Would you like to discover the five critical reasons why women get attracted to the wrong men?
Hi, I'm Antia Boyd, Founder and Creator of the “Magnetize You Man Method.” If you are new to my blog, don't forget to click that button right below and sign up so you get notified when more articles come your way that help you to attract that right man for you. Stay till the very end for some very special gifts that I have for you. Let's go ahead and dive right in:
5. They Have A Parts Conflict
Reason number five, why women get attracted to the wrong man is because they have a parts conflict. Wait a minute, what's that Antia? Well, what often happens is there's a part inside of us that wants to have that deep, connected, long term relationship in your life. However, due to your childhood, past trauma and experiences, there can also be another part of you that actually does not want to have the deep, connected, long term relationship.
This can be for reasons of wanting to maintain individuality, wanting to have space and freedom or having massive fear of intimacy. Does this sound like you? You want to have the relationship and you don't want to have the relationship – you're in, but you're out. The moment a man gets close to you; maybe gives you flowers, gives you compliments, is present and consistent, you get a little turned off. Then chances are you have a parts conflict. Now, what do you do with those parts?
For one, actually understanding what they are. One part is the anxious part, that really wants to connect. The other part is the avoidant part, that really wants to always have space and also wants to make sure that everybody is accountable only to themselves and not to other people. So you have the part that doesn't want to be responsible for the other person's feelings or vice versa.
So what we need to do here is actually get to know those two parts better and bring them together. That's right, in order to heal a parts conflict, you have to actually harmonize them inside of yourself and find a way that really helps you to be consistent. This may not be a fast process, maybe your avoidant part wants to go a little slower, or maybe the anxious part wants to communicate more than the avoidant part will allow it to. Well, if that sounds you, then chances are you have a parts conflict and this is how to solve it.
4. They Are Addicted To Their Emotional Home
Reason number four, why women are attracted to the wrong man is because they are addicted to their emotional home. Think about it this way, what does an emotionally unavailable or wrong man do to you? How does it make you feel? Oftentimes we feel left alone, rejected, abandoned, not taken care of and certainly disappointed. What happens so often throughout our lives is that those wrong men are actually reflections of the emotional home that you created when you were a little child.
When you actually learn there's disappointment that you’re experiencing from your parents over and over again – my mom is a narcissist, my mom is just not able to attune to me, or my dad is just never there, he’s emotionally unavailable. So even though you kept reaching out and I kept hoping that he’s finally going to meet my needs for emotional closeness and approval,you get disappointed over and over and over again, until it finally becomes an addiction. Now, what do you do about that?
You create a new emotional home. Now, part of the reason why this emotional home is so comfortable because you feel so much certainty about it. You know exactly how it feels right before a man disappoints you if you keep with the theme of disappointment, so you know how to handle it, who to call, what to do, so it feels familiar.
How can you create a new emotion that you want to feel? Let's say you want to feel hopeful or excited, how can you create that level of certainty inside of your body, inside of your heart, inside of your mind? How do you get to the same degree of certainty that you have with disappointment? When you finally learn to shift your emotional home you will actually be quite turned off by the wrong men.
3. They Have The Wrong Role Models
Reason number three is women who are attracted to the wrong men, have wrong role models. Now if you've seen your mom always settle, maybe was married several times, or maybe was actually put down by your dad who was really dominant or was emotionally just not available so she never got her needs met; that’s not a great role model, but you don’t know any better so you look up to them.
At the end of the day, we have mirror neurons inside of ourselves so we're unconsciously mirroring what we learn in our childhood. What we see, what we feel from our parent's nervous system. Also, look at your closest friends in your life. Do they have happy marriages? Just because they're married doesn't mean they're happy. Do they have healthy relationships or are they highly codependent?
Are they also not getting their needs met by their partners? Really look at what the agreements are inside of your family, or within your friendship circle maybe it’s something like “Oh girlfriend, let me tell you about last week, Joe Schmoe also disappointed me, all men suck.” With that type of agreement we get to commiserate and collaborate in our misery together, and there's a payoff in that. So you have to be willing to look at that. Now, how do you shift that?
Well, you guessed it, finding new role models. So what I always love to do is go on YouTube or Google, type in, soulmate stories. I like finding blogs of encouragement from people. How did they meet? What are the secrets of relationships that last extremely long, where they’re really happy even after 50, 60, 70 years. Find those role models. Also, ask powerful questions. How can you be even more aware of those incredible role models that are already around you?
2. They Are Hoping To Close Their “Hope Loop”
Reason number two is that the women who are attracted to the wrong men are hoping to close their hope loop. I call it a hope loop because when you were a little child, you were full of hope. You were holding on, hoping that at some point your parents would finally respond. Finally, you would get your emotional needs met or finally you're seen for who you are.
You're finally being understood and attuned to the way you deserve. So since that didn't happen, guess what? It’s like there’s a cliffhanger. For example, do you ever watch TV shows? What happens before the commercial comes on or the episode ends? There's a cliffhanger. We're left waiting, wondering how did that scene end? Is she going to say yes to the proposal or not? Well too bad,check it out next week.
That same is happening inside of yourself. You have this eternal cliffhanger from your childhood that really wants to close the loop. So you think if you get attracted to men who feel very similar to what you experienced in your childhood – your mom or your dad, you think, “Oh, this is how I get to close the loop because I finally turn them around and I get my needs met.” Needless to say, this is of course not what happens.
Instead, you create the same outcome over and over and over again. So what needs to happen to change this? This sounds a little extreme, but really, your hope has to die. As a matter of fact, funny story… but five months before I met my husband, which was January of 2013, I had my breakthrough. I really let go of hope that anyone would ever save me, ever turn around. I was texting with another guy, which may sound familiar to you, and he made me all these promises that we would finally meet, but we never met.
So I was just hoping and texting and waiting and one day I just said, you know what? I’m done. I don't need to learn to be patient any longer. I don't need to hope any longer. Nobody's coming on a white horse and rescuing me. I'm done with this waiting pattern. And it's funny because I broke up with my old self, so I turned on We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift. That was really my declaration to myself, to that old self that I was breaking up with it. So let that hope die so that finally you can attract an already healed, an already secure and an already confident and trustworthy man in your life.
1. They Like The Edge Of The Distorted Masculine
Finally, reason number one why women are attracted to the wrong men is because they are that edgy part of the distorted masculine. So what do I mean by that? Well, think about it this way, when you have the distorted masculine that's unavailable, there's this passion that might be going up and down on the roller coaster. You may think that's chemistry, even though that's actually anxiety. As a matter of fact, I call that anxie-traction.
So then what happens is it's “Oh, it's this edgy part, this masculine part. Oh, I love that about him! He's a little bit of a bad boy.” The problem is it's a distorted masculine, which means it will always leave you confused, chaotic and conflicted inside of yourself – you’ll feel abandoned and rejected.
What do you want to do instead? You want to actually realize, how can I really find this edge inside of myself? There’s often a suppression inside of that edgy part of yourself. Also, think about how you can actually attract the healthy masculine in your life that still takes action, and still takes charge, and still has an edge, but it's also very grounded and usually feels much more calm. It's almost like more of a calm lake versus fireworks or a wildfire.
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