Do you feel like your man has lost interest in you? This is more common than you may think and there are ways you can win him back.
If you are wondering if he lost interest because of your neediness. It is important to identify why he may have lost interest first, then you can follow these helpful pieces of advice we have provided. This guide provides 5 tips to spark his interest again.
1. OWN Your Neediness
Now, often what occurs is that you don't own your neediness – you are apologetic about your neediness. You may feel ashamed or embarrassed of your neediness instead of owning it. Now, what is much more important is how you relate to your neediness, also known as the meta-emotion. What is the emotion behind the emotion? In other words, you can confidently relate to your neediness and own your neediness and be extremely attractive, and that will bring him back.
Here's an example; when I dated this guy, he told me that I'm too needy, or I'm too affectionate. I need too many kisses, and so on, and I said, “Yes!” I owned my neediness. I didn't apologize, I didn't attack him, I didn't deny it was happening, but instead, I said, “Yes, that is me!” I owned my neediness, and guess what happened next? He apologized, and he said, “Oh, no, no, no, just kidding. This is amazing, this is great. I love it,” after I thought he lost interest, he ended up pursuing me, calling me, leaving me voice messages, and so on. But of course, I knew that I couldn’t be emotionally safe anymore, and this relationship ended, but this is the deal, right: own your neediness. It is so charismatic.
2. Lean Into The Pause
Now, if he ran away, if he lost interest, it's because you need to fill in the blank at any given moment. You always need to have certainty. You need to know where he is, when you guys are meeting next, when he's going to call you next, and so on, so it's all about him. It's all about closing that gap versus falling in love with the gap. Look at it this way; advertisers make a massive fortune because we can't be in the gap. We always have to close the loop. So what do you do?
What happens when you watch your favorite comedy show, and then it says, “You'll see what's going to happen after the commercial!” Are you going to lean into the attention and say, “I don't need to know that. I'm not watching the commercial. I'm just going to turn the TV off,” (which, by the way, I recommend in general, but that’s a whole different article) I'm just leaning into the pause. I'm practicing not knowing the outcome.
I started doing that when I started watching “The Bachelorette” and “The Bachelor,” and I just said, “Okay, I don't, I'm not looking how this continues. I'm not going to read up online about this, I'm not going to be part of all those Facebook groups that know how it ends up, and I'll just practice being in the gap.” So you can start in small ways.
Lean into the pause, and then what starts to happen, creates trust in his nervous system. It creates safety in his nervous system, and he knows that you can also be in the unknown, that he doesn't have to carry the whole weight himself. Now, we discuss this a lot in my free Facebook group, so join “Magnetize Your Man” Dating Support Facebook Group, MYMFBGroup.com.
3. Channel Your Anxiety
So you see what I'm not doing. I'm not saying, “Oh, just cool down. Calm down.” right, because you can't do that. If you are needy, if you have an anxious attachment style, it's usually always running, and you have to start to work and manage it versus pushing it to the side or pretending it's not happening or override it. That's never going to work, and it's going to come across as extremely inauthentic and potentially even disingenuous.
So what you do instead is channel your anxiety. So if you feel anxious, think about it. You feel there's a sense of shame, let's call it, a sense of inadequacy. What do you do when that shame of inadequacy, the sense of inadequacy occurs? What you normally do is that you run away from it, right, but that's why the guy ran too. So what you want to do instead is lean into it. Maybe there's a deep level of vulnerability available. Maybe there's such a deep level of resonance and reception available that would otherwise not be available.
Also, if you lean into and channel your anxiety, you'll often get intuitive hits as well. Now, why is that? Well, because you are at the deepest level of vulnerability, that level that your ego would normally not allow you to get to because it's about looking good, and it's about being an adult, and it's about fitting in, and so on, but when you feel that anxiety, you don't care about any of that.
I have also written my best poetry, even a song when I was at my highest levels of anxiety. You see, one time, I had so much anxiety, and I blogged (channelled) my anxiety, and what I did, I wrote down, I kid you not, 132 times, one of these days, I'm going to show you the page, and it just said, “I trust. I trust. I trust. I trust.” Because I knew, okay, what I needed was to know how to trust, so I wrote that, and then I put that on my wall all over the room. Now, one thing where I also teach a little bit more about how to fall in love with anxiety is my free masterclass, click the button below/free dating webinar. All right, so let's go ahead and continue the party.
4. Integrate Both Parts
Often when he loses interest, it's because there's a conflict inside of himself. There's also a conflict inside of yourself. So what do you need to do to take care of that conflict? Now, what do I mean by conflict? There's a part inside of you that wants to have the relationship so bad, that wants to have the connection, that wants to have the intimacy, that wants to have the certainty, and then there's the other part inside of you that wants to stay protected. It wants to stay safe. It wants to stay self-reliant. It wants to even keep a little bit of distance. Do you see what I'm doing here? Because what happens is when the man loses interest, it feeds into that part that wants the distance.
Now, that is usually more unconscious, so if he lost interest, all that we are aware of is that anxious part that wants the connection, that wants the intimacy, that wants to have the love, the romance, the all of it. So the only way to take care of that is by integrating both parts. Again, I am talking about this more in my free webinar, so don't forget to sign up for that as well, but start doing that work, integrating both parts. I help my women do this all the time.
I had one client and we did the parts integration, and she went from being a bouncer, so she felt she was a bouncer, she was keeping everyone at bay, but at the same time, she also wanted connection and so after the parts integration, we turned her into a casting agent. You see, when she was a casting agent, she was still, had that protection because you still have to fill out the application, and then you will what? Hear from us. That's what you normally hear if you're an actor if you're in Hollywood. If you want to be cast for something, and so, she got to be the casting agent. The men still had to go through her process, but there was also kindness and warmth with that because also when you go to castings, a lot of times, it's a nice environment. You get some water. You get some coffee. Sometimes, you even get to sit down, be comfortable, and that's the same experience we did with her. So there is the magic that occurs when you integrate both parts, and you avoid self-sabotaging patterns that make him lose interest in you.
5. Be The First To Hang Up
So this is for you if you noticed he lost interest in you, but he's still talking to you. He's still calling you occasionally, or he's still texting you. Then be the one to first hang up. Let him wonder. Give him space. Don't give him the whole enchilada. Change the dynamic up, and then learn how to resource yourself. If he texts you, just text him back briefly, shortly, with a smiley face, that's fine, but much, much shorter. That way, you increase the ability for him to come back to you because now, you give him all this curiosity. What's going on over there? What is happening? They start to wonder. They start to think about you more, why? Well, remember that part inside of us that wants to predict that the advertisers take so much advantage of, which is called Broca. It's part of your brain, okay, and so that also works for him too. Now, he wants to know. He wants to create certainty for himself what you are up to.
He Lost Interest Conclusion
Give that a try, and if you want to learn more about how you are showing up in dating; what keeps you from attracting the emotionally available, quality, successful, man; or what keeps you from actually, being available to the men that are already around you instead of putting up walls, I invite you to take my free “Magnetize Your Man” quiz just click the button below.
