises yourself and that creates so much intrigue.
Another way that increases intrigue is by increasing your emotional range. Now, what that means is you want to see which of your emotions are not expressed. What I’ve found is that I'm a very strong leader, and I'm very clear about what I want, and I can come on very strong, but what about the softness? What about the warmth? It's really interesting when women or men reflect to me, warmth was not the first quality that was coming to mind. Why was that? Well, because I wasn't necessarily on the receiving end of warmth, I was on the receiving end of harshness. Like I grew up in Eastern Germany. A lot of you grew up in Eastern European countries, also in East Asian countries as well where it was more about functioning over feeling. So you can write that down for yourself, it was function over feeling and in doing that we became emotionally unavailable. So that's something that you want to keep in mind for yourself as well.
So you want to see how you can increase your emotional range and then reach into it. Maybe you're always warm, you're always loving and you're never really assertive because you don't want to invade somebody else's opinion, or somebody else's boundaries, or whatever the case may be, so maybe you need to go the opposite direction. You see my husband and I talk a lot about that in our King and Queen matrix which is part of our program, I recommend joining our free Magnetize Your Man Dating Support Facebook Group by clicking the button below!
5. He Feels Afraid To Lose You
The minute a man starts to take you for granted you're done, you're toast. Why is that? Well because you know we are all walking the path of least resistance. So like I said in the beginning if I can get away with the cookie, getting the cookie from the cookie jar I will. The little boy knows that.
My husband and I sometimes watch Temptation Island, the premise of the show is that couples who have been in relationships for a while between 1 year and 11 years I think was the longest for a couple, and they have challenges in their relationship, they go to the island to live with, 10 other men and women and they get to explore other relationships. They get to see, well, is the grass really greener? Am I really afraid to lose the other person? And what is the other person doing when they're afraid to lose you? Are they fighting for me? Are they fighting for the relationship? Are they claiming their territory? It's the wildman coming in and saying she’s mine. Like she's not going to hook up and connect with someone else.
Now, of course, it's a show but it's a really interesting concept to that shows that he needs to be afraid to lose you, he can never take you for granted because it's really about you putting yourself first, you fully valuing yourself, you holding to your boundaries. So if you say you cannot be telling me lies, and you catch them in a lie, and there's a clear boundary around the lie, you have to take the consequences and that could be breaking up with him and saying I don't accept this disrespectful behavior.
This was the case of one of my clients, Linda, I taught her to step into her queen. She turned what we thought would be a playboy, and somebody who was just kinda playing the field into somebody who would propose to her. So this is how it can go, but he was definitely afraid to lose her. Be a part of the conversation and he will commit to you because he will respect you. Sometimes it's even more important to be respected than it is to be liked. You’ll find out more about that when you click the button below for my free training where I take you through all three steps on how to increase your emotional capacity and make yourself and a man feel safe.
Conclusion To What to Do When He Won't Commit To A Relationship
I hope you enjoyed this article. Leave any questions or comments below and I will answer them. I’m looking forward to bringing much more content to you to help you to have the right man commit to you.